Being With Others

1. Being With Others Chapter 11: Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood Human Development: A Life-Span View Kail & Cavanaugh

2. Friendship • Defined as: a mutual relationship in which those involved influence one another’s behaviors and beliefs • Levinger’s Stages of Friendship • ABCDE model • Acquaintanceship • Buildup • Continuation • Deterioration • Ending—contingent on alternatives

3. Friendship • Three dimensions of friendships in adulthood • 1. Affective • Emotional basis • 2. Communal • Mutual interest • 3. Sociability & Compatibility • Entertainment/fun component

4. Siblings as Friends • Special type of friendship • Often longest • Strongest during adolescence and late life and weakest during middle age • Women generally place greater importance on the relationship • Family reunions/gatherings • Holidays • Caretaking and support

5. Online Friendship • How does it develop? • 1. Reputation—online or offline identity • 2. Performance—what users do online is how others judge them • 3. Precommitment—”leap of faith” through self-disclosure • 4. Situational Factors—the importance of the relationship when compared to other competing factors

6. Gender Variations in Friendships • Gender variations in young adult friendships tend to show continuity in gender variations in children’s friendships • Men • Tend to have fewer close friends • Emphasis on shared activities • Confiding is in conflict with competing • Face social pressure to be brave and strong which is in conflict with emotional sharing • Women • Tend to have more close friends • Emphasis on emotional sharing and intimacy

7. Cross-Gender Friendships • Both men and women have difficulties forming cross-gender friendships • Cross-gender friendships tend to help men have lower levels of dating anxiety and a higher capacity for intimacy • Maintaining cross-sex friendships once individuals enter into exclusive dating relationships, marriage or committed relationships is difficult and often problematic • Women tend to underperceive • Men tend to overperceive

8. Romantic Relationships • Early • Often marked by high amounts of passion and infatuation • High risk of misunderstanding and jealousy • Exciting in the beginning, but not typically enough to maintain the relationship • As the relationship develops, passion decreases but commitment increases through shared experiences, support, and caring • Neurological and Life Cycle Bases of Love • High levels of dopamine during early stages of love • Switches to substances related to morphine (a narcotic) later on

9. The Theory ofAssortative Mating • People select mates based on their similarity to each other • Religious beliefs • Physical traits • Age • SES • Intelligence • Political views • Couples higher in marital satisfaction tend to be similar in terms of openness to experience but not necessarily in other dimensions of personality • Healthy people tend to be with healthy people; unhealthy with other unhealthy people

10. Murstein’s Theory • Stimulus • Physical appearance, social class, etc. match my own? • Values • Values regarding sex, religion, politics, etc. match my own? • Role • Ideas about the relationship, communication style, gender roles, etc. match my own?

11. Other Important Variables • Physical attractiveness is more important than once thought • Cultural variations exist • Attachment style, which is influenced by earlier relationships during infancy and childhood