Chapter 3 Lessons 1,2,3

1. “A prerequisite to empathy is simply paying attention to the person in pain.” Chapter 3Lessons 1,2,3 Achieving Mental & Emotional Health Self Esteem Character & Personal Identity Emotions Anger Management

2. Such principles do not always dictate a single “moral’ course of action, but provide a means of evaluating and deciding among competing options. Making Ethical Decisions, Wes Hanson Some Key Terms… Ethics– refers to principles that define behavior as right, good and proper.

3. Some Key Terms… Values– The inner judgments or beliefs that determine how a person actually behaves The terms “Ethics” and “Values” are NOT interchangeable.

4. Let’s Boil it Down Some More… Ethics = Behavior Values = Beliefs

5. WHAT DOES THIS QUOTE MEAN TO YOU? The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.” ― Abigail Van Buren

6. AIR Paying it forward Accountability – taking ownership actions, choices, and outcomes Integrity – firm observance of core ethical values Respect – treating yourself, other people, your school, and property with care and dignity Values – ideas, beliefs, and attitudes about what is import and guide the way you live.

7. Pick 10 that are most important to you and how you behave

8. Elimination Imagine you can only keep 5, cross off the 5 that are least important to you. Now imagine that you are only permitted four. Which would you give up? Cross it off. Now cross off another, to bring our list down to three. And another, to bring our list down to two. Finally cross off one of your two values. Which is the one item on the list that you care most about?

9. DO NOW: Rate Values 1 - 5 1 not important- 5 very important • Give 100% in everything I do. • To be honest. • To make lots of money. • To be respectful to my parents. • To have a positive outlook. • To try new things. • To be healthy. • To get the most out of everyday. • To be respected by my friends. • To do well in school. • To do well in activities I enjoy.

10. How could YOU demonstrate good character? Character- qualities that describe how a person thinks, feels, and behaves

11. 6 Common Traits of Character 1) Trustworthiness 2) Respect 3) Responsibility 4) Fairness 5) Caring 6) Citizenship Define TERMS

12. 1) Trustworthiness – honest, loyal, reliable, 2) Respect – considerate others and except differences 3) Responsibility – use self control, think before you act, consider consequences 4) Fairness – play by rules, share, take turns 5) Caring – kind & compassionate 6) Citizenship – take interest in world around you

13. Kind integrity loyalty Teamwork Courage Fairness Loyal Honest Perseverance Respect Citizenship Diligence Accountability

14. Value Wall • FIRST NAME TOP (BIG) • #1 Character Trait CENTER (BIG) • Draw Three pictures how you show that trait. • Name & Last Name on BACK

15. Self Fulfillment- inner talent, creativity Self Worth - important, capable, confident. , recognized, self esteem & self respect Love & Friendship Safety Physical Self Actualization – being the best you can

17. Personality – complex set of characteristics that makes you unique Influences: 1) Heredity 2) Environment Modeling- observing & learning from the people around you Role Model – Someone whose success or behavior serves as an example for you

18. The Man In The Glass  Peter Dale Wimbrow When you get what you want in your struggle for selfAnd the world makes you king for a dayJust go to the mirror and look at yourselfAnd see what that man has to say.For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife Whose judgment upon you must passThe fellow whose verdict counts most in your lifeIs the one staring back from the glass.He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the restFor he’s with you, clear to the endAnd you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous testIf the man in the glass is your friend.You may fool the whole world down the pathway of yearsAnd get pats on the back as you passBut your final reward will be heartache and tearsIf you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

19. Brain and Self-Esteem (failures) Brains Works Riding Bike Self-Esteem Training an Elephant

20. High or Low Self-Esteem Are the following traits an example of high or low self esteem? How many describe you?

21. Fears change or trying new things. Take responsibility for one’s actions & mistakes Able to take charge and show leadership Aware and accepting of one’s own strengths & weakness Unable to show leadership, follows others When victimized remains victim does not overcome situation Accepts change and is eager to accept new things. Has self respect and self confidence Always criticizes self or blames others Gets approval from self and does not depend on others. Tends to find the negative in things, people, and situations

22. Self Esteem – how much you value, respect, and feel confident about yourself Personal identity – your sense of yourself as a unique

23. John Foppe Video“I am unique……I am of great worth.” John F Video – Self-Esteem (Personal Identity)

24. Form Positive Self-Esteem/Personal Identity • Strengths & weaknesses • Positive values • Goals • Meaningful relationships • Constructive criticism – non- hostile comments that encourage improvement • Self-talk – say good things about yourself

25. Emotions Learning how to deal with emotions can reduce violence Emotions – signals that tell your mind and body how to react Types Emotions -Anger - Fear - Love - Guilt - Happiness Empathy – understand how someone feels

26. 720,000 (10-24) treated in ER because of VIOLENCE Hostility – intentional use of unfriendly or offensive behavior

27. These will help for the short term but eventually a person needs to work through emotion Defense Mechanism – mental process that protects individuals from strong emotions Repression- Involuntary pushing feelings out of thought Suppression- Voluntary ………… Regression- acting like a child

28. Projection- blaming others for your emotion Denial- unconscious lack of acknowledgement obvious to others Rationalization – giving another interpretation Compensation- making up for weakness by giving gifts

29. ANGER QUOTES “He who angers you conquers you.” ~Elizabeth Kenny “Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath. ” ~Eckhart Tolle

30. ANGER Anger is a very powerful emotion. It is every bit as normal as falling in love. No one can make us angry, we make ourselves angry. Anger is a result of unmet expectations or need.

