Cornerstone Church Network Master’s Group Session #8

1. Cornerstone Church NetworkMaster’s GroupSession #8 Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

2. Agenda 8:45 Arrival, breakfast and fellowship 9:00 Koinonia Connection 10:00 Break 10:15 Becoming Conflict Competent 11:45 Lunch 12:30 GPS 2:15 Wrap up / Debrief the day / Admin stuff 2:30 Adjournment Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

3. X Information + Feelings X Information Only Koinonia Connection • PASTHere is something about my past that would help you know me better • DEFINING A difficult life experience MOMENT which helped me grow as a personwas.. • VALUES Here’s what I stand for… Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

4. Becoming ConflictCompetent Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

5. Five Approaches to Conflictfrom The Thomas Kilmann Inventory • Avoid • Accommodate • Compromise • Collaborate • Compete Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

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7. Competing is assertive and uncooperative, a power-oriented mode. When competing, an individual pursues his or her own concerns at the other person’s expense, using whatever power seems appropriate to win his or her position. Competing might mean standing up for your rights, defending a position you believe is correct, or simply trying to win. Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative. When collaborating, an individual attempts to work with the other person to find a solution that fully satisfies the concerns of both. It involves digging into an issue to identify the underlying concerns of the two individuals and to find an alternative that meets both sets of concerns. Collaborating between two persons might take the form of exploring a disagreement to learn from each other’s insights, resolving some condition that would otherwise have them competing for resources, or confronting and trying to find a creative solution to an interpersonal problem. Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

8. Compromising is intermediate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. When compromising, an individual has the objective of finding an expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties. Compromising falls on a middle ground between competing and accommodating, giving up more than competing but less than accommodating. Likewise, it addresses an issue more directly than avoiding but doesn’t explore it in as much depth as collaborating. Compromising might mean splitting the difference, exchanging concessions, or seeking a quick middle-ground position. Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative. When avoiding, an individual does not immediately pursue his or her own concerns or those of the other person. He or she does not address the conflict. Avoiding might take the form of diplomatically sidestepping an issue, postponing an issue until a better time, or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation. Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative—the opposite of competing. When accommodating, an individual neglects his or her own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the other person; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode. Accommodating might take the form of selfless generosity or charity, obeying another person’s order when you would prefer not to, or yielding to another’s point of view. Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

9. Crucial Conversations “Tools for talking when stakes are high” Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

10. What makes one of your conversations ‘crucial’ as opposed to plain vanilla? First, opinions vary. (You’re talking with your boss about a promotion…you think you’re ready, she doesn’t) Second, stakes are high. (The outcome of this meeting with four coworkers will impact the long term viability of the company.) Third, emotions run strong. (Your spouse accuses you of flirting with the neighbor at the recent block party…and then walks off in a huff.) Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

11. “What makes each of these conversations crucial—and not simply challenging, frustrating, frightening, or annoying—is that the results could have a huge impact on the quality of your life.” Master's Group | Cornerstone Church Network

12. What gets in the way of productive dialogue? • Genetic predisposition to fight or flight • Crucial conversations are pressurized • Lack of training and positive models • Tendency toward self-defeating practices Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

13. Crucial Conversations Diagram Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

14. The Peace MakerA Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflictby Ken Sande “Peacemakers are people who breathe grace. They draw continually on the goodness and power of Jesus Christ, and then they bring his love, mercy, forgiveness, strength and wisdom to the conflicts of daily life. God delights to breathe his grace through peacemakers and use them to dissipate anger, improve understanding, promote justice, and encourage repentance and reconciliation.” Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

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16. Taking your next step: • What is your conflict ‘default style’? • What kind of people tend to most easily send you into ‘default style’? • What current conflict has been in your mind as we’ve been discussing today’s content? • What next step do you need to take related to that current conflict? Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

17. GrowingPast Stress Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network

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19. Masters Groups | Cornerstone Church Network