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Climate Change

Climate Change. What would you leave behind when you’re no longer there?. Climate Change. Change is not the only constant. Human stupidity is also continual. We say we’ll save the planet, but the two highest greenhouse gas producers don’t even a gree to try.

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Climate Change

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  1. Climate Change What would you leave behind when you’re no longer there?

  2. Climate Change • Change is not the only constant. Human stupidity is also continual. We say we’ll save the planet, but the two highest greenhouse gas producers don’t even agree to try. • Life is like journalism: often the most interesting things are the worst. Global warming is one of the most disputed topics in the World Newspaper. • There are more frightening things than the utter destruction of the earth. Just give me an hour to think of some.

  3. Ingredients: • 3 cups Assorted Greenhouse Gases • 1 cup Human Insistence • 2 teaspoons Essence of Al Gore • 1 to 4 cups Random Congressmen • Recipe Stir all ingredients in a large blue and green bowl. Throw out the window before it blows up. A Recipe for Climate Change By Expert Chef Kim Heeley

  4. Ten Ways To Make It Better

  5. One: Stop Existing Problem: Any person who still exists by 2011 will contribute greatly to global warming and climate change. Solution: Everybody should stuff themselves so much on Christmas turkey that they explode, therefore eliminating any more threats to the then extinct humankind.

  6. Two: Make A Movie Problem: No one gives a damn. Solution: Make a movie! It is scientifically proven that movies engage peoples conscious and brainwash them to do my bidding, mwahaha. Well, sort of. At any rate, movies are one of the worlds most effective forms of notification and subtle brainwashing.

  7. Three: The Kyoto Treaty Problem: Out of the 130-odd countries in the world, 2 of the highest greenhouse gas emitters don’t agree to help save the planet. 132 countries have ratified the Kyoto Treaty. This pact agrees to lower the country’s greenhouse gas emissions. Both Australia and USA have not signed it. Solution: Hold them up at gun point and force them to sign it.

  8. Four: Raise Awareness Problem: While almost everyone knows about climate change, very few people give a thought to the consequences. Floods, hurricanes, El Nino, El Nina, drought, earthquakes. All of them happen almost constantly and still no one thinks about it. Solution: See point two.

  9. Five: ACT NOW! Problem: Humans procrastinate. It’s a basic human trait. We have to act now. Not tomorrow. Not when the roof’s fixed. Not when we can afford it. Now. Unfortunately, there’s only one letter difference between “not” and “now”, resulting in many accidental typos which end up causing more confusion than change. Solution: Deduct taxes based on how “green” your home is. It’s surprising how well this works.

  10. Six: Stop Using Fossil Fuels Problem: We’re emitting tons of gases annually because we insist on using fossil fuels. Do you know, it takes less than 3 days to set up a wind turbine? And it emits no carbon, provides a vast amount of continual energy, and is cheap. So why, why?, do we insist on using fossil fuels? Beats me. Solution: USE ALTERNATE FUEL SOURCES!

  11. Seven: Stop Sea Levels Rising Problem: Sea levels are rising. If Greenland (hah!) melted into the ocean, sea levels would rise by approximately 20’, or 7m. This would be enough to force 40 million people to evacuate: and that just in Shanghai and the surrounding regions. Another 20 million would have to flee Beijing. And that’s just in China. Solution: What do you think? Stop global warming! X()

  12. Eight: Lower Your Contribution Problem: Here’s the figures. • 30.3% of emissions come from USA • 27.7% from Europe • 13.7% from Russia • 12.2% from South-East Asia, India and China • And 3.8% from South and Central America Creepy? It should be. Solution: LOWER YOUR EMISSIONS, DUM DUM.

  13. Nine: Hybrids I have some authority on this topic: my family has a hybrid. While it isn’t the fastest or most maneuverable car ever, it’s quite reasonable. You see, the half the energy generated to make the car run is lost. Hybrid cars store that energy in a battery. This doubles the fuel effectiveness. If all cars were hybrids, imagine the energy saved! It really would make a difference!

  14. Ten: Try. Really. This isn’t difficult. Switch off lights when your not using them. Get efficient and long lasting stuff, like decent toasters. Watch your electricity usage. DON’T leave stuff on stand by, you know how pointless that is. Use public transport. Or walk, scoot or cycle. I mean, come on. It’s not hard. And now, for the cliché of the month, you can make a difference. Go green. Or at least turquoise.

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