Common Writing Mistakes April 25, 2012

1. Common Writing MistakesApril 25, 2012 “Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words and a paragraph no unnecessary sentencesfor the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subject only in outline, but that every word tell.” Strunk and White, Elements of Style, 2012.

2. Clear Thinking Leads to Clear Writing • If you don’t know what you want to say, you will not express it clearly. • Your writing will be diffuse. • Worse, your writing will confuse. • When you’re NOT clear, write about your topic to figure out what you don’tknow/understand and where the logical gaps are. • Make notes, then rearrange them into a logical sequence. • Thank goodness for computers…

3. Example of Confused Writing • Example: A device is the medium used to deliver content to you. The content of an iBot can be delivered on a variety of devices, including plain text or HTML email, mobile phone, pager, and PDA. (2nd sentence mixes devices and content and confuses which is which.) • Suggested rewrite: A device is the medium used to deliver content. A device can be a mobile phone, pager, or PDA. Content can be in the form of plain text or HTML email.

4. Common Writing Mistakes (Cont.) • Lack of context to set the stage. • Keep all general information in the beginning. • Then go into increasing levels of detail depending on the audience. • Paragraphs that contain too many or unrelated ideas. • Think about paragraph breaks to separate ideas. • Too much or irrelevant detail. • Redundancy, esp. in words. • true facts, free gift, rain shower

5. Example: Keep General Comments (Context) Clustered in Beginning; then Move to Details Transistors are an integral part of modern computational electronics. [Suggest blue insert here because it relates to context] Transistors are composed of a semiconductor base with majority and minority carriers, an insulator, and a metal contact. The properties of the semiconductor determine the transistor’s type. For a p-type transistor to work properly, flow must occur only in the n-type source and drain. Millions of transistors make up today’s advanced electronics, implementing the 1’s and 0’s of computer binary code. They are connected in very specific patterns to operate these electronics. These transistors are carefully designed and manufactured to optimize speed, size, and power. For millions transistors to fit into the devices, they must be small and portable. Nowadays they can be scaled down to mere microns, but this sizing has reached its limit; if the transistors were any smaller, they would dissipate enough power to damage the device they operate. Scaling down the dimensions also reduces the delay time, but the increased power dissipation would cause the device to overheat.

6. Common Writing Mistakes (Cont.) • Unnecessary words. • Esp. when you’ve used those words in previous sentences – no need to repeat them • This is a common problem with modifiers (e.g., high-intensity, especially powerful) when those words have appeared in previous sentences. Use the full phrase once, then follow with just the noun. The same noun will make the correlation clear. • Example: Thinking closely, if there is any particular my topic that interests me, it would be is nanotechnology. In the recent decades or two, the size of the computer chip is getting smaller and smaller, leading to more processing power and better efficiency.

7. Common Writing Mistakes (Cont.) • Vague or general words (“better”). • Incorrect words. • Example: In the U.S., 75% of the nation’s $2.4-trillion dollars spent on health care is attributed to chronic conditions (should be attributable). • Passive voice (use first [I/we] or third person [you] to avoid it). • Active voice is important to establish relationships between things and people, which is important to clarity in the scientific method.

8. Common Writing Mistakes (Cont.) • Illogical construction (e.g., stream of consciousness). • But you can use this to get your thoughts down before editing! • Unnecessarily complicated sentence structure (when subject – verb – object will serve). • If the sentence is very long, you may have this problem or combining ideas that belong in separate sentences. • Incorrect emphasis. • Remember to place the phrase you want to emphasize at the end of the sentence. • Example: She concluded that nonprofits can be a tool for social change if organized correctly. • Suggest rewriting: She concluded that nonprofits, if organized correctly, can be a tool for social change. • Example: Everything from molecules to space shuttles is highly analyzed  for stress nowadays. • Suggest rewriting: Nowadays everything from molecules to space shuttles is highly analyzed  for stress.

9. Common Writing Mistakes (Cont.) • Use of a complicated word (when a simpler one will serve). • Use of a complicated verb. • Try to use infinitival form (e.g., to create). • Example: Consumers are willing to use other methods of accessing health care outside of the doctor’s office. (should be to access) • Verbs turned into nouns. • Noun strings (esp. –tion words, i.e., verbs turned into nouns, like verify -> verifica –tion) • Unclear relationships (see passive voice). • Lack of transitions between thoughts (e.g., but, and, however, moreover, therefore).

10. Common Writing Mistakes (Cont.) • Faulty grammar/referents (e.g., it/they/that issues when it’s not clear who it/they/that refer to).

11. Referents: Can Be a Problem within a Sentence and between Sentences • They give a really bright color when you shine a light on it. • What does “it” refer to? I think it’s the nanoparticles mentioned in a previous sentence. • Note also plural/singular mismatch. • Suggested edit: When you shine light on such particles, they give off a really bright color.   • Here the referent is clear: “They” refers to “such particles.” • Also note my change in logical progression: You have to shine the light before the color is produced.

12. Common Writing Mistakes (Cont.) • Repeating words. • The performing provider's National Provider Identifier • Common word confusions (Style and Ethics, pp. 27-28). • Effect vs. affect • Precede vs. proceed • Principle vs. principal • Between vs. among • Use of multiple terms to refer to one thing (creates confusion). • Use of meaningless modifiers. • Avoid the use of “very,” “pretty,” currently.”

13. Common Writing Mistakes (Cont.) • Clichés and tired phrases: Think about different ways to bring your research home in concrete applications areas. Common clichés: • Blue Ribbon Panel • The size of something compared to a pinhead • The distance from the earth to the moon • Second to none • Sexist language  neutral constructions. • Incorrect people and institutional names (example from before: SIO, Calit2).

14. Let’s Edit This Writing Example Together • Then please complete the edit and send to me by Wednesday, May 2