WHAT I WISH I KNEW WHEN BEGINNING A SINGLE ADULT MINISTRY

1. WHAT I WISH I KNEW WHEN BEGINNING A SINGLE ADULT MINISTRY DISCOVERING THE KEYS THAT UNLOCK THE ANSWERS! Dennis Franck Director, Single Adult Ministries Assemblies of God

2. TYPES OF SINGLE ADULTS… WHO WILL ATTEND • NEVER MARRIED-mostly ages 18-35 • FORMERLY MARRIED-all ages 20-65 • WIDOWED-all ages 25-65 • SINGLE PARENT-mostly ages 20-50 • SEPARATED-all ages 20-65 (legally married but living a single life)

3. VAST AGE SPAN-19-65 yrs • Varied interests… • Varied physical abilities… • Varied preferences… • Varied opinions…

4. COMMON NEEDS/INTERESTS OF MARRIED & SINGLE ADULTS • SALVATION • BAPTISM • DISCIPLESHIP • OBEDIENCE • PRAYER LIFE • COMMITMENT • BIBLE TEACHING • SPIRITUAL GROWTH

5. Spiritual Growth Singleness issues Friendships with same and opposite sex Money management Understanding Sexuality Developing Identity Stress management Coping with changes Setting goals Career issues Self esteem Dating Pre-marital education Understanding emotions Learning to risk Acceptance Guilt Loneliness Financial issues COMMON INTERESTS/NEEDS OF SINGLE ADULTS (all ages)

6. Rearing kids alone Shared parenting Relating to ex spouse Time away from kids Extra financial issues Learning to forgive Learning to trust Dating/dating again Divorce Recovery Grief Recovery Learning to risk Fitting in Finding my new role Depression Managing anger Blending families Relating to married adults as a single UNIQUE INTERESTS/NEEDSOFSINGLE ADULTS

7. ASK THESE QUESTIONS! • Who are we trying to reach? • Why are we trying to reach them? • What are the demographics of our church? • What are the demographics of our community?

8. ASK THESE QUESTIONS! • What resources do we have now?(People-Facilities-Money-Materials etc.) • What resources do we need to get? • Who else is doing what we want to do? • Same denomination • Other denominations/independent

9. BY AGE… 18-25-College age 20’s & 30’s (24-37 Gen X) 30+Single/single- again (35+ if have 20’s & 30”s) 55+ “Mature” Single BY NEED…. Single Parents & children -Pre-school -Elementary -Jr/Sr High Divorce Care & children -Age groups Widowed DESIGN MINISTRY BYAGE AND/OR NEED GROUPS

10. MINISTRY GROUP MODELS DESIGN YOUR MINISTRY BY YOUR PURPOSE/MISSION… • OUTREACH • DISCIPLESHIP • SOCIAL • DISCUSSION • EDUCATION • COMBINATION

11. OUTREACH • Topical teaching on personal issues • Discussion opportunities-small & large group • Informal seating-tables and chairs best • Extended fellowship time (15-30 minutes) • Light, short praise and worship • Refreshments provided-helpful to fellowship • Many people involved in the meeting • Prayer-short times of-few involved • Attracts mature, immature Christians and unbelievers • Attracts many visitors • Functions well in neutral, non-threatening settings • Frequency-weekly to monthly

12. DISCIPLESHIP • Bible-study oriented-Bible books & spiritual topics • Discussion-small and large group • Praise & worship-heavy, maybe extended • Prayer-various types & much time for • Group interaction with teacher during teaching • Short fellowship time • Attracts strong & maturing Christians • Does not attract many visitors or unbelievers • Refreshments-May be provided, but not necessary • Location-church, home or other • Frequency-weekly to monthly

13. SOCIAL • Many types of social/recreational events • Attracts unbelievers, immature & mature Christians • Attracts visitors • Teaching-rare, devotional type if ever • Prayer-minimal if ever • Praise & worship-rare if ever • Discussion-rare, if ever • Location-various settings and types of • Frequency-weekly to monthly • Consider cost • Consider target age • Refreshments-usual and often

14. EDUCATIONAL • Praise & worship-light & brief if any • Teaching-concentrated for a period of time • Half day to day-and-a-half -3-8 week series • Personal and spiritual topics • Discussion-large & small groups • Prayer-short and brief, one to several involved • Visitors-attracted to this • Attracts immature and mature Christians • Location-church rooms and neutral locations • Frequency-2-4 months • Refreshments-helpful for fellowship

