Social Skills

1. Social Skills A Visual Aide to Instruction Some Material Compiled and edited from Skillstreaming for the Adolescent, 5 Against the Law, NO B.O., and How Rude Created by Chris Preston

2. Teaching Tip Have students and staff role play correct and incorrect demonstrations of the skills. Students in the audience can pick which is correct or incorrect

3. The Top Things People Do that are Offensive or Rude • Use obscene language or crude jokes at inappropriate times • Speak or shout in a loud voice in a private or quiet area • Spit burp and belch • Display too much affection in public • Smoke where it’s prohibited • Pick their noses • Not say “Please” or “Thank You” to sales people, waiters, waitresses, cafeteria workers, etc… • Talk to their parents in a rude or disrespectful way • “You are a jerk” • “Just give me what I want” • “I don’t have to listen to you” • “Leave me alone” • “Don’t talk to me” • “I don’t care” • Make fun of older adults • Sitting in a seat and not offering it to an elderly person or a woman • Litter, spitting on the ground, being messy with your food • Behave inconsiderately towards people with disabilities or elderly people on public transportation • Tease underclassman, small children, elderly, disabled people

4. More Things that are Offensive or Rude • Swear or yell at people passing by • Giving the middle finger • Crowding a sidewalk when you are walking • Playing loud music in crowded, busy or serious places. • Act rowdy during a movie • Push and shove in lines • Let doors slam in other’s faces • Getting in people’s personal space or touching and teasing people • Not respect people’s differences • Engage in conversation or texting with friends when you are suppose to be listening or doing a job • Touch other peoples things • Embarrass or insult others • Make fun of people with disabilities • Not saying please or thank you • Throw their jackets, backpacks or books all over the place • Raiding people’s refrigerator • Using swear words or offensive and racist terms • Question rules in other peoples houses

5. Body Language This person is bored and looks tired This person is relaxed This guy is upset

6. Eye Contact • Eye Contact • Eye contact can be scary. Looking directly into another person's eyes is an intimate, intense experience, even if it's just for a brief moment while walking down the street. Getting comfortable with making eye contact takes practice, but it is a skill worth cultivating. Eye contact can convey many messages. It can assure a friend that you are listening intently, show a colleague that you mean business, tell a stranger that you aware of their presence, encourage a salesperson to give you exceptional service or let someone know you find them attractive. • 1. Believe in your worth. People often fail to make eye contact because they are overcome by an attack of shyness. And people are often overcome by an attack of shyness because they fail to fully absorb the truth of their intrinsic worth. You deserve to look up. You will not appear stupid. You will not be rejected. You are valuable and worthy just as you are in this moment. You are loved and supported in a deep, divine way. • 2. Become aware. Another reason people fail to make eye contact is that they lack a basic awareness of their surroundings. • 3. Sink into the moment. By looking directly at the people you talk to, you ground yourself into the present. As a result, your interactions become more connected and fulfilling. • 4. Start small. Begin by making extended eye contact with loved ones. When you are comfortable, begin to include coworkers and new acquaintances. Eventually you'll be confident enough to stare into the eyes of that beautiful stranger across the room. • 5. Linger longer. Challenge yourself not to move your eyes away until the other person does. • 6. If you get nervous, breath. Sometimes eye contact can be unnerving, but a simple deep breath can do wonders to calm your anxiety. • 7. Keep perspective. Remember, you aren't doing anything life threatening. It's just eye contact! Nothing bad can come of it. • Taken from http://www.ehow.com/how_2316148_make-eye-contact.html

7. Introducing Yourself • Choose the right time and place to introduce yourself • Greet the other person and tell your name • Ask the other person his/her name if you need to then shake their hand (see next slide) • Tell or ask the other person something to start your conversation. Make it general and easy to answer at first. “What do you think about the weather today?” not “Did you know that my dog hates the snow.” • You want them to answer • Example: Hi I am Andrew and your name is? How about this beautiful weather.”

8. Introducing Other People • Name the first person and tell him/her the name of the second person • Name the second person and tell him/her the name of the first person • Say something that helps the two get to know each other • Example: “Hi Elizabeth this is Matt.” “Matt this is Elizabeth. Matt is studying history too.”

9. Volume of Your VoiceYour voice should match the situation you are in. Look at the volume meter and then look at the boxes below. Which numbered box on the meter would you put them in?

10. Handshake • Shaking hands is likely the most important elements to making a good first impression. More than just etiquette, there is a true art to a good handshake. Instruction • Step 1 • Face the person you are to shake hands with, smile at the and keep eye contact • Step in towards the other person. Lean in with your shoulders ever so slightly as you outstretch your hand. You should be close enough that your elbow can remain slightly bent when shaking hands but not so close that you are smothering their air space. • Step 2 • To capture two-way eye contact and cancel out all other distractions (music, other people, etc), try placing your free hand just below their shoulder. This helps to create a more intimate handshake. Not to be used when you are shaking hands with multiple people but you could substitute placing the free hand over the other person's hand which you are shaking for that scenario. • Step 3 • When grasping someone's hand in a handshake, be sure your hand grip is firm but don’t try to crush your hand. Loose handshakes are a HUGE no-no. These show a lack of confidence in yourself. People will pick up on this. You will not be taken seriously, perhaps even dismissed in a crowd. • Step 4 • Shake the person's hand for the duration of your opening remark as well as their return remark and then gently release your grip. Use their name during the remark • Step 5 • If you are gently shaking hands with a child, it's nice to stoop down so that direct eye contact is possible without their having to look upward to your face. • Taken from http://www.ehow.com/how_4455869_shake-hands.html

