Persuasive Communication

Persuasive Communication Four Steps to Connecting, Influencing and Getting Positive Results Dr. Melanie Billings-Yun

In Any Interaction • We’re thinking about: • Our perspective • Our feelings • What we want • Why we want it • They’re thinking about: • Their perspective • Their feelings • What they want • Why they want it

Persuasive Communication Involves • Understanding others’ perspectives, then connecting your thoughts to theirs

What is EQ? Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive others’ feelings and to know and manage our own feelings so that they are expressed appropriately and effectively, enabling us to work together smoothly toward our common goals. --Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence

By Communicating with EQYou Will… • Get your message across more effectively • Become more persuasive • Improve relationships • Encourage openness • Reduce conflict • Promote collaboration • Advance faster in your career

Four Steps to Building your Communication EQ • Step into their shoes • Encourage openness • Speak to their interests • Adapt your communication style

1. Step into Their Shoes • Some key questions to ask yourself: • How do they see this issue/situation? • What are their values/priorities? • Do they have the authority to agree? • What are they concerned about? • How responsive are they to me? • What might they object to?

How to Catch a Fish... A poor fisherman baits a hook, drops his line in the water, and tries to attract a fish. The skillful fisherman starts by studying what the fish are biting.

Where Did Joe Go Wrong? Joe, the manager of a training company, calls in his staff and says: I need your help in solving a serious problem we’re facing. In the past two months we’ve suffered a major drop in business. I’ve looked into it and am convinced it’s because of the growing competition in the market. If we want to keep our customers, we’ve got to drop our prices. To do that, I need your support. I need each of you to agree to take a $100 a day cut in your training fees. What do you say? Are we all in this together? Apparently, they weren’t.

2. Encourage Openness • Smile and make eye contact • Appear confident and positive • Be relaxed, friendly, non-confrontational • Help them to feel comfortable • Invite their perspective, don’t push yours

Ask Open Questions • What are your main priorities? • If we can provide extra resources, how quickly could you get us the data? • What’s standing in the way of getting this done? • How could we make this work? • What are your thoughts on this?

Open Questions Gain More Than Facts • Show sincere interest in the other party • Build trust and commitment • Encourage others to open up • Reveal their attitudes, preferences and concerns • Help uncover and resolve conflict • Challenge positively • Increase your influence!

Listen Actively Do… Don’t… Mind-read Multi-task Make faces Interrupt Plan your reply while the other is speaking Dismiss, argue with or ignore their point • Open your mind • Focus on their words • Show you’re listening • Ask follow-up questions • Empathize • Acknowledge their points • Connect to what they say

3. Speak to Their Interests Gain influence by building a bridge to their side: • Respect their perspective • Address, don’t ignore their concerns • Use positive language • Move from “either/or” to “both/and” • Give information to gain trust and understanding • Answer questions fully and patiently • Give a sense of ownership over the decision

Address their Emotional Interests Giving the 3A’s increases cooperation Authority—recognizing and respecting their position and role (vs. regarding them as inferior to yours) Affiliation—treating them as business partners with whom you want work cooperatively (vs. treating them as enemies whom you regard as cheats) Appreciation—acknowledging the merit of their thoughts, feelings or actions (vs. dismissing or demeaning them),while offering a different view

4. Know and Adapt Your Communication Style Extravert Performer Conductor Thinking Feeling Composer Harmonizer Introvert

Which Style is S/he? Q: Is s/he more expressive/direct? or more quiet/indirect? Q: Is s/he more fact/goal-oriented? or context/people-oriented?

Conductors – Give them Efficiency Direct, assertive and goal-oriented Negotiation skills: focus and adaptability Beware of your tendency to… • Get down to business too quickly; force the deal • Interrupt, argue and dominate others • Make one-sided demands, creating resistance • Be too direct; ignore relationship needs Persuasion tools: • Be businesslike, results-oriented and brief • Have knowledge and data at your fingertips • Have an opinion, but give them a sense of control • Be confident, responsive and respectful

Performers– Give them Attention Talkative, friendly, upbeat and spontaneous Negotiation skills: vision and persuasion Beware of your tendency to… • Ignore/get bored by details • Be impatient; give things away for a quick deal • Overwhelm others • Lose emotional control when offended Persuasion tools: • Be friendly, courteous and attentive • Focus on results / potentials • Use brief data, not lists of numbers • Offer discounts / compensation

