I Am The Myrrh

1. I Am The Myrrh

2. I Am The Myrrh If you’ve made mistakes If you’re struggling (eyes, boy crazy, lust, funky) If you have questions Know Christ, No Condemnation No Christ? Know He Loves You! It’s OK To Be Innocent! A Four Week Series on: Love, Romance, Sex, Relationships Dating, Courting, and Singleness

3. PG-13 Warning!

4. The groundwork: Do not awaken love before its time • The book, the phrase • Kinds of love • Too late? • Marriage, Courtship vs. Dating, Singleness • The 8 “Hows” • What’s Next

5. “A book of the Bible” Should you read it? NO! 2:7 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right. 3:5 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right. 8:4 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, that you never [again attempt to] awaken love until the time is right.

6. Ask a Neighbor: What is harder, needs practice: • Crushing, gushing, all the romance and stuff, feeling feels, lustful eyes, getting physical Or: • True Godly love, self-sacrificing, deep emotional connection, trusting, tearing down walls, seeing the signs and wisdom Singleness and Courting: practice the hard, the rest will come with marriage

7. Don’t Awaken EMOTIONAL Love “Where you at?” - Misplaced self-value Gushing and Crushing Running In the Street at Night Daydreaming

8. Don’t Awaken MENTAL Love Matt 9:27 “Everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart...If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away...it is better...than that your whole body go into hell.” Psalm 101:3 I will set no worthless thing before my eyes Eyes/Thought Life Dirty talk and jokes Dress and Movement

9. Don’t Awaken Love - SPIRITUAL BATTLE • Next few years truly shape you • Have all the tools to guard heart/body • The more awakened, the more pain/mistakes/regrets • 1 Cor 6:12 ...“I’m allowed to do anything,” BUT “I won’t allow anything to gain control over my life” • Pattern of wickedness/death, or righteousness/life

10. Especially Physical! 1 Cor 6:12 “I am allowed to do anything,” you say. My answer to this is that not all things are good. Even if it is true that “I am allowed to do anything,” I will not let anything control me like a slave ...The body is not for sexual sin. The body is for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body…. ...Surely you know that your bodies are parts of Christ himself. So I must never take what is part of Christ and use it immorally!...

11. Especially Physical! “...So run away from sexual sin. It involves the body in a way that no other sin does. So if you commit sexual sin, you are sinning against your own body. You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit that you received from God and that lives in you. You don’t own yourselves. God paid a very high price to make you his. So honor God with your body.”

12. But What if it’s Too Late? Already “Awakened”?

13. Jesus Says: “No Such Thing” • already messed up, crossed a line • I’m not right with God - guilt, shame • trapped, addicted, can’t leave relationship Truth • Woman caught: “I don’t condemn you either, Go Sin No More” • 8:4 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love any more until the time is right.

14. Do you need healing?

15. Why would God take something that is His and hurt you with it? Hear how he really feels: 8:6 Close your heart to every love but mine; hold no one in your arms but me. Love is as powerful as death; passion is as strong as death itself. It bursts into flame and burns like a raging fire. Water cannot put it out; no flood can drown it. If one were to give all wealth for love, it wouldn’t even come close.

16. Singleness Dating Courtship Marriage

17. SINGLENESS • The gift of singleness - 1 Corinthians 7 • The goals of singleness • Live like you're dying - Spiritual Opportunities • Win the spiritual battle • Do not awaken love • Learn to trust God • The 8 “hows”

18. COURTSHIP • Different from Dating • When it is time (6th How)

20. The Godly version of dating/romance Major difference: “Do not awaken love before it’s time” • Traditional dating is all about awakening love • Courtship is about preparing for marriage

22. MARRIAGE • Marriage is important to God • Made it important to us too

23. Enemy would love to take away marriage! Goodness • Find a good spouse, you find a good life; it shows that the Lord is good to you. (Pro 18:22) • Pro 31 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies • Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life (Ecc 9:9) Deep! “the Creator made them male and female...the two will become one flesh...what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matt 19:4)

24. Marriage is The Goal! A Custom Gift For You: (Gen 2) Marriage Feast - joy of heaven and kingdom “Marriage Like Christ and the Church” Eph 5 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church...so that He might sanctify her...having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

25. Then the Lord God said, “I see that it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make the companion he needs, one just right for him.” ...“Finally! One like me, with bones from my bones and a body from my body.” -Gen 2

26. It’s God’s plan, and it is truly good Teams • Abe and Sarah • Adam and Eve • Noah and wife, sons and wives • Isaac and Rebeka • Mary and Joseph - still needed a marriage for Jesus • Zach and Lizzy

27. MARRIAGE • Marriage is important to God • Made it important to us too • It is work

28. "unmarried is one of the greatest risks that people voluntarily subject themselves to. Having heart disease… reduces a man's life expectancy 6 years, while being unmarried chops almost ten years off a man's life."

