The Nature and Reality of Conflict

1. The Nature and Reality of Conflict Skip Bell, DMin

2. DefinitionThe circumstances that occur when two or more individuals are in relationship with each other and differ Skip Bell, DMin

3. Definition – 2The relational dynamics that occur when differing ideas, goals or purposes frustrate another’s ideas goals or purposes Skip Bell, DMin

4. The words crisis and care and conflict come from the same root Skip Bell, DMin

5. The two Chinese characters; wei, meaning danger, and gi meaning opportunity are combined to form the word crisis. Skip Bell, DMin

6. How Conflict Benefits Our Society • Expresses caring • Demonstrates trust • Issues get explored • Increases group cohesion • Produces growth • Enhances identity • Facilitates participation • Improves decision making • Demonstrates diversity • Increases commitment Skip Bell, DMin

7. We Learn to Deal Positively With Conflict as We Grow • The relationships and functions within a family • Interaction with peers • Accepting diversity • Establishing peace and safety in community Skip Bell, DMin

8. The only sociological category that could possibly be compared to the church … is the family. Dietrich Bonhoeffer Skip Bell, DMin

9. Theological Perspectives Skip Bell, DMin

10. What Scripture Says About Conflict – Small and Large Group Reflection • God creates diversity Genesis 1:26-31, 1 Corinthians 12:4,12 • Unity is not uniformity Ephesians 4:1-16 • We are to accept people who see things differently then we do Romans 14:1-3, 15:1-13 • Sinful desires and actions create negative relational dynamics in conflict James 4:1-2 Skip Bell, DMin

11. None of you should think only of his own affairs, but each should learn to see things from other people’s point of view. Philippians 2:4 (Phillips) Skip Bell, DMin

12. THE DYNAMICS OF CONFLICT Skip Bell, DMin

13. A. Conflict Level I • Actual problems exist • The focus is on solving the problem • Language is specific and clear • Trust and openness exist • If there are emotional or communication difficulties they are short-lived • Some would not call it conflict—but it is—and is healthy Skip Bell, DMin

14. B. Conflict Level 2Disagreement • Parties become concerned about defending their position • Language becomes general • Others are drawn into the problem, usually friends or members of the immediate group • Frustrations may exist • “Winning” becomes an issue • Information may be withheld • The idea of compromise becomes relevant Skip Bell, DMin

15. C. Conflict Level 3Contest • Problems and solutions move to the background • Right or wrong becomes an issue • We draw others in and generalize everyone’s feelings or thoughts • Groups begin to form • Things are magnified “They don’t care about the church.” • Feelings and emotions are expressed • It becomes win/lose Skip Bell, DMin

16. D. Conflict Level 4Fight/Flight • Objective becomes breaking relationship • Non-verbal communication is frequent • Opponents are shamed or attacked • Outsiders are enlisted to strengthen the position Skip Bell, DMin

17. E. Conflict Level 5Intractable • People believe the others are dangerous and should be disciplined • It is not enough to be separate • Withdrawal from the conflict becomes almost impossible Skip Bell, DMin

18. Every encounter, whether friendly or hostile, whether benevolent or indifferent, is in some way, unconsciously or consciously, a struggle of power with power.Paul Tillich Skip Bell, DMin

19. Conflict and Power • Power is the ability to influence others • In conflict three kinds of power are used: A. Coercive B. Utilitarian C. Normative • Power is derived from certain factors A. Personal traits B. Role assets C. Relationships Skip Bell, DMin

20. (Conflict and Power 2) • Power is good when: • Power is evil when: Skip Bell, DMin

21. Responding to Conflict – Personal Style Skip Bell, DMin

22. 6 Conflict Management Styles(Speed Leas) • Persuade A. The nature of persuasion B. When C. How • Compel A. The nature of compelling B. When C. How Skip Bell, DMin

23. 6 Conflict Management Styles (2) • Avoid/accommodate A.The nature of avoidance B.When to avoid • Collaborate A.The nature of collaboration B.How to collaborate C.When to collaborate D.Outcomes of collaboration Skip Bell, DMin

24. 6 Conflict Management Styles (3) • Negotiation A.Nature of Negotiation B.When to negotiate C.How to negotiate D.Outcomes Skip Bell, DMin

25. 6 Conflict Management Styles (4) • Support A.The nature of support B.When to support C.How to support D.Outcomes Skip Bell, DMin

26. Change New generations of members frameworks.doc Loss of church members New members Threats Misunderstandings Personal needs Conditions That Trigger Conflict in the Church Skip Bell, DMin

27. Conditions That Trigger Conflict in the Church - 2 • Mistreatment • Power and control issues • Immaturity and selfishness • Financial stress • Specific performance expectations • Denominational events Skip Bell, DMin

28. Why are Some Churches Constantly in Conflict? • Significant family networks • A high level of interaction between members • Shifts in membership demographics • Strong conservative attitudes or beliefs • Idealism • High expectations Skip Bell, DMin

