Effective Sentences

Effective Sentences Unity and Coherence

Unity (一致性) • Unity is the first quality of an effective sentence. A unified sentence expresses a single complete thought. It does not contain ideas that are not closely related, nor does it express a thought that is not complete by itself.

~ requires that all the sentence elements composing a sentence, all the sentences composing a paragraph, all the paragraphs composing an essay bear directly on the one main idea——the theme（主题） • 一致性是指句子所表示的思想是一个完整的统一体。所有的句子用词，所有的句子，所有的段落都要围绕一个中心思想/主题。

Example:“I got up early. Mom told me that there was always traffic jam and our car was a little bit too old and we need buy a new one”. • Error：The first two sentences are not unified and there is no mention of the time for the first sentence. The theme of the second sentence is not unified because there’s no mention of the logical relationship between the clauses, which are separated with the first sentence.

Revised： • “I got up early Monday morning. Mom told me that there was always heavy traffic, and as our car was a bit old and couldn't run fast，we’d better start earlier.”

Faulty: Born in a small town in South China in the early 50s, he grew up to be a famous musician. • Revised:He was born in a small town in South China in the early 50s. In his childhood he liked to sing songs. Later he entered a conservatory. In the 70s he became a famous musician.

analysis • The two parts of the original sentence are not logically connected, because a man born in a small town in South China in the early 50s would not necessarily become a famous musician. Therefore, the sentence lacks unity. The revised sentences are better, as how and when he became a musician is explained.

Faulty: Du Fu was one of the greatest poets.Revised:Du Fu was one of the greatest poets of the Tang period. • The first sentence is faulty because the idea expressed is not complete: there is no mention of the time or country. “The Tang period” makes these clear, for we all know that the Tang was a dynasty in Chinese history.

Coherence（连贯性） • Coherence means clear and reasonable connection between parts. A sentence is coherent when its words or parts are properly connected and their relationships unmistakably clear. It is not coherent if it has faulty parallel constructions, pronouns with ambiguous reference, dangling or misplaced modifiers, confusing shifts in person and number, or in voice, tense, and mood.

~ requires that the train of thoughts flows smoothly in a logical sequence in a sentence, from sentence to sentence, from paragraph to paragraph • 连贯性是指句中的成分之间具有含乎逻辑的有机联系，全句所表述的思路清晰，使交际对方容易得到要领。

Example: John saw a handbag in a field. He walked a cross the field and picked up the handbag. He took the handbag to the police station and handed it in as lost property. When he had done this, he went home. • 这个语篇给人的感觉是十分紧凑。这是因为四个句子表达的意义联系紧密。第二、三、四句中的he与第一句的John发生了照应关系，第三句的it与第一、二句的handbag是词汇复现关系，第四句this的照应对象是一个句组。

Faulty: A man is judged not only by what he says but also by his deeds.Revised: A man is judged not only by what he says but also by what he does. A man is judged not only by his words but also by his deeds. • Parallel ideas had better be expressed in parallel constructions, which give emphasis, clarity and coherence to a sentence. “What he says” and “his deeds” are not parallel in form, so one of them has to be changed.

Faulty: We thought she was charming, intelligent, and a very capable young woman.Revised: We thought she was charming, intelligent, and very capable. We thought she was a charming, intelligent, and very capable young woman. • This sentence is faulty for the same reason and can be improved in the same way as the first faulty sentence.

Faulty: We have great faith and high hopes for her.Revised: We have great faith in and high hopes for her. • “faith” and “hope” are parallel, but they should be followed by different prepositions.

Faulty: She told my sister that she was wrong. • Revised: “ I’m wrong,” she said to my sister. • She admitted that she was wrong and said so to my sister. • “ You’re wrong,” she said to my sister. • My sister was told that she was wrong.

Faulty: He was knocked down by a bicycle, but it was not serious. Revised: He was knocked down by a bicycle, but was not badly hurt. • Faulty: I’m going to the lecture on modern Chinese drama, because he is a dramatist I like. • Revised: I’m going to the lecture on modern Chinese drama, because the speaker is a dramatist I like.

Analysis • In each of the three faulty sentences there is a pronoun with ambiguous reference. The second she in the first sentence may refer to the subject or “my sister”; the only noun in the second sentence is bicycle, but it does not refer to it; no third person is mentioned in the third sentence, so it is hard to know whom he stands for.

Faulty: Looking out of the window, the grassland stretches as far as the eye can reach. • Revised: Looking out of the window, he (she, I) can see the grassland stretches as far as the eye can reach. • Outside the window, the grassland stretches as far as the eye can reach.

Faulty: On entering the classroom, the students stood up and said, “Good morning!” • Revised: When the teacher entered the classroom, the students stood up and said, “Good morning!” • On entering the classroom, the teacher was greeted by the students, who stood up and said, “Good morning！”

Faulty: To get ready for the trip, all the things she needed were put into a suitcase. • Revised: To get ready for the trip, she put all the things she needed into a suitcase. • In each of the above faulty sentences there is a dangling modifier ( Looking……, On entering….., or To get….), which is not grammatically related to the noun or pronoun it is intended to modify.

Exercises: The following sentences are not unified or coherent. Please improve them. • 1. I read an interesting story in a magazine about sportsman. • 2. The idea he mentioned at first sounded good. • 3. Students should learn to analyze and solve problems independently. Don’t rely on your teachers’ help. • 4. Those who wish to take Linguistics are expected to sigh his name on this sheet of paper. • 5. She reviewed the lesson taught last week and all the exercises assigned by the teacher were done.

Effective Sentences