11. Handshake (for women) • Handshakes • Women are taught a lot of things when they are girls and young ladies, but how to shake hands is often not one of them. Boys and young men shake hands from an early age and fathers pride themselves on their sons' confident handshakes. Now that you're a woman in the professional world, a good handshake speaks volumes about your confidence and professionalism. Follow these steps to shake hands as a business woman. • Instructions • Step 1 • Take one step toward the person you are going to shake hands with and extend your right hand at the same time. Most people are right handed, so, even if you're a lefty, train yourself to shake with your right. • Step 2 • Maintain eye contact. Positive body attitude backs up a good hand shake like nothing else. Confidence is the key to presenting a good hand shake. Maintaining eye contact lets the person you're shaking hands with know that you are sincere and open to speaking with them. • Step 3 • Grasp the other person's hand firmly, but not too firmly. You're not arm wrestling, so don't over do it. On the other hand, nothing screams "YUCK" more than a limp, dead-fish hand shake. Find a good middle ground and you will project the image you're looking for. • Step 4 • Shake hands once or twice up and down firmly and then release the other person's hand. Shaking hands is a physical act. A handshake that lasts too long implies intimacy and one that is too short implies a lack of • Text above taken from www.ehow.com/how_5138139_shake-hands-women.html

12. Personal Space This is TOO CLOSE! People don’t like you in their personal space. You might get hurt if you get Too close.

13. Joining in • Decide if you want to join in the activity others are doing • Decide the best way to join in • Choose the best time to join • Join the activity and say thank you

14. Starting a Conversation • Greet the other person • Make small talk • Small talk is easy topics that won’t offend the person • Small talk can be about the weather, sports, the news, traffic, etc… • Decide if the other person is listening • Bring up the main topic

15. Having a Conversation • Say what you want to say • Ask the other person what he/she thinks • Listen to what the other person says • Say what you think • Wait for a reply • Make a closing remark

16. Ending a Conversation • Excuse yourself from the situation by mentioning that you have to go somewhere, or thank them for talking to you

17. Listening • Look at the person who is talking • Think about what is being said • Wait your turn to talk • Say what you want to say

18. Asking a question • Decide what you’d like to know more about • Decide whom to ask that may be able to answer your question • Think about different ways to ask your question and pick one way • Pick the right time and place to ask your question • Ask your question

19. Asking Permission • Decide what you would like to do for which you need permission • Decide whom you have to ask for permission • Decide how to ask for permission • Pick the right time and place • Ask for permission

20. Asking for Help • Decide what the problem is • Decide if you want help for the problem • Think about different people who might help you and pick one • Tell the person about the problem and ask that person to help you

21. Convincing Others • Decide if you want to convince someone about something • Tell the other person your idea • Ask the other person what he/she thinks about it • Tell why you think your idea is a good one • Ask the other person to think about what you said before making up his/her mind

22. Interacting with Someone You Like You may not get the reaction you want. They may not know you like them. Other people are allowed to like them too. They do not have to talk to you. You are not allowed to touch them or do romantic adult things if you are not sure they like you too and are in a relationship. They are allowed to say no. You have to leave if they do not want you around. Keep appropriate distance. Don’t follow them around.

23. Giving a compliment • Decide what you want to compliment about the other person • Decide how to give the compliment. Say it in a nice tone of voice, don’t be sarcastic or use backhanded compliments. For example: • “That presentation didn’t suck.” • “That wasn’t too bad.” • “You were better than the person before you.” • Choose the right time and place to say it. Don’t say it if they are really busy. • Give the compliment • Example: “You did a great job with your presentation!” This is nice and makes people feel good. It lets them know you appreciate their work. • Warning: There are a few things you cannot compliment. You may think they are pretty and it is okay to say you look nice today. You are not allowed to be graphic. “You have nice legs” is not safe to say even if you really like their legs. Talking about body parts is a form of sexual harassment.

24. Expressing Affection • Decide if you have good feelings about the other person • Decide if the other person would like to know about your feelings • Choose the best way to express your feelings • Express your feelings in friendly way

25. Expressing affection Kiss on cheek “Grandma Kiss” use only with family Fist Bump High Five Don’t do this unless you are married or dating Pat on the shoulder or back Hug

26. Rules for a Party • 1. Show Up: Don’t say you are coming then not go • 2. Be on time: If you are late you may miss important Or fun stuff that was planned. If you are early, they may not be ready and it is awkward. People pick a party time for a reason • 3. Never bring people who were not invited • 4. Dress appropriately: If it is fancy, make sure you look nice. If it is not fancy you don’t want to wear nice clothes and stick out. • 5. Shower and clean yourself before the party, even if it is not fancy • 6. Introduce yourself to people when you walk in the door or the hosts. If it is a friends party, introduce yourself to their parents, husbands, wives, boyfriend or girlfriend. • 7. Don’t eat too much or hog the food • 8. Don’t bring anything illegal • 9. Don’t do anything illegal: If you are drunk or high or bring drugs, or alcohol or tobacco you can get into trouble and the people who are hosting the party will get in trouble too. • 10. Stay with the other people in the party. Do not go snooping around the house and look at private things. • 11. Be happy and nice: If had a bad day, don’t tell people about it. They are there to party. • 12. When the party is over, leave: Do not wait around until they tell you to leave. You do not want to be the last one there. • 13. Say thank you to the person who invited you and hosted the party.

