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Communicating about sex

Communicating about sex. Words, games, and attitudes. Purposes of sexual communication. Why talk about sex? Society Church Same-sex friends Opposite-sex friends Potential sexual partners Mates. How connected are sex, love, and intimacy?. Janus & Janus (1993):

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Communicating about sex

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  1. Communicating about sex Words, games, and attitudes

  2. Purposes of sexual communication • Why talk about sex? • Society • Church • Same-sex friends • Opposite-sex friends • Potential sexual partners • Mates

  3. How connected are sex, love, and intimacy? • Janus & Janus (1993): • 69% of men and 75% of women saw sex and intimacy as separate parts of a relationship. • NHSLS (1994): • Twice as many, to four times as many women as men say they loved their first sexual partner • Sex can confuse a relationship

  4. Why is sexual communication challenging? • Lack of practice • Sub-cultural proscription • Personal discomfort • Ambiguity of all communication • Sender-->Sender’s Interpretative System--> Message-->Receiver’s Interpretative System--> Receiver • Choice and meaning of words

  5. Sex words • Slang terms are popular among men talking with other men and, to a lesser degree, among men talking with women partners • Women seem to prefer appropriate words or no terms at all • Women are often offended by men’s choice of words, especially about sexual intercourse or women’s anatomy

  6. More sex words • From the late 70s to the late 80s, college students shifted towards preferring no words for sexual anatomy. • The phrase sexual intercourse has almost disappeared from college students’ expressive vocabulary • Women prefer diminutive euphemisms and vague references

  7. What does intimacy mean? • Is it love, or just lust? • Does passion ignore love? • Are love and sex functionally related? • Evaluate this old saying: • “Men give love to get sex; women give sex to get love.”

  8. Cross-gender friendship • A relative absence of scripts • Influence of sexual roles, eg. dominance and submission • Ambiguity of messages • Time spent together, smiles and eye contact, and personal attention may be misunderstood to convey sexual interest • Social structures, such as social networks or work tasks, may provide welcome boundaries

  9. Breaking up is hard to do • Exclusivity, jealousy, and possessiveness vs. self-awareness and self-acceptance • The meaning of rejection • Getting to know someone sometimes means learning you don’t want to go further • Most breakup scripts are miserably weak • Tact and honesty are valuable • Clarity is crucial

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