Identifying Empathetic Responses

1. Identifying Empathetic Responses May Knowledge Check

2. Instructions • On the following slides are different comments made by three different speakers. • For each one, you will see a set of possible responses. • From the group of responses, decide which ones are empathetic and which are not.

3. 1. Sheena, a 26 year-old single woman, is describing what went on between her and her two sisters the day before: “It was so-o-o nice of them. Yesterday was my birthday and my sisters surprised me by taking me out to lunch at this terrific restaurant. I couldn’t believe it! They gave me all these little presents!” Which of the following replies are empathetic? • “It sounds like you should have really thanked them and let them know how much you appreciated what they did.” • “It sounds like you had a terrific time!” • “It sounds like they wanted to give you a day to remember.” • “You were really surprised by their thoughtfulness!” Consider your response. The correct answer will appear momentarily.

4. “It sounds like you should have really thanked them and let them know how much you appreciated what they did.” • “It sounds like you had a terrific time!” • “It sounds like they wanted to give you a day to remember.” • “You were really surprised by their thoughtfulness!” Answer: b, c and d are empathetic statements. From her words, Sheena sounds surprised by her sisters’ thoughtfulness, it certainly sounds like she enjoyed herself,, and there is a suggestion that she viewed he sisters as wanting to give her a day to remember. Answer a), on the other hand, reveals more of a “reality oriented” perspective, and additionally there is nothing in Sheena’s tone and words imply that she felt she should have thanked them.

5. 2. Still unable to master a computer program, Dillon turns to you for the third time that day seeking help and direction. He states, “I still cant figure out how to master this stupid program. And you do it so flawlessly!” Which of the following replies are empathetic? • “Are you this slow with every new thing you try?” • “You’ll catch on. I had the same trouble initially too.” • “These programs can feel really frustrating and make you think you’ll never catch on. But it does get easier. • “Learning these programs can make you want to just put your fist through the screen. But it does get better.” • “I know how it feels not catching on right away. I was really aggravated at the beginning, too. Consider your response. The correct answer will appear momentarily.

6. “Are you this slow with every new thing you try?” • “You’ll catch on. I had the same trouble initially too.” • “These programs can feel really frustrating and make you think you’ll never catch on. But it does get easier. • “Learning these programs can make you want to just put your fist through the screen. But it does get better.” • “I know how it feels not catching on right away. I was really aggravated at the beginning, too. Answers c) and d) are empathetic. They capture the sense of frustration Dillon is experiencing. Answer a), obviously, is a judgmental comment that speaks to how you feel about Dillon turning to you yet again, and does not capture Dillon’s thoughts, feelings or behavior. Answer b) is not empathetic either. It is more a sympathetic, reassuring comment. It may be helpful, but it is not empathetic. Answer e), though heading in the right direction in that it is reassuring, is from the speakers perspective, not from Dillon’s. It, too, speaks more to sympathy than empathy.

7. 3. Your roommate gets home at 5:30 p.m., turns to you and sighs, “I didn’t get the promotion. Ralph got it. I just got a speeding ticket on the way home, and I’ve got a major headache.” Which of the following replies are empathetic? • “Don’t worry; you’re smart. I’ve got confidence in you. Another opportunity will show up.” • “You should have seen this coming. Ralph is a hotshot, he’s everybody’s friend, and he does have more experience.” • “Oh what a day you’ve had. You must wonder if it can get any worse.” • “Geez. . .you must feel that nothing’s going your way.” • “Oh, dear, it sounds awful, but others have it worse. Remember Phil? He lost his job last month.” Consider your response. The correct answer will appear momentarily.

8. “Don’t worry; you’re smart. I’ve got confidence in you. Another opportunity will show up.” • “You should have seen this coming. Ralph is a hotshot, he’s everybody’s friend, and he does have more experience.” • “Oh what a day you’ve had. You must wonder if it can get any worse.” • “Geez. . .you must feel that nothing’s going your way.” • “Oh, dear, it sounds awful, but others have it worse. Remember Phil? He lost his job last month.” Answers c) and d) are empathetic statements. You are putting into words what your roommate’s statements and behavior tell you about his or her internal experience. With answer e), although you start off in the direction of empathy, you quickly veer from it, indicating that others have it worse. It may be true but it’s not empathetic because it does not home in on your roommates own internal experience. The response you’d likely get here is that his feelings are being minimized by you. Answers a) and b) are not empathetic; it is a comment made from your perspective.