27. Rules for Having a Friend Over • Ask them if they can come over • Talk about what day they can come • Ask them how they will get there • Ask them what time they may have to leave • When they arrive, have activities planned • Make your guest comfortable

28. Saying thank you • Decide if the other person said or did something that you want to thank him/her for • Choose a good time and place to thank the other person • Thank the other person in a friendly way • Tell the other person why you are thanking him/her

29. Dealing with Being Left Out • Decide if you are being left out • Think about why the other people might be leaving you out of something • Decide how you could deal with the problem • Choose the best way and do it

30. Dealing with Contradictory Messages • Decide if someone is telling you two opposite things at the same time • Think of ways to tell the other person that you don’t understand what he/she means • Choose the best way to tell the person and do it

31. Deciding on Something to Do • Decide whether you are feeling bored or dissatisfied with what you are doing • Think of things you have enjoyed doing in the past • Decide which one you might be able to do now • Start the activity

32. Pay Attention to Your Teachers and Bosses This person is texting and not paying attention This person is listening to music and playing on the computer and not paying attention

33. Setting a Goal • Figure out what goal you wan to reach • Find out all the information you can about how to reach your goal • Think about the steps you will need to take to reach your goal • Take the first step toward your goal

34. Deciding on your Abilities • Decide which abilities you might want to use • Think about how you have done in the past when you have tried to use these abilities • Get other people’s opinions about your abilities • Think about what you found out and decided how well you use these abilities

35. Gathering Information • Decide what information you need • Decide how you can get the information • Do things to get the information like look online or in a library, asking parents and grandparents, and professionals

36. Making a Decision • Think about the problem that requires you to make a decision • Think about possible decisions you could make • Gather accurate information about these possible decisions • Reconsider your possible decisions using the information you have gathered • Make the best decision

37. Concentrating on a Task • Decided what your task is • Decide on a time to work on this task • Gather the materials you need • Decide on a place to work • Decide if you are ready to concentrate

38. Rewarding yourself • Decide if you have done something that deserves a reward • Decide what you could say to reward yourself • Decide what you could do to reward yourself • Decide whether or not it is an appropriate or reasonable reward. • Finishing your homework = Taking a break for the rest of the night • Finishing your homework does not mean you can skip school the next day • Reward yourself

39. Giving Instructions • Decide what needs to be done • Think about the different people who could do it and choose one • Ask that person to do what you want done • Ask the other person if he/she understands what to do • Change or repeat your instructions if you need to

40. Following Instructions • Listen carefully while you are being told what to do • Ask questions about anything you don’t understand • Decide if you want to follow the instructions and let the other person know your decision • Repeat the instructions to yourself • Do what you have been asked to do

41. Helping Others • Decide if the other person might need and want your help • Think of the way you could be helpful • Ask the other person if he/she needs and wants your help • Help the other person

42. Negotiating • Decide if you and the other person are having a difference of opinion • Tell the other person what you think about the problem • Ask the other person what he/she thinks about the problem • Listen openly to his/her answer • Think about why the other person might feel this way • Suggest a compromise

43. Sharing Something • Decide if you might like to share some of what you have • Think about how the other person might feel about sharing • Offer to share in a direct and friendly way

44. Being a “Good Sport” • Think about how you did and how the other person did in the game you played • Think of a true compliment you could give the other person about his/her game • Think about his/her reactions to what you might say • Choose the compliment you think is best and say it

45. Write down the number of all the things you can do 1.I can make a snack for myself 2. I can make a meal for myself 3. I can make myself and a friend a snack or meal 4. I can ask for help politely 5. I know my phone number 6. I know my parents phone number 7. I know where I live 8. I know how to tell someone where I live 9. I can clean my room 10. I clean my room without being asked. 11. I know who to talk to if there is an emergency 12. I know how to find what I need for my snacks in the grocery store 13. I can order a pizza and pay for it 14. I can by supplies for my house. 15. I can ask for help if I am lost at school 16. I can make sure I get the correct change after shopping 17. I can follow written directions in simple steps 18. I can wash and dry my clothes 19. I can wash and dry myself 20. I can do the dishes 21. I can use the phone book 22. I can pick up a prescription 23. I can write an email 24. I can call a cab or follow a bus schedule 25. I can make sure I have enough lunch money 26. I can keep track of my homework 27. I know how to be polite 28. I can call the doctor 29. I can take my medicine 30. I can invite a friend over