Abuse in the Church

1. Abuse in the Church A Collaborative Model for Clinicians and Church Leaders Philip G. Monroe, PsyD Biblical Seminary Diane Langberg, PhD & Associates

2. www.biblical.edu

3. Schedule • Church/counseling collaboration? • Abuse in the church • Overarching care principles • Collaborative Opportunities • Troubleshooting problems

4. I. Church & Counseling: Conflict and indifference The conflict and indifference between religion and psychology is a curious state of affairs. Although both clergy and practicing psychologists are involved in counseling relationships and interested in emotional and behavioral outcomes among those with whom they work, they generally appear to do so in isolation without much guidance from each other. Thomas Plante Professional Psychology: Research & Practice, 1999

5. Why the divide? • Stepping on toes? Whose turf? • Lack of vision for collaboration • Counselors take difficult parishioners • Clergy are a good source of referrals • Is that it? • Anecdotes (and story-telling) form reality • Counselor missteps? • Bad theology/exegetical errors & “integration” errors • Protecting the victim without a proper foundation • Indiscrete criticism of the church

6. Are we competent to serve clergy? • How are we doing in our communication, respect, shared values? Consider this survey: • ¼ of pastors described a positive experience with good communication. But most didn’t. Seems to rarely happen and too frequently negative • Clergy perceive we don’t respect them • 13% describe us as arrogant and uncooperative. “no respect for what I had to bring to the table.” • Clergy do see us as having skills they do not possess but psychologists do not return this view • We often fail to find common goals/values • We fail to speak a similar vocabulary McMinn, Aikins & Lish (2003). Basic and advanced competence in collaborating with clergy. PP: R&P, 34, 197-2002

7. Bridge the gap by… • Communicate! • Defuse conflict, fear, confusion with transparency & openness • Learn their language and their values; validate! • Address ethical and funding matters up front • Build trust with leadership • Do what you say you will do. Don’t overpromise • Remember it takes time to undo prior suspicion • Give evidence that you can learn from and be influenced by leadership • Show the fruit of humility and fraternity • Offer both indirect and direct aid

8. II. The Problem of Abuse • Types • It takes many forms—both subtle and obvious • 2 categories: family abuse; leader abuse • Victims and offenders rarely fit neat categories • The effect • The ripple effect: an enlarging pool of victims • Division always ensues due to conflicting pressures, emphases, and goals • The Need • A vision in the church for the protection and healing of the abused

9. A vision for the church? • PHP 3:12 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. • ISA 61:1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

10. Common church responses • Deceptive responses • Denial: It didn’t happen, she’s crazy! • Minimization: It only happened once. We all sin • Misnaming: It was an affair (leader abuse) • Impulsive responses • Premature reconciliation (Jesus comes to redeem) • Demanding cut-offs (throw the evil-doer out) • Harshness (discipline; speaking truth in love) • Abandonment • Moving victims on to new churches • Secrecy (it will harm too many to know it…)

11. We need common goals (in common language) • Providing safety for bruised reeds • Bearing witness • Dealing with fear, anger, hopelessness • Encouraging restoration and healing (without demanding it) • Providing mercy ministry • Introducing the Resurrection as THE healing power • Uncovering lies and pointing to the truth

12. III. 10 Overarching principles • Abuse in the church impacts many • Leaders need a large umbrella if they are going to serve those involved • When many are impacted, division is common • Leaders remember they must be advocates for truth, justice, and grace • Protection of the “least of these” takes precedence • Leaders understand abuse of power and provide tangible protection for the body of Christ

13. 10 Overarching principles • Never underestimate the power of self-deception • Caretakers recognize and work for true repentance • “As if you too…” • Caretakers work to understand the world and experiences of abuser and abused “as if” they themselves were in their shoes

14. 10 Overarching principles • Premature restoration is tempting • Leaders resist the temptation to rush back to life “the way it used to be” but work to cultivate maturity, healing, and holy obedience to God • Wisdom comes from God—not committees • Leaders immerse themselves in the study of God’s Word and prayer to discern His perspective on all issues pertaining to abuse and restoration • Crises reveal character • Leaders use crises to explore and correct individual and systemic defects

