CONFLICT RESOLUTION

1. CONFLICT RESOLUTION Strengthening Relationships When I was asked to create a presentation on conflict resolution I reached out to Central Lakes College in Brainerd, Minnesota’s trainer Jean Merchand – I wanted to begin this session by publically recognizing that some of the material I am using is from her trainings, and I appreciate her sharing them with us.When I was asked to create a presentation on conflict resolution I reached out to Central Lakes College in Brainerd, Minnesota’s trainer Jean Merchand – I wanted to begin this session by publically recognizing that some of the material I am using is from her trainings, and I appreciate her sharing them with us.

2. A sign of progress Relative health So what is conflict resolution? So what is conflict resolution or conflict management? Gandhi explained it as “Honest disagreement is often a sign of progress” Abraham Maslow explained it as “Conflict itself is, of course, a sign of relative health as you would know if you ever met really apathetic people, really hopeless people, people who have given up hoping and striving and coping!” So what is conflict resolution or conflict management? Gandhi explained it as “Honest disagreement is often a sign of progress” Abraham Maslow explained it as “Conflict itself is, of course, a sign of relative health as you would know if you ever met really apathetic people, really hopeless people, people who have given up hoping and striving and coping!”

3. Conflict is inevitable Can be positive or negative Constructive or destructive When coming to understanding can be; Productive Interpersonal Relationships can be enhanced ASSUMPTIONS I want to quickly review the assumptions, benefits and guiding principles on conflict management and then we will each find our own conflict management style.I want to quickly review the assumptions, benefits and guiding principles on conflict management and then we will each find our own conflict management style.

4. Acts as catalyst for changes or innovation Brings to surface and clarifies issues and goals Improves problem-solving quality Increases involvement Initiates growth Strengthens relationships Increases productivity BENEFITS Read benefits of conflict resolutionRead benefits of conflict resolution

5. Preserve dignity and self-respect Listen with empathy Don’t expect to change other’s behavior Express your independent perspective GUIDING PRINCIPLES Read the guiding principles of conflict resolution ~ conclude with; “Remember that its better to praise in public and criticize in private” so when trying to use conflict resolution to resolve a problem this same principle will apply – you are debating an issue not a person, sometimes this is hard to remember but its critical to the processRead the guiding principles of conflict resolution ~ conclude with; “Remember that its better to praise in public and criticize in private” so when trying to use conflict resolution to resolve a problem this same principle will apply – you are debating an issue not a person, sometimes this is hard to remember but its critical to the process

6. Myers-Briggs Type and Conflict Extraverts ~ Introverts Sensors ~ Intuitives Thinkers ~ Feelers Judgers ~ Perceivers Conflict Management One model to use for Conflict Management is Myers-Briggs Because of our time restraints today we are not going to review these but I have included information on these in your packets. If you don’t know your personality type you may wish to find out and purchase the book “True to Type” which is full of information on how to communicate with personalities that differ from your own. (GIVE EXAMPLE: Use Nancy and myself and some material from the book)One model to use for Conflict Management is Myers-Briggs Because of our time restraints today we are not going to review these but I have included information on these in your packets. If you don’t know your personality type you may wish to find out and purchase the book “True to Type” which is full of information on how to communicate with personalities that differ from your own. (GIVE EXAMPLE: Use Nancy and myself and some material from the book)

