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BES-t Practice Leadership Training. The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace Gary Chapman Paul White. Why People Stay. In a survey of over 35,000 employees completed by the Chicago Tribune, the number one reason cited by the respondents of why they enjoyed their work was:
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BES-t Practice Leadership Training The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace Gary Chapman Paul White
Why People Stay In a survey of over 35,000 employees completed by the Chicago Tribune, the number one reason cited by the respondents of why they enjoyed their work was: “I feel genuinely appreciated by this company” November 2013 This must be pretty important
The Big Picture “More than 80% of employees say they’re motivated to work harder when their boss shows appreciation for their work, and more than half of those surveyed said they would stay longer at their company if they felt more appreciation from their boss” (BusinessNewsDaily, 2013)
When relationships are not nurtured by a sense of appreciation, the results are predictable: • Team members will experience a lack of connectedness with others and with the mission of the organization. • Workers will tend to become discouraged, feeling “There is always more to do and no one appreciates what I’m doing.” • Often employees will begin to complain about their work, their colleagues, and their supervisor. • Eventually, team members start to think seriously about leaving the organization and they begin to search for other employment.
Why People Leave • 64% of Americans who leave their jobs say they do so because they don’t feel appreciated. US Dept of Labor • The number one factor in job satisfaction is not the amount of pay but whether or not the individual feels appreciated and valued for the work they do. Employee Recognition PLUS Engagement is key to retaining good employees.
Recognition vs Appreciation • Recognition is largely about behavior, “Catch them doing what you want, and recognize it,” • Appreciation, conversely, focuses on performance plus the employee’s value as a person. The relational direction of recognition is top-down, coming from leadership. Appreciation, on the other hand, can be communicated in any direction.
The Perception Gap • “While 51% of managers believe they do a good job of recognizing job well done by their staff, only 17% of the employees in the same groups believe their managers recognize them for doing a good job” (SHRM/Globoforce Employee Recognition Survey, 2012) • The Gap - 34% managers are not aware of their failure to recognize when their team does a good job. • Only 1 in 6 employees (17%) feel they are recognized for doing a good job.
So why do we struggle to show Appreciation? • We really don’t appreciate others (pride, self focused) • We don’t know how, (likely grew up without it) • We have no idea that it matters this much (ignorance) • “It’s their job” mentality (boss) • We believe we are, and fail to realize we aren’t (blind spot) • When we do, it doesn’t seem to matter (excuses, deflection) • Others? Why does it seem so much easier to show appreciation to some and not others?
Which is more true about our efforts to show appreciation? (discussion) • Quantity – We just don’t do it enough. We should be showing appreciation consistently more often to everyone. If we did we would help a larger number of our employees feel valued. • Quality – We do it fairly often, but we miss the mark. We need to figure out better ways to communicate appreciation to our employees.
What language are we speaking? • Each person has a primary and secondary language of appreciation. Our primary language communicates more deeply to us than the others. Although we will accept appreciation in all five languages, we will not feel truly encouraged unless the message is communicated through our primary language. • When messages are sent repeatedly in ways outside of that language, the intent of the message “misses the mark” and loses the impact the sender had hoped for.
How do managers typically try to show appreciation? • Nice Job! • Employee recognition programs (Employee of the Month) • Bonus programs • High Fives/Pat on the back • Christmas parties/Dinners • Food/Candy • Raises • Others?
The 5 Languages of Appreciation #1: Words of Affirmation #2: Quality Time #3: Acts of Service #4: Tangible Gifts #5: Physical Touch (appropriate)
Words of Affirmation For? • Praise for Accomplishments • Affirmation for Character • Praise for Personality How & Where? • Personal (private) conversations • Praise in front of others (recognition) • Written Affirmation (deeply personal but less direct)
Quality Time What is Quality Time? • Quality Time is giving the person your focused attention. • It involves interaction and the ability to share and be heard. • It requires good listening skills and genuine interest of both parties. • It involves being available, intentional setting aside of time. To some people words are hollow and easy to say. Some people need to connect beyond words.
Acts of Service True leadership requires a willingness to serve others “Don’t tell me you care; show me” “Actions speak louder than words.” • Some people learn from watching others and they really need the visual input to grow. They are sharpened the same way. • For some Words and Quality time doesn’t do the trick. They need to see you in action so they can work to copy your example. “Share in my adventure.” • Sometimes people just need a little help - Relief in times of stress can be the best act of service you can do for someone struggling. • If a person grew up with much to do and little help, acts of service speaks to them.
Tangible Gifts • For some, appreciation is better when it comes in a form you can touch and feel. Words can be invisible. • People will take things that mean much to them to the grave. • Practical gifts – Clothing, food, tools, electronics, gift cards etc. • Non-practical gifts – Flowers, cards, photos, jewelry etc. • People who value tangible gifts value the sentiment much more than the item. (ex: a Hershey's Kiss can go along way) • It really is the thought that counts in their mind. They can go buy candy anytime they want.
Physical Touch In the workplace of course there needs to be boundaries, but there are appropriate ways to express appreciation with physical touch. If you grew up in a “touchy feely” family you will likely carry that trait to work with you. So what is appropriate? • Hand Shake • High Fives • Pat on the back What would be some boundaries to consider? • Same sex, opposite sex? • Age and relationship? • Marital status? • Position?
Discussion Time • What is your Primary Language of Appreciation? • What is your Secondary…? • What is your lowest language of appreciation? • What language in others do you connect with well? • What language in others presents your biggest difficulty? • Can you identify any missed opportunities from your past?