15. 10 Overarching principles • The Church is not ours • Leaders remember not to harm the church: to purify themselves first before working to purify the bride of Christ • The redemptive work of Christ in ALL is our goal • Leaders promote an atmosphere of grace, mercy and justice for all

16. IV. Collaborative Opportunities • Prepare yourself • Education • Develop a map for success using SCTs • Prep for common problems • Train and supervise SCTs

17. Prepare Yourself • Evaluate your readiness to love the congregation with patience, truth-telling, and humility • Remember the overarching goals and facets of a biblical response to abuse • Identify deficiencies (spiritual, professional, etc.) • Memorize your consultant mantra: • listen well; be willing to learn; • validate the dreams and concerns of leadership; • provide reasoning for the clear direction you offer; • leave final decisions to the leadership

18. Education • Probable Topics • Abuse (deception plus power), impact of abuse, patterns of healing (victim, offender, congregation), repentance, forgiveness, restoration, reconciliation, truth telling, leader responsibilities, legal/ethical matters • Common restorative practices • Necessity of team approach • Systemic assessments • Audience • Key leaders • Broader congregation QUESTION: Are you speaking a language they understand?

19. Develop a Map for Success • Ideally, we should: • Study the vast array of issues, teach the whole congregation from front and back, develop prevention plans, and address problems as they occur • But, realistically… • Build committedSpiritual Care Teams, learn together the key issues, develop a plan of action for healing, Communicate and educate, Plan for future prevention

20. Choose Spiritual Care Teams • Teams for congregation, offender, victims • Consider the character of potential members • Spiritually mature, prayerful, self-aware, able to listen, willing to learn, gentle but willing to confront, confidential, safe, not controlling, collaborative, patient • Require 2 year minimum commitment of time • Determine how the group will make decisions, learn together, and function together • Determine how to collaborate with other teams, leadership, and outside agencies

21. A tale of two teams… • Team 1 • Strong leaders, strong personalities, no-nonsense attitudes. Sees job as exposing the sins and weaknesses of the victim • Too busy, long periods of time without contact • Team 2 • Meets weekly to pray and fellowship • Educator background • Identifies progress and needs but not pressing

22. The purpose of the SCT is… • To provide support and assistance to a person with acute spiritual needs and return person to fellowship with God, family and fellow believers • To provide the opportunity for shattered people to receive comfort, opportunity to dig deeply and repent deeply, and grow spiritually (there may be other roots, but team will explore spiritual roots) • To bring hope to those who are broken, disillusioned, and in need of restoration • To penetrate denial and clarify reality • Intercession and combined wisdom in leading • Provide guidance, accountability, and direction to for others seeking to help shattered individuals and families • Encourage the whole community that the church is part of the healing process and so avoid the tendency to either throw out the sinner or the victim or ignore the sinner and victim. From Wilson et al, Restoring the Fallen

23. It is not to… • Provide professional counseling • Determine veracity of facts • Make church judicial decisions

24. Prepare the SCTs • Spiritual work means warfare • Worship and study together • Group learning (biblical and experiential) • Abuse, abuse of power, deception/denial, their impact on others, protection, true and false repentance, restoration, restitution, forgiveness, healing, etc. • Restoration processes (time, process, fruit?) • Who or what will drive the group’s work? • Group training • Creating a plan of action

25. Group training • Explore how the group functions together with and without their ministry target • When it comes to data collection, exploration, confrontation, assessment, decision-making • When it comes to worship, fun, personal issues • When it comes to collaborating with outsiders (some of whom may not share the group’s view) • Key issues? Validation; good questions,

26. SCT Plan of Action for restoration • Protection from self and others; boundaries set • Truth-telling about the abuse • Submission to process and acceptance of spiritual mentors • Discovery of roots of abuse and other sin (naming things from God’s view; hearing from others) • Deeper Truth-telling about life patterns and God’s sanctifying work • Restitution (acknowledges injustice and seeks to correct it) • Repentance (from actions and attitudes) • Reconnection to the larger body of Christ

