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Open Dialogical Practice in Relationship therapy

Open Dialogical Practice in Relationship therapy. Writing our Book of Love Yves Dingens and Leo Bormans. 2nd International Conference on Dialogical Practices – 7 – 9 maart 2013. Love. New dialogues. New definitions of Love. Re-new-ed-identity.

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Open Dialogical Practice in Relationship therapy

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  1. Open DialogicalPractice in Relationshiptherapy WritingourBook of Love Yves DingensandLeo Bormans 2nd International Conference onDialogicalPractices – 7 – 9 maart 2013

  2. Love

  3. New dialogues New definitions of Love Re-new-ed-identity

  4. Europeanchairman Van Rompuy & Leo Bormans KofiAnnan (Nobel Peaceprize) & Leo Bormans

  5. A bookwith 200 empty pages 2 pages foreachseason starting 1 yearbefore the relation today + 3 yearsempty pages

  6. Timeline: Double page SeasonbySeason Top of the page: partner A / Bottom: Partner B Colour strip: each partner cangive colour to feltemotions

  7. Open – end dreams Imagination Create hope

  8. Rational Level Objective data e.g. official date of cohabition, date of marriage, date of birthchildren, relocation, job change, objective frame >> grip forinvolvedpeople in the dialogue (e.g. parents, friends, children,…)

  9. Awareness of the systemicapproach

  10. … hearing all voices

  11. Timeline + strip of feelings + data

  12. What do these partners feel, nowthatthey are face to face with the history of theirrelation ?

  13. Second Level: emotiondriven. addoldpictures, remembrances,… to explore the meaning of Love

  14. Making a new story out of • Highlights • Important moments What do theyactuallyfeel in this moment?

  15. What is IN the picture?

  16. What is IN the picture?

  17. What is IN the picture?

  18. Repositioning of the self in relationship and Repositioning the relationshipitself.

  19. A dialogicalspacearises City of Words, Lithograph by Vito Acconci, image via Wikipedia

  20. Investigation 100 PhD’s >> everyone has hisownperspective, something the researcher is lookingfor, whenhe does aninvestigation 100 PhD’s>> eachwithhisowninterpretation of the results 100 PhD’s:>> theirown story must have been involved Conclusion:>> the Worldbook of Love are 100 interpretationsabout Love in a multiculturalperspective

  21. First element>> the clients Second element>> the dialogue between the cliënt(s) and the therapist Third element>> the Worldbook a multiplicity of voices of the World outside Peter Lenaerts, third element, Systeemtheoretisch Bulletin 2009, n°3

  22. Romantic Love Compassionate Love Companionate Love Attachment Love PhD Ellen S. Berscheid University of Minnesota

  23. Research documentsthatno 2 individualsuse the word in exactly the sameway The meaning of the word Lovenotonly is likely to differamongindividuals… ..but even for a single individual, the word maycarry different meanings as it is used in different relationships Ph D Ellen S. Berscheid University of Minnesota

  24. Even in a single relationship, the meaning of the word ‘Love’ mayvaryeach time the individualuses it. Ph D Ellen S. Berscheid University of Minnesota

  25. Romantic Love: passionate Love – erotic Love – being in Love Companionate Love: friendship Love strongliking Compassionate Love: caregiving Love - altruistic Love – selfless Love Attachment Love: dependson a long familiarity – receiving comfort and protection

  26. WritingourBook of Love: continuous search formeaning of Love in an ongoingdialoguewithcouple and therapist and the third element

  27. Facilitatecontinuousdialogue To deependialogicalapproach View through the grid of Romantic Love Companionate Love Compassionate Love Attachment

  28. Facilitatecontinuousdialogue To deependialogicalapproach Using the 100 narratives about Love as a third element

  29. to unfold the meaning of the relationship

  30. Texts of the Outer World Representationsvalidated by a worldwidecommunity

  31. Love is the lifeforce, the soul, the idea. There is nodialogicalrelation without love, just as there is nolove in isolation. Love is dialogic. (Patterson, D. 1998) Literature and spirit: Essay onBakhtin and hiscontemporaries, 142)

  32. Non-verbaldialogue and languageskills Lesslinguisticlyproficient partners modelingclay, paint, paper-mache, … . The advantage of workingwith mondeling clay and othermaterials is thattherecanbe more bodilyfeltemotions. The hands, in contact withstructures as clay, draperie, cloth, etc… cancreate even betterdialoguesaboutfeelings. Goingintodialogthroughshapingclay and offering the form to the partner to reform and bringchanges, can open bodilyfeltdialogues as ancontinuingmeaning-shaping story.

  33. Non-verbaldialogue and languageskills Pictures, drawings and puppets may help to defineemotions Putting puppets in intersubjectiveplacings - adjust the placing as theywould do in a verbal dialogue and certainexperiences, believes, sitationscanbe taken in dialogue. Peoplecan “talk” with/through the puppets, expres feelings, etc.. Use of pictures partners canfindpictures to go in dialoguewitheachother about the meaning of the aspects of love, theycan show what is important forthem.

  34. Case A couple, both have 2 childrenfrom a formerrelationship. Each of the childrenneedextra caregivingbecause of different problemsthey are facing. The parentsdidreceiveanautism diagnose forone boy, anotherone has a serious mental retardation, onedaughterwith high sensitivity etc.. The womanwas incapacitatedbecause of ofa chronicfatiguesyndrome. There is a lot of hassle in the house. Eachparentlosesitself in loyaltyfortheirownchildren

  35. it’sdifficult to persistrules, they are blamingeachother. Man and wife are notinterested in eachotheranymore. Intimicy is completelygone. Theybarelyspeakwitheachother, except to reproach. He was disappointedabouta lack of intimacyand sexuality. When her partner talkedaboutthis topic, the womenstarted to cry. Howeverthey want to staytogetherbecause, sotheysay, theyfeelloveforeachother. In therapy, each week again >> negative – negative.

  36. Text of Ph D Zak aboutoxytocinecameinto the conversations. Theywereinterested in it. We talkedaboutwhatPh D Zak discovered, the so-calledLove-hormone. Theyweresurprised. We talkedtogetherabout the positivesense of touch. The textbecamea third element in ourdialogues. Itdidshapeenoughdistance and safety to talk aboutintimacy, it was not a diagnose abouttheirproblem, nor anadvice. Theycouldre-memberfine feelings. The fine feeling of touching was becoming a member of theirmemoryagain. The nextdaysthey had planned a weekend withonly the 2 of them, in Luxembourg.

  37. One week later, I receivedthis postcard. The devilescaped ! Oxytocine has worked! 

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