15. DISCUSSION • Praise & worship-rare and brief • Teaching-rare, brief and topical • Discussion-regular, small group-possible large group wrap up • Visitors-attracted to and frequent • Prayer-short & brief • Attracts immature and mature Christians • Location-church rooms and neutral settings • Frequency-weekly to monthly • Refreshments-helpful for fellowship

16. COMBINATION • PLAN A TOTAL MINISTRY… • BUILD IT IN STAGES… • WAIT TILL YOU HAVE LEADERSHIP • WAIT TILL YOU HAVE RESOURCES • Vision • Room (s) • Finances • Resources • Materials

17. ON GROUNDS BENENFITS • 1) More people exposed to your church • 2) Less storage problems • 3) Less set up, clean up and transporting of tables, chairs, props, materials etc. • 4) More access to tables, chairs, props etc. • 5) Less time finding a meeting room

18. ON GROUNDS BENEFITS • 6) Less risk of losing the meeting room • 7) No cost • 8) Fewer requests to announce other churches' events • 9) More exposure of the ministry to your church

19. OFF GROUNDS BENEFITS • 1) More community exposure • 2) Attracts more unbelievers due to neutral setting • 3) Attracts more believers who do not have a singles ministry at their church • 4) Attracts more children of single parents to transport to your church for Sunday School • Easier to build a city-wide influence and image

20. OFF GROUNDS BENEFITS • 6) Easier to build relationships with other pastors • 7) Less denominational hang ups in peoples' minds due to the neutral setting • 8) More flexibility with schedule • Any size church could sponsor the ministry • Easier for several churches to sponsor together

21. POTENTIAL LABELSROM. 14:16-DO NOT ALLOW WHAT YOU CONSIDER GOOD TO BE SPOKEN OF AS EVIL….DON’T CRITICIZE THAT WHICH IS JUSTIFIABLE • LONELY HEARTS CLUB………LONERS • DATING MARKET………………LOVERS • HOSPITAL………….……………..LOSERS • CHURCH………………….……….LEAVERS • PLACE OF/FOR MINISTRY...…..LIVERS

22. HEALING AND WHOLENESS • HEALING AND WHOLENESS -Spiritual-emotional-relational-physical • EMERGENCY ROOM -Sometimes people need help right now • MOBILITY AND TRANSIENCY REASONS FOR: 50 % TURNOVER EVERY 6-12 MONTHS!… “NUMBERS GAME” -move -no one interests them -unfriendliness -marry -conviction -offended -break up -wrong ages -involved in other -too spiritual -not ok with singleness area of church -not spiritual -biases toward others -philosophy diff. -DON’T’ WORRY ABOUT IT! WORK AT CLOSING THE BACK DOOR! -MINISTER TO PEOPLE WHILE THEY ARE THERE!

23. OPENNESS AND HONESTY • OPENNESS & HONESTY -Single adults tell it like it is -Frank, bold, honest teaching needed on relevant issues • COUNSELING -Spiritual, relational, emotional, psychological -Refer to qualified individuals when necessary -Establish relationships with Christian counselors

24. HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS • NEED FOR FRIENDSHIPS -Probably the biggest need -Provide varied/many opportunities for -Wholeness comes through healthy friendships • TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE -Lifter-spiritually/emotionally strong -Leaner- “ “ weak

25. ENTRANCES/EXITS OF PEOPLE • OPEN DOOR -Everyone is accepted… -Regardless of spiritual, social, mental, physical situations • REVOLVING DOOR -Everyone leaves… -Immediately-later-eventually • SLIDING DOOR -Help mainstream single adults into church -Allow them to leave to minister

26. INTEGRATION IS THE GOAL! • IT IS THE GOAL FOR MOST PEOPLE TO: • EVENTUALLY LEAVE THE MINISTRY • MAINSTREAM INTO THE CHURCH • TAKE CHURCH LEADERSHIP POSITIONS • MIX WITH OTHER TYPES OF PEOPLE • BECOME COMFORTABLE IN THE TOTAL LIFE OF THE CHURCH

27. OBTAINING SR PASTOR SUPPORT • Meet with him-regularly to inform him • Give him materials • Ask for help-budget, promotion, speaking • Feature the pastor at a major event • Interview board members at a meeting/class • Send mailings to them • Talk to them at church

28. PLAN INTENTIONALLY • LOCATION-on or off the church grounds-possible pros & cons • FORMAT-components of the meeting, scheduling of time for each • SEATING-formal or informal, use of tables and chairs • TEACHING-style, topics, discussion opportunities, question & answer etc. • REFRESHMENTS-simple, inexpensive