7. PROACTIVE RESPONSE TO ANGER DANCE THE DAISY (8 components of a temper tantrum) Sarcasm Profanity Altered Voice Altered Facial Expressions Name Calling Exaggerating Asking Loaded Questions Physically Acting Out Anger Often conflict results in Anger; - An emotional state of blaming - The secondary emotion to fear or hurt that you may be feeling - Self doubt - No one MAKES YOU angry – anger turned inward becomes depression, depression untreated becomes bitterness Proactive Responses to Anger are; Listen – don’t interrupt – don’t begin a mental argument – paraphrase the content and the feeling – agree to the portion of the argument you can agree to – explore what the other person wants or would have wanted. How many times when you are angry have you danced the daisy? The Daisy Dance has no place in constructive conflict resolution Often conflict results in Anger; - An emotional state of blaming - The secondary emotion to fear or hurt that you may be feeling - Self doubt - No one MAKES YOU angry – anger turned inward becomes depression, depression untreated becomes bitterness Proactive Responses to Anger are; Listen – don’t interrupt – don’t begin a mental argument – paraphrase the content and the feeling – agree to the portion of the argument you can agree to – explore what the other person wants or would have wanted. How many times when you are angry have you danced the daisy? The Daisy Dance has no place in constructive conflict resolution

8. Competing Collaborating Avoiding Accommodating Compromising “What is your style?” Conflict Management Style Today we are going to use a quick exercise that shows us our own personal conflict management style. No style is right or wrong, none is better than the other. They are simply tools to use to help us manage conflict with others. (COMPLETE THE EXERCISE; What is your Conflict Management Style?) Don’t go on until everyone is finished Now that you know your style think about this as we go into our interactive exercises.Today we are going to use a quick exercise that shows us our own personal conflict management style. No style is right or wrong, none is better than the other. They are simply tools to use to help us manage conflict with others. (COMPLETE THE EXERCISE; What is your Conflict Management Style?) Don’t go on until everyone is finished Now that you know your style think about this as we go into our interactive exercises.

9. A unilateral decision to maintain the status quo by avoiding or deferring action of differing views. Common Sayings: “Leave well enough alone” Don’t Rock to Boat” MAINTENANCE Firm/Impersonal I am quickly going to go over some styles of conflict management so you are familiar with them when you begin working with each other. An example of when you would use a maintenance conflict model would be when you need time to build support, collect information, deal with higher priority issues, or simply need a cooling-off period. I am quickly going to go over some styles of conflict management so you are familiar with them when you begin working with each other. An example of when you would use a maintenance conflict model would be when you need time to build support, collect information, deal with higher priority issues, or simply need a cooling-off period.

10. Selling your views by accentuating benefits and glossing over, omitting or playing down alternative possibilities. Common Sayings; “Accentuate the Positive” Grease the Skids” “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him” SMOOTHING Firm/Moderately Personal You would use smoothing when you are clear about your viewpoint but don’t have the time for a full scale discussion or when you lack the authority for compliance.You would use smoothing when you are clear about your viewpoint but don’t have the time for a full scale discussion or when you lack the authority for compliance.

11. Dominance is used when unpopular decisions have to be enforced. Common Sayings: “Just Do It!” “Father Knows Best” “Because I said so” DOMINANCE Firm/Personal Dominance is used when speed or confidentiality are important, or when you believe others involved have little to offer that would change your mind. It may be used in a crisis situation or when the relationship is not important.Dominance is used when speed or confidentiality are important, or when you believe others involved have little to offer that would change your mind. It may be used in a crisis situation or when the relationship is not important.

12. A joint agreement to use as an objective rule or external criterion such as a coin toss, voting or lottery for deciding among competing views. Common sayings; “Let’s be fair” “Play by the rules” DECISION RULE  Moderately Firm/Impersonal Decision rule is used then being fair and impartial is more important than the specific outcome of a disagreement. Decision rule is used then being fair and impartial is more important than the specific outcome of a disagreement.

13. A joint determination to follow separate paths without animosity. Common sayings; “You take the high road, and I’ll take the low road” “Let’s agree to disagree” COEXISTENCE  Moderately Firm/Moderately Personal Coexistence is used when parties are over-emotional and need a cooling off periodCoexistence is used when parties are over-emotional and need a cooling off period

14. Jointly seeking to exchange something one party wants for something the other party wants through offers and counter-offers. Common sayings; “Half a loaf is better than none” BARGAINING/COMPROMISING Moderately Firm/Personal Bargaining and compromising are used when both parties need to be winners or when the situation is stalemated or deadlocked and you need to avoid a win/lost outcome.Bargaining and compromising are used when both parties need to be winners or when the situation is stalemated or deadlocked and you need to avoid a win/lost outcome.