29. God Made it, Its is Good • per person net worth +77%, combined wealth +16% per year • 17% less likely to see cancer spread, survive it more • lower risk for heart problems • less depressed, anxious, psychologically distressed, suicide, drug abuse, drinking, problems at work • recent sex: 71% married vs 11% single, more fidelity • more likely to report “extremely satisfying sex life” than are singles or cohabitors. Divorced women worst • lowers the risk of violence, including domestic violence • parent's divorce = -4 yrs. off the adult child's life • 40-olds from divorced homes 3x more death from all causes • Divorced parents see adult kids 40% less

30. What about Living Together? • those who cohabitate are at a higher risk for divorce • cohabiting parents break up more often than married • Children - “enduring deficits of psychosocial wellbeing” • more stressful • Only 50% get married • separation rate five times that of married couples and a reconciliation rate that was one-third • more likely to experience infidelity • more fighting and violence and less reported happiness • earn less money and are less wealthy later in life • higher levels of depression and substance abuse

31. It’s God’s plan, and it is truly good Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a truly excellent woman? One who is superior in all that she is and all that she does? Her worth far exceeds that of rubies and expensive jewelry. She inspires trust, and her husband’s heart is safe with her, and because of her, he has every good thing. Proverbs 31 - What a vision of incredible blessings! Her children rise up and bless her. Her husband, too, joins in the praise, saying: “There are some—indeed many—women who do well in every way, but of all of them only you are truly excellent.” Charm can be deceptive and physical beauty will not last, but a woman who reveres the Eternal should be praised above all others.

32. Culture lies about it a lot Lie: “Men get bored” Truth: It’s God’s plan, and it is truly good, Relationally, Even sexually • Women’s desire grows with age and with trust, intimacy, history • Every time a man might get “bored”, he gets surprised by his wife • Even PUA forums littered with broken hearts, “thought of her with someone…”

33. Marriage Goodness Leadership Depth God’s Love Incredible Blessings

34. Its Work! Teaches about Christ & His people, leadership, relationships Eph 5 - 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ...25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 1 Timothy 3:2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 1 Timothy 3:12 (and Titus 1:6) A deacon must be faithful to his wife and must manage his children and his household well. Matthew 19:8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

36. How • Be a Wall • Be an Apple Tree In A Forest • Be The Myrrh • Build Your House with Beams of Cedar • Catch The Foxes • Look Through The Lattice • Stay With Your Flocks • Be a Little Rose

37. Embracing Single Become an amazing person: • Be The Myrrh • Be a Little Rose • Be an Apple Tree In A Forest Big projects: Get busy NOW: • Stay With Your Flocks • Build Your House with Beams of Cedar • Catch The Foxes If you stay ready, you ain’t gotta get ready: • Be a Wall • Look Through The Lattice

38. Courtship Godly, serving, sacrificing love: • Be The Myrrh • Be a Little Rose • Be an Apple Tree In A Forest Your heart and relationship are ready • Stay With Your Flocks • Catch The Foxes • Be a Wall Wisdom - know each other, timing, God’s will • Look Through The Lattice • Build Your House with Beams of Cedar

40. Be The Myrrh Ch 1 - "My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh resting on my chest" Sounds wonderful to have doesn't it? But what about being the myrrh? A constant pleasantness to someone else

42. Be an Apple Tree in a Forest 2:3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. How is an apple tree different? • Useful • For Others • Purposefully Different

43. Don't marry the person you fall in love with. A fall is an accident, not an act of your will. If you fell once, chances are you will fall again for someone else. A great marriage is never an accident, it's a covenantal choice that two people make with each other for life. It's only in the soil of this garden that true love can take root...Kris Vallotton

44. Be an Apple Tree In A Forest Be The Myrrh Be someone who will accept nothing less than God’s covenant Smells sweet to the Right person

45. Remember your covenant: Are you looking for myrrh/apples, or trying to be myrrh/apples?

47. Be a Little Rose 2 :1 [She said] I am only a little rose or autumn crocus of the plain of Sharon, or a [humble] lily of the valleys Remove Entitlement Remove Jealousy Stay Humble

48. Are your expectations humble and grateful?

50. Build Your House with Beams of Cedar 1:17 "The beams of our house are cedars, our rafters & panels are cypresses or pines." The other person is not the only focus • 10-X rule: Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness • Your brain will continue to grow till you are 21-25 He has something prepared for her • That takes time They have built something • Something strong and real