Perfectionism & The Gifted Child

1. Perfectionism & The Gifted Child Deanna Crackel

2. My Qualifications • T.A.G. student • Sixteen years working as a teacher for the Hillsboro School District with a focus on providing students differentiated materials and skill specific instruction • Past experience as a T.A.G. Coordinator • Recent completion of T.A.G. credential program through Pacific University

3. Excellence is Okay • Excellence is obtainable, provides a sense of accomplishment, and is a result of quality work. • Perfection goes beyond excellence, and leaves no room for mistakes, flaws, or errors. It is impossible, and those children that chase it experience high levels of stress, little satisfaction, and are critical of themselves.

4. Which Child is the Perfectionist? Highly productive, top-achiever, and well-adjusted Work often late, anxious, and an underachiever

5. Common Characteristics • Driven by order, routines, and control. • Often run late because they have “one more thing to take care of” • They sometimes procrastinate, delay decision-making, and avoid taking risks. • They are often emotionally sensitive, have a difficulty relaxing, and can show signs of exhaustion.

6. Perfectionism is a Chain Reaction • Mistakes cause fear, which creates an obsession to “get it right”, getting it right gets praise/award/high grade/social status, which creates fear of making a mistake which would expose flaws, which creates an obsession to “get it right”…

7. Perfectionism can be Social • Students seek opportunities to connect with others. This can be been seen when kids earn hugs and high-fives from parents when they bring a good grade home; perfectionists get closer to teachers by earning their respect and admiration, impress coaches by running great plays, as well as getting good at a skill that would please the social group that is most desirable to them.

8. Perfectionism Doesn’t = Success • Striving for excellence and aiming for perfection aren’t the same. • Success comes more from a commitment, work-ethic, innate talents, and sometimes luck.

9. Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Perfectionism • Healthy perfectionism is seen when children are intrinsically driven to meet personal goals, have high personal standards, gain pleasure from meeting goals, have growth mind-sets, and value the process of learning.

10. Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Perfectionism • Unhealthy perfectionism can be seen when students are driven to reach an unobtainable ideal, are overly concerned with mistakes, anxious about choices made, freeze in the process, terrified to make an error, concerned with the appearance of being “smart”, values the grade, award, or compliment over the task that earned it.

11. What Motivates Them? • Intrinsic

12. Intrinsic Motivation • When a child is naturally interested in a subject and task, finds personal value in the task and are motivated to pursue that task independent of pressure or rewards from others, the child is intrinsically motivated.

13. What Motivates Them? • Extrinsic

14. Extrinsic Motivators • When children engage in tasks because of deadlines, avoidance of punishments, to be obedient, to avoid criticism, to maintain self-esteem through pleasing others or from pressure from others they are extrinsically motivated. • The value of the task isn’t important, rather the reward from doing the task is the motivator. • Societal extrinsic motivators can dampen a gifted student’s natural intrinsic motivation.

15. What Can Parents Do? • Create an environment of acceptance where affection, privileges, and love aren’t conditional. • Model tolerance with your own mistakes, share lessons learned from errors, and celebrate your own intrinsic passions. • Teach compassion for those that are less able. • Make new experiences fun; laugh at mistakes, be willing to stumble, without getting judgmental.

16. What Else Can Parents Do? • Talk with them about the topic; clarify your expectations. • Help your child set personal priorities, let them have time to explore his or her interests. • Emphasize the process over the product. • Praise effort and growth, not just successes. Carol Dweck states that teachers and parents should “Teach children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.”

17. What Else Can We Do? • Help your child understand that personal worth isn’t based on other’s evaluations, but from his or her own inherent self-worth. • Avoid comparisons with other siblings, neighbors, and friends. • Teach the value of relaxation. Perfectionists often sacrifice their own health in the pursuit of a goal. • Be willing to seek professional counseling if your child is unable to start or finish tasks for fear of failure, becomes fearful of people realizing that they aren’t “perfect”, or demonstrate depression.

18. You Are So Brilliant! • The perfectionism of gifted children is frequently exaggerated by adults who constantly urge them to live up to their potential.

19. Coping With Mistakes • According to Carol Dweck, “praising children’s intelligence harms their motivation and it harms their performance.” • Messages about success such as, “You learned that so quickly! You are so smart!” may be interpreted as, “If I don’t learn something quickly, I’m not smart.”

20. Coping With Mistakes • In our American culture, when someone makes a mistake or error, they often face guilt, embarrassment, blame, or disappointment. • For gifted children who blunder, their humiliation is even worse since their expectations and those of others are at a higher level.

21. Coping With Mistakes • In many studies praise for effort was more beneficial than praise for children’s ability and intelligence. • Those praised for effort, even if not successful, eventually perform better and like what they are learning more than children praised for their natural abilities. • Furthermore, when praised for effort, mistakes and criticism are more likely to be regarded as useful information that will help them improve.

22. Coping With Mistakes • The message becomes, if success means they’re smart, then failure means they’re dumb. • Obviously, a child would want to avoid failure and, therefore, would not take on risks or challenges.

23. Coping With Mistakes • As a result, gifted children may learn to justify or rationalize their poor choices, faulty judgments, thinking errors, or misconceptions rather than admit a mistake and learn from it. Tavris and Aronson, 2007, “Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why we Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts”

24. Coping With Mistakes • Let them stumble but be there to help them up. • According to David Ginsburg educational author and consultant, “Students' grasp of new concepts and skills is often better when they struggle through the process of learning those concepts and skills than when teachers or parents error-proof that process.”

25. Coping With Mistakes • Please turn and talk with your tablemates about how you can best help your TAG child learn to cope with making mistakes and avoid the pitfalls of developing unhealthy perfectionism.

26. Questions?

27. Resources “Research on Perfectionism and Achievement Motivation: Implications for Gifted Students” by Kathryn L. Fletcher and Kristie L. SpiersNeumeister, Ball State University, Physchology in the Schools, 2012, Vol. 49 pages 668-677 Greenspon, T. Tips for Parents: Perfectionism; Davidson Institute for Talent Development. 2010 Roedell, Wendy. Vulnerabilities of Highly Gifted Children; Roeper Review ,Vol. 6, No. 3, pp. 127-130. 1984 Codd, Mary. Perfectionism and the Gifted Adolescent : Recognizing and Helping Gifted Adolescents Deal with their Perfectionistic Tendencies; Rhode Island Advocates for Gifted Education. 2010