Quiet Leadership

1. Quiet Leadership Coaching for Personal & Political Transformation

2. Agenda for Today: Quiet Leadership 101 • Today is just an introduction • For detail see handouts, book, & training webinars • Take notes on insights • Make your own connections to your life, mind • Remember: this will take time, practice, & attention to learn deeply/hardwire • What is it? & Why does it matter? • 6 steps • Practice • Demonstration, Practice again • Next steps

3. What is Quiet Leadership?

4. What is Quiet Leadership? • Quiet Leadership is a book and coaching style coined by David Rock. • It helps people think and make new mental connections for themselves about their solutions without telling them what to do or how to think • It’s a respectful coaching style based on the science of the brain and how people tend to work

5. Why should RESULTS leaders be Quiet Leaders?

6. Why should RESULTS leaders be Quiet Leaders? • People still need to make their own connections with anything you tell them • You’ll never guess the right answer anyway • People are energized by new connections • It’s less effort • It’s faster

7. How the Brain Works Our brain is a connection machine - a million new connections a second - very complex. Mental “maps” = links between information - memories, skills, etc. When we process new ideas, we create a map and compare the map to existing maps. We create new maps if we find a place for the new info.

8. No two brains are alike Possible connections in the brain = larger number than Atoms in the universe. We can’t make connections for people We can’t do the thinking for people.

9. Advice is not usually truly useful. Exercise station: Tally how often you get advice in a week, and tally how often it’s useful.

10. From Working Memory to Hardwiring Our brains like tohardwire tasks (million $ computer) so we can free up limitedworking memory (10 cent computer) but that’s hard, especially at first, when you’re creating a new map Ie: Misty in Zumba

11. Anatomy of an AHA! Moment AHA moments are when previously unconnected become connected. Eureka! = insights. New map = motivated to do something. Pinpoint the moment it occurs = Breakthrough. When thinking through a situation, we need to create a new map in our brain. New maps require energy (and an be frustrating) BUT new map creation literally releases energy!

12. 1. To take any kind of committed action, people need to think things through for themselves. Summary on how the brain works 2. People experience a degree of inertia around thinking for themselves due to the energy required. 3. The act of having an aha moment gives off the kind of energy needed for people to become motivated and willing to take action. Our job as leaders should be to try to help people make new connections for themselves.

13. Why should we practice?

15. Six Steps to Transforming Performance

16. 6 steps are NOT linear process • Like building a house – • Parts are interesting, but when separate elements come together, that’s when they’re useful. • Like playing an instrument – • Read music, hold your hands, rhythm and combine. • Early steps make more sense when see how they fit together.

17. 1. Think about Thinking. • Stay out of the details • Let them do the thinking • Solutions-focused • Accentuate the positive • Stretching their thinking • Process before content

18. Quiet Leaders ask questions to help the other person think “How can I best help you think this through?”   “When you say _____, which part would you want to discuss?” “How much has this been on your mind?”  “Do you know what to do next and just need a sounding board or are you really stuck?” “How can I best help you think about this?”

19. We have a choice in our mental frame, and we can always “reframe.”

20. Positive feedback allows our neurons to focus where we need it most • Inner voice can stifle performance. • FORMULA: performance (p) = Potential (P) - interference (i) • Neurons have limits to amount of electrical signals they can process, so they can go into overload easily. • Anxiety means our neurons are flooded with signals, so we can’t process what’s going on in the moment. We stop hearing and seeing what’s around us.

21. Appreciation: I really appreciate you getting that meeting quickly. Validation:I can see you put a lot of effort into that. Kinds of positive feedback Recognition: It’s clear you’re a talented writer. Affirmation: I think you deserve all the credit for this. Confirmation: It’s great you took that on - it suited your style. Thanking: Thanks for taking the time to focus on this.

22. Remember to Stretch Take people to the edge of their comfort zone. Be comfortable with making people uncomfortable (with permission!) Heart attack patients – Only 1/9 change lifestyle, even though their lives literally depend on it.

23. Before comfortable with a behavior or idea, we have to own it, aka: create hardwiring in our brains for it. Hard wiring drives perception, so when trying to change deep habits – we’re trying to change who people are! Ie: climate change When trying something new, we are literally forging a new pathway in our brain using working memory, which doesn’t have much space. We often have to go through discomfort, uncertainty, and even frustration of using our working memory as we forge paths in our brain toward making it part of our hardwiring. Change can bring strong emotions - especially at “conscious incompetence” phase.

24. Was there a time you were in unconscious incompetence?

25. Process Before Content • Good process means good goals– at the macro and micro levels. • Every time you have a conversation, you have clear goals for it to try to ensure its success. • Clear expectations so both people know where trying to get to and why, so you have same conversation!  • Good process for dialogues before details/content means more useful discussions (vs interesting)

26. Examples of Good Process/ PLACEMENT in Dialogue AKA: How to make sure conversation has the most success. • Both know roles in discussion • Both know how long plan to speak • Both know and agree on outcome trying to achieve in conversation • How it ties into other issues like overall goals • Both know explicitly where coming from in conversation • Choose specific type of thinking approach most likely to work in each moment (like brainstorming to develop ideas) • Constantly clarify the main points of the dialogue to keep you both focused on the core issues

27. Choose Your Focus Model Orient your thought processes, identify type of thinking doing, choose where to put focus During team meetings, difficult tasks, conversations, thinking, etc. Which gear are you thinking from? Choose another as needed.