29. CORRECT THE MISCONCEPTIONS • Purposes of the ministry-Where are they stated? How often? Are they known? • Image of the ministry and single adults • Loners-Singles are usually lonely… • Losers-Singles are usually hurting and needy… • Lovers-Singles are usually looking for someone… • Leavers-Singles are usually uncommitted… • Livers-Singles can be effective ministers! (Jesus was single)

30. PROVIDE BALANCED TEACHING • TWO TYPES OF TEACHING NEEDED: • PERSONAL TOPICS- Relationships, Self Esteem, Sexuality, Career choice, Pre-marital issues, Divorce care, Single parenting etc. • SPIRITUAL TOPICS-Salvation, Faith, Commitment, Prayer, Discipline, Growth, etc.

31. PROVIDE BALANCED OPPORTUNITIES • Spiritual Opportunities… • Relational Opportunities… • Educational Opportunities… • Social Opportunities…

32. BUDGET & FINANCES • ANY MINISTRY WORTH HAVING IS WORTH FUNDING! • Educate the Sr. Pastor/Board • Realize single adults will give to the cause • Being part of the church budget is best! • Take and keep offerings towards ministry costs

33. PROMOTION • Promote INSIDE the church • Flyers, bulletins, dramas, posters, videos, emails, visits to adult classes, other groups etc. • Promote OUTSIDE the church • Website, posters, business cards, newspaper ads, radio public service announcements, brochures in counseling/shopping centers, laundry mats etc.

34. UNDERSTAND COUNSELING NEEDS • TYPES NEEDED: • SPIRITUAL ISSUES • RELATIONAL ISSUES • PERSONAL ISSUES • PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES PROVIDE AND/OR REFER TO OTHER COUNSELORS

35. NO VISITORS COMING? • LEADERSHIP SHOULD EVALUATE… • Current promotion • Friendliness of the group • Format of the meeting • Time, location of meeting • Image of the group • Teaching topics, style etc • Opportunities for discussion • Opportunities for fellowship

36. PLAN LOCAL OUTREACHES • Group can easily become inward-focused • Outreach helps single adults look outside of themselves • Outreach will give individuals a bigger perspective • Outreach will give individuals a better perspective • Outreach will give your ministry credibility

37. LOOK FOR A LEADER • The buck needs to stop somewhere! • Appoint a leader to… • Provide a vision • Lead the leadership team • Make decisions • Make relationships with leaders a priority • Make the sacrifices • Spend time in prayer • Set an example for the leadership team

38. BUILDING LEADERSHIP-ASK… • What responsibilities could/should we delegate? • Who has leadership potential? (Desires-Skills-Experience-Vision-Good Attitude) • When can I meet with them?

39. BEGINNING A MINISTRY…PRIMARY LEADERSHIP NEEDED • Hospitality • Follow-up • Music • Discussion leaders • Snacks/Food • Activities • Emcee • Teacher

40. MALES VS. FEMALES • Generally, the older the group, the more important and difficult it is to find male leadership. • ISSUES: • Attracting both genders • Retaining both genders • Egos of men • Perceived authority-men vs. women • Use men in front as much as possible • Organizational ability-men vs. women

41. MARRIED VS. SINGLE • Generally… • The younger the age group, the more accepting people are of married couples in leadership. • The older the age group, the more accepting people are of remarried couples in leadership.

42. MARRIED VS. SINGLE • Leadership should be predominantly single adults. • Experience • Flexibility of time • Understanding of issues • Respect of peers • Example of life, growth, maturity

43. PRINCIPLES OF LEADERSHIP • OWNERSHIP -They must “own” the ministry! -People will support what they help to create! -You don’t need to make all the decisions! • RESPONSIBILITY -Organize the ministry -Give people responsibilities -Trust them with these

44. PRINCIPLES OF LEADERSHIP • AUTHORITY -Give it--Responsibility without authority is PUPPETRY” -Accept it--Receive it humbly -Use it--Don’t run to your authority for every decision -Respect it--Learn your boundaries • ACCOUNTABILITY -Don’t be afraid of it -Everyone needs to be accountable to someone -A system of checks and balances

45. NETWORK WITH OTHER LEADERS! • YOU CAN LEARN FROM OTHERS! • LOOK FOR OTHER GROUPS/LEADERS • YOUR PEOPLE WANT TO MEET OTHER PEOPLE! • YOUR GROUP NEEDS A LARGER VISION!