Louis

1. Louis • Fighting games • “When you are playing fighting games with friends, please learn how to play properly. Repeatedly pressing the ‘A’ button is not fun. It’s down-forward-A you R-tard*.”

2. Chad • Foreign Aid • “In 2006 Americans spent $13.2 billion on plastic surgery. Well America already looks as good as it can get. Instead, let’s spend that money on the needy. Starving children in Africa need Botox injections too.”

3. Peter • Working out • “It can be dangerous to lift more weight than you can handle during a workout. But if there’s a really hot girl nearby and you can impress her, isn’t it worth it?

4. Sam/Cory • Kwanzaa “This upcoming holiday season everyone is excited for Christmas or Chanukah. But we are all forgetting about another special holiday this time of year: Kwanzaa. Kwanzaa is a day where…umm…*moment of silence* what is Kwanzaa all about?”

5. Chad • Lump of coal • “A lump of coal is probably the best thing you could get for Christmas. When it’s -20 out, I use it to heat my home or cook some food. Come to think about it, coal burns dirty. For Christmas, I would like a tank of propane.” *sam wearing a santa hat: Happy holidays from afx productions!*

6. David/Alex • Resolutions • Another year is upon us. This New Years try making some resolutions that matter. No one wants to hear about you losing weight or quitting smoking. Be original. Like “I will find a cure for cancer” or “I will end world famine”. Better yet, “I will throw garbage at Justin Beiber”. Y’know, make a difference in the world. *chuckles* Like you were actually going to give up smoking!” *Happy New Years from afx productions.*

7. David • Sliced bread • “Sliced bread is a luxury. Not too long ago, people in less fortunate countries made their own bread. Not just any type of bread, flat bread; which didn’t need slicing. And the greatest thing before sliced bread? WRAPS! They’re still good today. Check out my peanut butter and jelly wrap.” *takes a bite of a wrap with peanut butter and stuff dripping out*

8. Jerry • Master key • “Women say it's a double standard how when a man sleeps with a lot of women he’s a ‘player’ and if a woman sleeps with a lot of men she’s a ‘slut’. Well that is absurd. If a key can open many locks then it’s a ‘master key’ and if a lock can be opened by many keys then well, its a crappy lock. I probably shouldn't have told my girlfriend that. She kicked me out of my own house. And changed the locks.”

9. Jennifer • Forgiveness • “Don’t buy flowers for your partner when asking for forgiveness. Like photos, flowers fade. But the memory of your screw up remains. Instead, get her diamonds. Diamonds are a girls best friend. Diamonds are forever. Are you listening, Jerry?

10. Louis • Karma • “Yesterday I lost my (car) keys. It was a long night so I retraced my steps. I searched the restaurant, the bar, then I came to the bank where I used the ATM. My keys were on the counter with a message written on a blank envelope saying “you lost your keys.” Then I remembered earlier that day I had pulled over to help a lady change her flat tire. Karma comes in an envelope. Pay it forward.”

11. Religion • No one is present. • Sam’s bubble sees no one in the room. He says “what? I’m not saying anything.”

12. Sam • UFC • “There’s something about a sport where men hold each other in all those awkward positions while wearing nothing but their underwear that seems kind of gay. Wait a sec what am I saying – it’s only gay if you make eye contact.” *looks nervous, shifts eyes around*

13. Alex • Cinnamon • “I’ve been told that it’s impossible to swallow a teaspoon of cinnamon. It’s just a bit of cinnamon, so what’s the big deal? I put cinnamon on my grande non-fat soy latte every morning. How hard can it be?” *Cut to clip of cinnamon challenge.*

14. David • Multitasking • “If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one.” ~Russian Proverb”“No one can truly multitask since our eyes can only focus on one thing at a time. I tried doing my taxes while reading playboy at the same time…and I ended up mailing in Miss October. They’re probably auditing her as we speak.”

15. Any woman • Hats • “You may feel nice wearing your new expensive baseball cap everywhere you go, but please, take the sticker off. No one wants to know how small your head is.”

16. Peter • Rochambeau“It’s always a good idea to wear a cup to any social outing. You never know when you might find yourself in a game of Rochambeau with a friend over the cute girl sitting at the bar and you might not always get the first kick. Wing tips also help.”

17. Misc. Asian Female. Perhaps Alex’s sister or one of those hot Asian girls at OISE that Alex is talking about. • Yellow Fever“Wong Fu’s ‘Yellow Fever’ is giving us Asian girls a bad rap. Sure there are a lot of Asian girls dating white guys, but it’s not about race. I like Asian guys just as much as the next girl. We just like to have something to run our hands through, and I can’t run my hands through that short spiky gel riddled hair.”

18. Alex • A Revelation • “There’s usually a golden rule wherever you go. Some call it common courtesy and it’s irritating when other people don’t follow suit. Not obeying it can cause the universe to collapse. This idea changed my life, and it will change yours. Walk left, stand right.”

19. Jerry • Doors • “As you’re walking towards a door, please determine which way the door opens before you get there. Nothing’s more embarrassing than trying to pull open a door that has a big push sign on it. I once saw a guy try to pull a revolving door around. Classy…”

20. Jennifer • Déjà vu • Ever had that feeling that you’ve done something or seen someone before? One time I was having this deep and profound discussion and out of nowhere, some creepy brown guy starts hitting on me. *sam’s “that’s deep”* Wait a minute, that’s him! That’s the guy! Got lost perv. *she storms off. Sam does the creepy grin/eyebrow thing*