Reasons to be thankful for the shit in 2020

1. Reasons to Be Thankful for the Shit-Storm That is 2020 2020 was clearly the worst year in history. A global pandemic, racial injustice, political upheaval, wildfires, murder hornets. Fortunately, advertising execs are masters at burying the negative and promoting the positive. Thanks to ad people, generations of children ate bowls of sugar cereals filled with high fructose corn syrup, and we said it was, “Part of this nutritious breakfast.” Not the nutritious part. But who cares. See, positivity! It’s in this spirit that this San Francisco ad agency has agreed to re-brand the worst year in history as the “New and Improved Roaring The twenties.” So let’s put all this nonsense about the apocalypse behind us. Because there are, in fact, plenty of reasons to be thankful for the shit-show that is 2020. Reason #1 - You Can Blame Your Failures on External Forces In 2020, it was easy to blame world events for your own stupidity. If, for example, you were laid off for gross incompetence, or stealing office supplies, or just being lousy at your job, it was easy to pass yourself off as another victim of the economic collapse. No one had to know you were actually laid off was because the company considered you an insurance risk. And because you were laid off, that pending HR investigation into your behaviour at the office holiday party became a moot point. (Innocent until proven guilty, right?) That makes 2020 a great year to be a thoroughly ineffectual boob. Reason # 2 - A Family-Free Holiday Season For Americans who believe in science, this is the one year when you’re actually not supposed to spend the holidays with extended families. How great is that? No passive-aggressive conflicts with your mother-in-law. No creepy great uncle that’s overly affectionate with your teenage daughters. And no heated debates with your redneck cousin, who still insists the election was rigged. It’s also a boon for broken families. No need to attend a 4 pm Thanksgiving meal at your mother’s suburban townhouse and then slink out, drive downtown, and sit for a second dinner at your dad’s pied-à-Terre, which he currently shares with his 28-year-old girlfriend. Reason #3 - Less Keeping Up with the Jones’ No need to spend money on luxuries you can’t afford.This is 2020. You didn’t go anywhere! No large gatherings meant zero dollars spent on fancy dresses you can only wear once. Ditto for shoes, handbags, and even soap. (Well, maybe, that last one is just me.) No money was spent on new work clothes since no one ever saw what was going on below the waist (unless you’re Jeffrey Toobin). Sure, you spent

2. a little bit more having drugs and alcohol delivered, but that’s so much cheaper than dinners out with your pompous friends who insist on ordering the most expensive bottle of wine when, in actuality, they couldn’t tell a bottle of Screaming Eagle from Boone’s Farm. Truth be told, if you didn’t lose your job, you probably saved more money than ever. Reason #4 - The Pandemic Saved Our Democracy Joe Biden will soon be president. But his victory was no landslide. It’s safe to assume that had the Trump Administration not thoroughly mishandled the Corona Virus, he may well have been re-elected. So while our hearts hurt for the many families who lost loved ones to this horrible disease, we hope there’s some comfort from knowing their death was not in vain. With a new president about to take office, and a vaccine set to be distributed by year’s end, this pandemic may have actually saved the republic. Reason #5 - Fewer School Shootings It sucked not having our kids in school, and online learning is a pain. But, on the bright side, there have been far fewer school shootings since this insanity began. In 2019, there were around 130 incidents of gunfire on school grounds. In 2020, there were only 62! (Even for ad people, it’s tough to make 62 school shootings into a positive, especially with 98 percent of schools closed from March until September, but we’re trying.) But there’s more good news: With all the kids stuck learning at home, bulletproof backpacks no longer top the Christmas wishlist. Yeah, 2020.