How to Calm Your Anger

1. How to Calm Your Anger Adapted from When Chicken Soup Isn’t Enough, by Bradley P. Barris (Scroll down to move through the presentation.)

2. Imagine an event where you reacted with anger. Did the event itself cause your anger? ANGER

3. Imagine an event where you reacted with anger. Would 100 different people in the same situation all react with anger? ANGER

4. Imagine an event where you reacted with anger. If not, it can’t be a cause and effect relationship. ANGER

5. Imagine an event where you reacted with anger. Something else must be occurring between the event and your anger. ANGER

6. Event What did you say to yourself in response to the event? ANGER

7. Event He / She should / shouldn’t have . . . ! Did you use a rule word, such as should? ANGER

8. Event He / She should / shouldn’t have . . . ! Using rule words is like pouring gasoline on a fire. ANGER

9. Event He / She should / shouldn’t have . . . ! It increases the intensity of emotion in response to an event. ANGER

10. Event He / She should / shouldn’t have . . . ! Some other rule words are ought, have to, andmust. ANGER

11. Event He / She should / shouldn’t have . . . ! To calm your anger, try replacing your rule words with preference words. ANGER

12. Event For example: I’d rather. . . I’d prefer. . . It would be nice. . . ANGER

13. Event It would be nice if he / she . . . , but I don’t have control over that. ANGER

14. Event It would be nice if he / she . . . , but I don’t have control over that. Preference words cool your anger. . . ANGER

15. Event It would be nice if he / she . . . , but I don’t have control over that. . . .and replace it with irritation. . . ANGER IRRITATION

16. Event . . .which is much more manageable than anger. IRRITATION

17. Summary So. . . The next time you feel angry, Change your rule word to a preference, And replace your anger with IRRITATION.