Mate Selection and Marriage

1. Mate Selection and Marriage Family Life

2. What first attracts you to the opposite sex? • What characteristics are most important to you? You attract what you are….. not what you want.

3. Halo effect: The assumptions that good-looking people possess more desirable social characteristics. • Happiest couples feel their partner is attractive & they have the best sex lives. Appearance continues to be important through marriage. Changes in wife’s appearance have more effect than changes in husband’s appearance.

4. THEORIES OF MATE SELECTION: • Men are valued for status & money. • Women are valued for good looks, child rearing & homemaking skills. Who is the most powerful man in America? Who is the most influential woman in America?

5. MARRIAGE GRADIENT: Why men choose younger women & women choose higher status. • MARRIAGE SQUEEZE: Older women have fewer eligible males. Working women don’t need a man for a paycheck but want a companion.

6. FIELD OF ELIGIBLES: Culture approves of potential partners. ENDOGAMY: Marriage within a particular group. EXOGAMY: Marriage outside a particular group. • Does not allow incestuous relationships. • Second cousins allowed to marry, first cousins over 40 years old. • Native Americans and Orientals marry outside race more often.

7. OPPOSITES ATTRACT FACT OR FALLACY? Question: What things are important to have in common?

8. Important Similarities • Race – 97% marriages of same race. • Religion – Greatest risk of divorce is if one is very religious. • Socioeconomic Status – Men often marry down, women often marry up. • Age – Members of same generation at same life tasks. Gap has narrowed and age entering marriage has climbed. • Propinquity – Residence, geographically limited locale (internet).

9. Heterogamous Marriages Homogamous marriages are more likely to succeed because Heterogamous marriages: • Different values and lack understanding. • Lack approval from friends and family, less support. • Less conventional, therefore less likely to stay married for looks. Activity – Take Temperament test.

10. WHO SHOULD I MARRY? PREDICTORS OF DIVORCE: • Both teens = 3 to 4 x more likely to divorce • Only 5% will last more than 5 years • Girl is a teen = 2 x more likely to divorce

11. Predictors of Success • Common skills • Good emotional & physical health • High self esteem • High education level • Older age at first marriage • High social status • Longer courtship • average engagement 9 months • average acquaintance 2 – 2 1/2 years)

12. Predictors of Success Parent Model • High marriage quality in family of origin • High level of happiness in childhood • Positive relationship between parents Support from significant others • Parent approval of spouse • Liking of in-laws • Support of friends

13. HOW MANY GUYS WOULD ASK A GIRL OUT WITH OUT BEING GIVEN PERMISSION BEFOREHAND? Men are afraid of rejection from women. • 1% of men preferred women who waited to be asked. • 99% of men wanted women to hint to be asked. • 50% of men preferred women to ask them out.

14. HOW DO YOU MEET PEOPLE FOR DATING? • Open field: A setting in which potential partners may not be likely to meet, characterized by large numbers of people who do not ordinarily interact, such as a beach, mall or campus. • Closed field: A setting in which potential partners may meet, characterized by a small number of people who are likely to interact, such as a class, dorm or party). Parties are the most common place 1/3 to 1/2 of all meetings are introductions by friends. (also internet, classified ads, dating services and churches)

15. PROBLEMS IN DATING • Power is not usually a problem in dating but gender roles are. • Who pays? • Who decides? • Communication • Shyness • Sexual pressure

16. Increasing: Divorced, widowed, never married • Delayed marriage • Employment options for women • Increased divorce & decreased likelihood of remarriage • More women in college • More liberal social & sexual standards • Uneven ratios of unmarried women to men

17. SINGLEHOOD • Increases economic, & emotional independence. • Difficulty committing and doing what one ought to do rather than what one wants to do. • Men need women less than women need men thus men flee obligation. • Men less mentally healthy as single. • Media portrays singles as glorified and marriage as unsatisfied with affairs.

18. TYPES OF NEVER MARRIEDS • Ambivalence: voluntary and temporary • Wishful: Involuntarily & temporary • Resolved: Permanent and prefer it • Regretful: Resigned to their fate. Often well educated, high income over 40 but no available men.

19. MYTHS OF SINGLEHOOD • Singles are dependent on their parents • Singles are self-centered • Singles have more money (married couples are better off – dual incomes) • Singles are happier • Singles view single hood as a lifetime alternative

20. CHARACTERISTICS OF SINGLEHOOD • Singles don’t fit into married society • Singles have more time • Singles have more fun • Singles are lonely

21. COHABITATION

22. COHABITATION LEGAL PROBLEMS • Can’t file joint tax return • Can’t make medical decisions • Can’t inherit • Can’t enter hospital or jail restricted to “family” • Can’t create estate trust • Can’t claim marital deduction on income tax • Can’t receive survivor insurance benefits • Can’t get health benefits, bereavement leave, etc • Can’t collect unemployment if you move for a partners job • Can’t get residency status for a noncitizen

23. COMMITMENT • May not work as hard. • Lack of pooling of money • More fighting & violence • Man not expected to support his partner, both work • Less social support • Greater likelihood of divorce • More liberal, independent, less religious, lower income