Composers – Give them Evidence Quiet, unemotional, analytical, detailed Negotiation skills: logic and precision Beware of your tendency to… • Focus excessively on details, losing the big picture • Give no positive feedback or facial expressions • Be silent or try to control the flow of conversation • Become frozen or over-cautious Persuasion tools: • Be formal, businesslike and factual—don’t sell! • Provide credible written data as support • Answer neutrally—both negatives and positives • Give them time to think

Harmonizers – Give them Assurance Warm, low-key, sincere, conservative Negotiation skills: listening and calming Beware of your tendency to… • Be unassertive or give unreadable signals • Avoid conflict or stressful situations • Fear change, risk and being taken advantage of • Be stubborn when pushed, losing the big picture Persuasion tools: • Focus on problem-solving; make it easy • Be open, sincere and patient • Provide trusted references and full explanations • Gain support from others around them

Which Style is This? We booked this room for our honeymoon many many months ago and have TWICE confirmed our booking with you, in writing. As I stated this is our HONEYMOON and was booked long before you were overbooked so we are concerned that you would choose to cancel OUR booking instead of others made after ours! I assume you will provide us with a room of at least equal standard with unobstructed sea view! Moreover, by way of compensation for this extremely annoying situation I expect a 20% discount on the total price of this stay and I fully expect as a gesture of goodwill on your part to now include all meals as part of the package. Please advise urgently as we are getting married tomorrow and leaving for Bangkok soon after.

Which Style is This? I understand that you are facing a difficult situation right now. It must be terrible for you to have to relocate so many guests. However, as a result of your hotel's error, I might have to change my holiday itinerary and this also causes an inconvenience to me as a guest, who will very much like to stay in your hotel. Your previous email did not state any specific details about the _____ Resort. It would be great if you can send me more information. I'll be waiting for your response before deciding whether to accept the move or cancel my booking. I hope that I have your kind understanding that this is only fair for both of us. Hear from you soon

Which Style is This? Thank you for causing us a lot of problems with your mentality of overbooking. In September we booked a Junior Suite for the period from April 9th to 16th and now our travel agency has informed us about the situation in your hotel. It seems that our tour operator FTI can't offer another acceptable alternative solution. If we don't travel to Phuket we'll have to pay nearly the whole price for the flight. Now I'll contact my attorney to check the legal basis of your action and the possibility of a claim against you for recovering all my money. A real “fantastic” handling of your clients!

Which Style is This? • I am writing to express our disappointment in your hotel and your service. There are numerous incidents which, for simple reference, I have listed out as below: • 1. Air-con and TV system were out on the night of Jul 15. We called the operator to ask what had happened. Your staff gave no apology, simply saying that there was an accident and all rooms are like that and asked us to open the window. We do not accept such an attitude. • 2. Adaptor and candle request. On Jul 15, we called the operator asking for a candle so that we could burn the scent that was in our room when we checked in. The person who answered the phone said okay but it never arrived. On Jul 16, we requested an adaptor, but to our surprise your staff asked us to come down ourselves to the lobby to get the adaptor instead of bringing it to our room. • 3. Internet service- on Jul 17, we called and asked about the internet access inside our room which, according to the leaflet in our room, is available in every room. We called the operator and they said okay.

Then on Jul 18, we requested to setup the wireless internet inside our room and the staff in the front desk claimed that only 24-hour packages are available and so, the minimum charge will be 600 Baht. We need to explain to her for over 15 minutes until she got clarified with other staff that one-hour package is available. 4. Pool-side service. On Jul 17, we went to the pool side in the Kota wing, and asked your staff to help us open an umbrella so that we could stay in the chairs underneath. Your staff said okay but then he never came to help us. We waited for over 20 minutes and finally, we decided to leave. We feel it is simply unacceptable to have received such kind of service. This is not only disappointing but it ruined our holidays. As you are a responsible and world-class hotel, I expect you to give us an explanation within 10 days after this email. If we do not hear from you, we will then pass our bad experiences to our friends and relatives so that they can avoid such bad service.

The Five Most Common Communication Obstacles • One-way communication • No connection / empathy • Lack of respect / attention • No concern for the other’s time / style • Forcing your viewpoint

The Good News! Unlike IQ, which you are born with, EQ can be developed. All you need are: Desire EQ Flexibility Open Mind Dedication

Persuasive Communication