“Getting Married”

1. “Getting Married” Work and the Family

2. Why Do People Marry?* • The Need for Intimacy • In past societies, intimacy was separate from marriage • In modern times, intimacy is a primary goal of marriage • Social Expectations • All societies have heterosexual marriage as an institution • Marriage is functional (reduces conflict, perpetuates the group) and thus individuals who do not marry threaten the group *unless otherwise noted, this information comes from: Lauer, Robert H. and Jeanette C. Lauer. 2007. Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy. New York: McGraw-Hill

3. Why Do People Marry? • Social Ideals and Personal Fulfillment • Through socialization we develop a sense that marriage is the way to fulfill some of your basic needs and attain happiness • Desire for Children • The task of raising children is easier when married • Practical Solution • Getting away from an undesirable home situation • Economic assistance • Loneliness

4. For Men For Women

5. 7 Types of Marriage* • Devitalized – dissatisfied in their relationship • Financially Focused – Agree on how to manage money, stay together for this reason • Conflicted – Agree on some things (communication), but not others (parenting of children) • Balanced – Satisfied on most dimensions, but money issues are often a problem *Lavee, Y., and D.H. Olson. 1993. “Seven Types of Marriage.” Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. 19: 325 – 340.

6. 7 Types of Marriage* • Harmonious – Great satisfaction with each other, but parenting is often a problem • Traditional – mostly satisfied, but can be dissatisfied with communication or sexual relationship • Vitalized – Highly satisfied on all dimensions. *Lavee, Y., and D.H. Olson. 1993. “Seven Types of Marriage.” Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. 19: 325 – 340.

7. Adjusting to Marriage • Some marriages begin with disadvantages • Teen marriages – lack of income and maturity • Student marriages – students are stressed and preoccupied with school that the marriage suffers • Couples that are not homogamous – learning the norms, values, and beliefs of a different class, culture causes strain

8. Adjusting to Marriage • Handling the decline of many activities after marriage: • Approving/complimenting a partner • Making partner laugh • Telling partner “I love you” • Taking initiative in sex • Doing something nice for partner • Having sexual relations • Discussing feelings and problems • Talking over things that happened during the day

9. Lichter and Qian: “Marriage and Family in a Multi-Racial Society” • This reading discusses recent changes in marriage and family composition • Provides some explanation for these changes • Discusses the uniqueness of the black family

10. Lichter and Qian: “Marriage and Family in a Multi-Racial Society” Recent changes in marriage and family composition • Decline in the traditional family • Delays in marriage • More single parent families • Rise in people living alone • People are cohabitating more

11. Lichter and Qian: “Marriage and Family in a Multi-Racial Society” Why do we have these changes? • Changes in the incentives for marriage (mainly for women) • Changes in sexual attitudes

12. Lichter and Qian: “Marriage and Family in a Multi-Racial Society” The Uniqueness of the Black Family • 70% of black children are born to parents out of wedlock • Most black women who marry end up divorcing • One reason is the suggestion that black women have been more economically independent and black men have found it hard to get work • Some argue that it must be culture (by comparing to Mexican-American families)

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