27. Your relationship to the SCT • Summarizing and synthesizing the data collected by the SCT • Focusing questions and areas of growth • Identifying dynamic or personal barriers to the work of the SCT • Keeping track of growth, hope, and future directions • Reviewing communication to the larger leadership and congregation

28. (Preventing Leader Abuse?) • Indirect service: • Develop SCTs for pastor families • Direct service • Provide confidential sessions (therapy or spiritual direction) for leaders and family members

29. Troubleshooting problems • When progress stalls • Waiting for someone to be repentant? • When a group doesn’t work or is worn out • Premature restoration • Mechanical vs. spiritual restoration (Tavis Smiley) • Fairness vs. blessing the victim • Power conflicts and system issues • Dual relationships: Who is your client? • Abuse reporting and theological grounding

30. FAQs • Where is the finish line? • How do you know when restoration is complete? When repentance is enough? • Why does the victim get the final say? • Who drives the decisions of protection? What if victims are in charge? • Can a Christian leader ever return to ministry? • Ezek. 44? • What are the pit-falls of this kind of work?

31. Helpful Books • Armstrong, J.H. (1995). Can fallen pastors be restored? Chicago, IL: Moody Press. • Grenz, S. & Bell, R. (1995). Betrayal of trust: Sexual misconduct in the pastorate. Downers Grove: IVP. • Hoge, D.R., & Wenger, J.E. (2005). Pastors in transition: Why clergy leave local church ministry. Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co. • Hopkins, N. M. (1998). The congregational response to clergy betrayals of trust. Collegeville, MN: The Liturgical Press. • Hopkins, N. M. & Laaser, M. (1995). Restoring the soul of a church: Healing congregations wounded by clergy sexual misconduct. Collegeville, MN: The Liturgical Press. • Langberg, D. (2003). Counseling survivors of sexual abuse. Xulon Press. • Langberg, D. (1999). On the threshold of hope: Opening the door to healing for survivors of sexual abuse. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House. • Pedigo, T.L. (2004). Restoration manual: A workbook for restoring fallen ministers and religious leaders. Colorado Springs: Winning Edge Ministries. • Wilson, E. & S., Friesen, P & V, Paulson, L & N. (1997). Restoring the fallen: A team approach to caring, confronting, & reconciling. Downers Grove, IL: IVP. • Yantzi, M. (1998). Sexual offending and restoration. Scottsdale, PA: Herald Press.

32. Helpful Websites • http://www.netgrace.org. G.R.A.C.E (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment). • http://www.peaceandsafety.com. PASCH (Peace and Safety in the Christian Home)

33. Helpful articles & chapters • Langberg, D. (1996). Clergy sexual abuse. In Kroeger & Beck (eds) Women, abuse, and the Bible. GrandRapids, MI: Baker Books.   • Maxwell, J. (2006). Devastated by an affair: How churches heal after the pastor commits adultery. ChristianityToday. http://www.ctlibrary.com/39606. • Monroe, P. (2006). Abusers & true repentance. Christian Counseling Today, 13:3, 48-49. • Reed, E. (Winter, 2006). Restoring fallen pastors. Leadership Magazine. Found at: http://www.ctlibrary.com/le/2006/winter/22.21.html

34. Church/Psychology Collaboration • Book title • McMinn, M.R., & Dominguez, A.W. (2005). Psychology and the Church. Hauppauge, NY: Nova Science Publishers. [collection of articles] • Key Article titles • What evangelicals want to know about psychology (JPT, 29(2), 2001, pp 99-105) • Training Psychologists to work with religious organizations (Professional Psychology: Research & Practice, 32(3), 2001, pp 324-328) • Psychology and the church: an exemplar…of collaboration (PP:R&P 31(5), 2000, pp 515-520) • A collaborative relationship between professional psychology and the Roman Catholic Church (PP:R&P 30(6), 1999, pp 541-546.

35. www.wisecounsel.wordpress.com