31. WHAT IS YOUR ANGER STYLE? Answer Each Questions with a score of 0- means the item is never of rarely true for you 1 – means it is sometimes true 2- means that the item is almost always true for you

32. 1. I am blunt and forceful when things don’t go my way. 2. I avoid or withdraw from people when I am angry with them. 3. I complain about people behind their back, but not to their face. 4. I disagree with others without attacking them or becoming defensive. 5. I don’t keep grudges or seek revenge when problems cannot be solved. 6. I don’t like to let other people know when I am angry. 7. I feel like hitting someone who makes me very angry. 8. I don’t like to express my anger. 9. I am depressed or moody. 10. I look for solutions that make everyone happy. 11. I politely, but firmly, tell others when I am angry. 12. I pout and feel sorry for myself when I am angry. 13. I cover my anger by drinking, taking drugs, or overeating. 14. I swear loudly to blow off steam. 15. I take some time to calm down before talking with others. 16. I try not to let my anger show. 17. I use sarcasm and “little jokes or names” to make people look bad or feel bad. 18. If I’m very upset, I’ll hit something. 19. If things are bad enough, I’ll throw something. 20. When I am angry, I become silent to make it obvious that I am unhappy.

33. STYLE A – OPEN AGGRESSION Use physical or verbal force to get rid threats -This is one of your body’s natural reactions to severe stress. • Physical or verbal force often leads to more anger and problems. • People who vent their anger through physical or verbal force tend to become more angry, rather than less.

34. Style B – Suppressed Anger pretend that they are not angry. T • ignore their angry feelings and hope that they will go away. • feel uncomfortable expressing anger and don’t want other people to know when they are angry. • People who manage their anger this way may develop headaches, ulcers, stomachaches, or other illnesses

35. Style C – Passive Aggressive • show their anger in indirect ways, instead of dealing with the problem head on. • They often hope the other person will notice that they are angry by pouting, refusing to talk, or giving clues, such as slamming a door or stomping their feet. • This style also tries to get back at the person by talking about them behind their back, “belittling” him/her, or using sarcasm. • It often leads to more anger and problems.

36. Style D - Assertive Problem Solving aware of yourself getting angry and control their anger and express it in polite and honest ways. • They are able to talk with others without attacking them. • They listen to other people’s point of view and try to solve problems in ways that meet everyone’s needs. • They are able to let go of their angry feelings and forgive other people, even when problems cannot be solved. • They do not carry grudges and are not bitter. • This style promotes good health and strong relationships

37. Anger trigger- what causes the anger Displacement – taking your anger out on something or someone else

38. Anger Cues- bodily changes during anger Breathing & sweating increase Hrt & BP increase Dry mouth Decreased sensitivity to pain Increased muscle strength Facial cues (eyebrows, lips, red face)

39. Anger Management Skills A – Aware of anger triggers C – Channel your energy different direction T - TALK about the situation Anger Management Handout

40. Anger level (1-10 utter rage) Physical Response: How did your body respond? What caused anger? What was you response? What could have you done differently?

47. The purposes of doing this "Letter to Self" are: • To provide a record of your life and who you are now • To anchor in time your current views, attitudes, philosophy, and outlook • To explore your feelings and opinions about a variety of issues • To create a document that, years from now, will have significant value to you

48. ME, NOW: my hopes, fears, dreams, intentions, goals, problems, concerns, likes, dislikes, joys, frustrations; what I like about myself; what I don't like about myself; what I'm proud of; what I think about; what bothers me; who I am, etc. • MY WORLD:  a description of my home, bedroom, school, neighborhood, town; my favorite places to go; chores, allowance, pet(s), possessions, clothes, religion, current events; FAVORITES: books, music groups, movies, TV, etc.  Include a map of your room, street, etc. • WHAT I DO: my hobbies, pastimes, sports, school activities; what I do when I'm alone; what I do with friends; favorite snacks and foods; chores; how I spend my weekends and vacations; special activities I do, organizations I belong to, etc. • PEOPLE IN MY LIFE: my family, siblings, aunts and uncles, grandparents, friends, best friend(s), teachers, the opposite sex, "him" or "her," who I like, people I'd like to know better, people I admire and respect, important people in my life, people who annoy me, etc. • MY FUTURE: predictions, what I want to do, my long range intentions, what I'm looking forward to; what I'm dreading; my goals, my hopes and fears for the world; summer vacation, high school, college, marriage, employment, etc.