15. Even though you disagree with the other person’s views, you unilaterally decide to offer no resistance, and you support a commitment to implement a required action. Common sayings; “Bend with the Breeze” “Don’t win the battle and lose the war” NON-RESISTANCE/ACCOMODATING Flexible/Impersonal Non Resistance/Accomodating is used when the relationship is more important than the issue and you want to maintain harmony.Non Resistance/Accomodating is used when the relationship is more important than the issue and you want to maintain harmony.

16. Even though you disagree with the other person’s views, you unilaterally decide to support and encourage the person’s initiative within stipulated limits or conditions. Common sayings; “Time to try your wings and fly” “I may not agree with your ideas but I will support your decision: SUPPORTIVE RELEASE Flexible/Moderately Personal Supportive release is used when you really can’t do anything about the situation and decide not to waste the energy worrying about it.Supportive release is used when you really can’t do anything about the situation and decide not to waste the energy worrying about it.

17. A joint exploration aimed at developing win/win results. Common sayings; “Let us reason together” “Two heads are better than one” “We can find a win/win in the situation COLLABORATION Flexible/Personal Collaboration is used when you can commit the time and energy to do creative problem solving, seeking the best solution from all possible alternatives.Collaboration is used when you can commit the time and energy to do creative problem solving, seeking the best solution from all possible alternatives.

18. RESULTS: Shared understanding Identifying shared idea or concept “CONFLICT” Conflict Resolution Exercise Each of you need to take out a paper and pen and write down 4 words that would define “conflict” There are no right or wrong answers – just jot down for words that explain your idea of what conflict is. Each of you need to take out a paper and pen and write down 4 words that would define “conflict” There are no right or wrong answers – just jot down for words that explain your idea of what conflict is.

19. Observations Insights Feelings What if anything did you learn? RESULTS Give each group a flip-chart paper to write down their eight wordsGive each group a flip-chart paper to write down their eight words

20. Decision making Passive or dominant personalities? Listening? Was the result teamwork? Groupings

21. Clarify the issue Address the problem Listen and then share …. Manage your way to resolution CALM In the H.R. Field one of my favorite conflict resolution models was CALM – (Read above)In the H.R. Field one of my favorite conflict resolution models was CALM – (Read above)

22. CLARIFY THE ISSUE What am I upset about? How do I fit in the conflict? What is my part of the conflict? CLARIFY THE ISSUE

23. Plan your strategy, your contingency response Talk face to face Opening the conversation is critical – no blame Describe the issue Address the problem

24. Describe the issue How it makes you feel What are the negative effects Show appreciation if you resolve the issue Listen and then share …

25. Agree on a course of action Identify needs and concerns Identify solutions Lock in on the agreement Close on a positive note Manage your way to Resolution Divide in groups of 4 use page 17 of your handout to pick a problem and use this model to resolve it. Why not use something that is happening in your Unit or with one of your members …. Choose between the four of you what the problem is, select a scribe, and select someone to share your responses to the handoutDivide in groups of 4 use page 17 of your handout to pick a problem and use this model to resolve it. Why not use something that is happening in your Unit or with one of your members …. Choose between the four of you what the problem is, select a scribe, and select someone to share your responses to the handout

26. Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding. — Albert Einstein Only reverence can restrain violence — reverence for human life and the environment. — Rev. William SloanCoffin, Jr. Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. — Helen Keller There are three truths: my truth, your truth and the truth. — Chinese Proverb

27. Don’t ever let them pull you down so low as to hate them.— Booker T. Washington If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language,that goes to his heart. — Nelson Mandela Gandhi once declared that it was his wife who unwittingly taught him the effectiveness of nonviolence. Whobetter than women should know that battles can be won without resort to physical strength? — BarbaraDeming