29. Why are Some Churches Constantly in Conflict? (2) • High levels of involvement • Poor people skills • Poor communication skills • Lack of respect for people with responsibility • Old wounds Skip Bell, DMin

30. Preventing Harmful Conflict • Give affirmation • Cultivate social fellowship • Focus on acceptance • Model and teach encouragement • Exercise care behaviors • Demonstrate integrity • Show respect for everyone Skip Bell, DMin

31. A STRATEGY FOR CORPORATE CONFLICT RESOLUTION Skip Bell, DMin

32. Committing to a resolution process acknowledges that previous efforts at resolving conflict have not achieved satisfaction. Since resolution needs to be recognized as a new beginning, I prefer to use the term mediation. Entering mediation signals a new communication pattern that interrupts previous processes. It is a a new and constructive effort that all parties commit to. Skip Bell, DMin

33. I. Phase One (of four) - Contracting • A representative of the church contacts the mediator. (first of ten steps) • A face to face meeting with key people from within the church but “distanced” from the conflict is scheduled to explore the appropriateness of mediation in the context of the conflict. • An agreement form between the mediator and the church is voted and signed by the board including a payment schedule or other covenant. Skip Bell, DMin

34. I. Phase One - Contracting - 2 4. A face to face meeting is held with no discussion of merits of either position. The mediator establishes relationship and talks about process. The value of peace is emphasized. a. If the dispute is among groups of members and not involving the pastor/s the mediator meets with the board (no disputants present) and pastor/s, then with the disputants separately b. If the dispute is among pastor/s and /or the board the mediator meets with each group alone c. If the dispute involves pastor/s, board members, and certain others have two or three “distanced” and respected individuals present with the board and pastor/s 5. An agreement is signed by key disputants to enter mediation if the mediator chooses to continue Skip Bell, DMin

35. I. Phase One - Contracting - 3 • All interested parties are informed by their representatives that the meeting has occurred and that the mediator will be sending communication • Representatives of each group receive a letter from the mediator with prepared questions to further test readiness for mediation and to be returned to the mediator Skip Bell, DMin

36. I. Phase One - Contracting - 4 • Each group is asked to read a resource article/s on resolving church conflict • The mediator meets again with representatives of each group in the conflict separately to hear their concern as well as further establish a relationship • A “preliminary” meeting is scheduled with the original contracting group and disputants together to affirm and describe the process further Skip Bell, DMin

37. II. Phase Two -Preliminary Meeting • Prayer • Introductions and remarks • Presentation regarding the nature of conflict and constructive approaches • The process is described • Communication and process ground rules are established Skip Bell, DMin

38. II. Phase Two -Preliminary Meeting - 2 • A written commitment is provided and signed by all, if the mediator chooses to continue • Agreement must be achieved on the nature of the problem and the issues. No solutions are offered. • A schedule for the mediation is established • Participants prepare by prayer – and everyone reads an article on scriptural conflict resolution • Close in prayer session Skip Bell, DMin

39. III. Phase Three - Mediation Session • Each party presents their perspective with presence of the mediator as referee • Underlying interests and values are identified – by the groups and the mediator • Options are presented by each group after time for caucus • An agreement is proposed by the mediator Skip Bell, DMin

40. IV. The Concluding Phase • The mediator prepares a memorandum of agreement • A draft is reviewed by all parties and feedback given to the mediator. You may choose to do this in person. • A final draft is formed by the mediator and reviewed by all parties • Opportunities for personal reconciliation are given • If organizational change is needed to address the conflict source, the mediator recommends a change strategy • A corporate reconciliation event may be appropriate Skip Bell, DMin

41. Dispute Mediation Skip Bell, DMin

42. The Dynamics of Conflict in Cultural Diversity Skip Bell, DMin

43. Conflict Perspectives in the Two-Thirds World • Relationships are valued above things, accuracy, truth • Persons are not separated from their words or acts • Honor, saving face, are extremely important • Community solidarity is preferred to individuality • Indirect communication is used for difficult subjects Skip Bell, DMin

44. DEALING WITH CHURCH ANTAGONISTS Skip Bell, DMin

45. Healthy resolution of church conflict requires that those involved value one another as human beings, put forth the effort required to understand opposing points of view, and mutually agree that the good of the congregation is paramount. Unfortunately, antagonists do none of these consistently. Kenneth Haugk Skip Bell, DMin

46. A. How to Identify Antagonism • Definition of antagonism • Three types of antagonism • Indicators of antagonistic personalities • Warning signs of antagonistic activity Skip Bell, DMin

47. B. Dealing with Antagonists • General principles • Essentials • Steps in a strategy Skip Bell, DMin

48. C. Preventing Antagonism • Establish a healthy environment • Formalize a conflict management process Skip Bell, DMin

49. D. When Should a Pastor Move Due to Antagonism? • Not too quickly • When a majority of the church opposes you • Your effectiveness is gone • Your health is at risk • You are counseled by several sources to move • When there is no better option for the congregation Skip Bell, DMin