28. 2. Listen for Potential • Clarity of distance - see people as their potential, not our agendas, filters, or hotspots • Listen for - strengths, passions, who they could be, & potential • Let them lead - follow their energy, be present in the moment with them

29. We literally only hear what we’re listening for • Neurons for sensing become active - before input arrives - when input arrives, compared with what was expected • Prediction is the main thing the brain does + foundation of intelligence • Mental state can contribute to perception more than stimulus itself • Unless you consciously choose the way you listen to someone, you might listen to prove your existing theories about this person (etc.) = not most effective way to transform.

30. Create new wiring in others • Watch what people do well • How they’re challenging themselves • How they’re growing, learning, developing • Notice new wiring others are developing • Be able to give feedback on what we see - in ways that make a difference.

31. A New Way to Listen: for potential Quiet Leader Question: Sounds exciting! This could be a great opportunity to think about what you really want from a career, a chance to reinvent your future. Ming: “I’ve been thinking of getting a better job.Work’s been getting me down. I think I’d make more money if I bought a car and got into sales.”

32. Listen deeply for potential • No cookie cutter words of what to say when you’re listening this way. • You respectfully see how you can best make yourself useful. • Become fascinated and present with the other person • Listen to people as if they’re successful, competent, and able to resolve their own dilemmas.

33. Clarity of distance Less involved in situation - can see what’s going on and patterns. More intelligence when farther away. In a forest - we have to be able to see above the trees, see paths/patterns. Not much help if also lost.

34. Partner up with someone. Ask how their week has been. Listen for their potential, strengths, passions. Follow their energy with your attention & questions. We will reflect together.

35. 3. Speak with Intent. • Be Succinct (Misty), Be Specific & Be Generous • Use sensitive words, pay attention, acknowledge, & be human • Keep emails short

36. 3 core patterns get in the way when coaching people to communicate more clearly: • Took too long to say their point so listener checked out • Listener didn’t understand exactly what speaker was saying • Speaker didn’t speak in language/concepts listener could immediately grasp

37. Be Succinct • We think at 600 but speak at 100 wpm - so first must capture and keep attention • Focused dialogue, not speaking while the other wanders off 2 reasons for being succinct: • Makes speaker get clearer about core message before speaking. Listener is more engaged because it’s more authentic - because speaker did work ahead of time instead of processing during conversation. • Listener can process bite sized bits of info instead of whole minutes at once

38. We want people to create their own mental maps of what we’re saying, and compare these to their existing maps. The more clearly and simply we can communicate, more chance connections will occur Being succinct means more energy required of us upfront, but it saves time overall We want people to be confident in dialogues but working memory/10 cent comp easily flummoxed To be succinct, you have to stop and take a moment to actually think.

39. The power of visuals • Picture in your own mind what you’re trying to say, then use visual words and metaphor to communicate • We want to water the seeds we’ve already planted rather than sow new fields

40. Be Specific “The challenge of using simple language is you have to know what you’re talking about.” Be succinct, but give enough info so you illustrate for people exactly what you’re talking about so no unnecessary sidetracks.

41. Add Specific to your Succinct Succinct: “That was a great meeting” VS Succinct + Specific: “That was a great meeting - especially the way we were able to bounce ideas off of each other, and how easy it was to get through such a big agenda in 2 hrs.”

42. To be generous, remember: • Choose your words • Be sensitive • Pay attention • Acknowledge people • Be human

43. Choose your words - slow down and choose your words carefully • Be sensitive - caring enough to be sensitive to how you come across - not jarring or off-putting. “I think you should stop focusing on that” VS “I sense it might be worth giving that less focus.” • Pay attention - Give people your undivided attention (rare in this multi-tasking world), instead of emailing or thinking of what you’re going say next. • Acknowledge people - Encouragement, validation - even in a few words. It’s how you come across, attitude! If you want people to think big thoughts, you need them to feel safe. • Be human - Be personal, be real, and share your humanity and what’s important to you. Share personal info so people are more at ease and more willing to think challenging thoughts.

44. Being generous is a way of showing you care about the other person Summary about being generous Helps build trust required for doing the work of improving thinking Invites other person to take conversation to deeper level - away from face facts and details, into vision and planning, into higher thoughts. Opens up the possibility of learning and change

45. Speak with Intent – Email &Digital Communications • Email - so much anxiety - most stressful part of job for many workers - drowning in emails. • Average 17th century Frenchman as much info in brain in a lifetime = 1 Sunday in NYT • Our brains may not be able to keep up! • Reduce quantity of emails, make them as clear as possible, and as few words as possible so people can scan your email at a glance (with 100 others).

47. Examples of dilemmas “I want to know how to inspire my people but they don’t seem excited.” “I’d really like to get all my ______ finished but I’m overloaded with ______.” (usually expressed in more complex terms) “I don’t want to let my manager down, but I need some downtime.” “I don’t like that new _______ and I’m not sure how I can work with them.”

48. 4. Dance Toward Insight • Permission • Placement • Questioning • Clarifying

49. What is one of your favorite questions from each Dance Move?

50. Dance Toward Insight Model • The Dance Toward Insight Model shows you exactly how to make AHA’s happen! • Dance of Insight is a way to keep people fully engaged with you in the delicate dance of making new connections. • This model helps people develop a deeper awareness of their dilemma; • Puts them into a reflective phase; • Then encourages these Aha! Moments to come through.