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Managing Conflict Leading Beyond the Obstacle. Reaching The Opportunity

Managing Conflict Leading Beyond the Obstacle. Reaching The Opportunity. October 12, 2012 Presented By Kamilah Collins. TOPICS Communication : My Message / My Intent Where Things Fall Apart: Understanding Them Hidden Feelings Wrong Turn: The Escalation Point Emotional Intelligence

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Managing Conflict Leading Beyond the Obstacle. Reaching The Opportunity

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  1. Managing Conflict Leading Beyond the Obstacle. Reaching The Opportunity October 12, 2012 Presented By Kamilah Collins

  2. TOPICS • Communication: My Message / My Intent • Where Things Fall Apart: Understanding Them • Hidden Feelings • Wrong Turn: The Escalation Point • Emotional Intelligence • Ladder of Inference • Let’s Try Again • Solutions • Opportunity to Develop • Addressing Conflict • Taking the Tools & Resolving the Problem

  3. Communication: My Message, My Intentions

  4. Understanding The Other Person

  5. Hidden Feelings • Unexpressed Feelings Leak into Conversations • Make it hard to listen • Make it difficult to Convey your actual thoughts • We Translate Our Feelings • Judgments “ If you were a good ___ u would…” • Attributions “Why were you trying to hurt me…” • Characterizations “ You’re so inconsiderate.” • Problem-Solving “The answer is for you to do __ …”

  6. Wrong Turn: The Point of Escalation • Your response matters! • Analysis Paralysis vs.. Bubble Gum Dispenser • Don’t make assumptions about silence. • Questioning is okay. Please be Socially Aware! • Leaders aren’t afraid to embrace differences in others. The challenge is understanding how those difference impact communication & team dynamics.

  7. Emotional Intelligence

  8. What Contributed to the Conflict? • What and How did I contribute to this issue? (mood that day, other events, attention on other things, priorities…) • What did they contribute? (Emotional State, Tone, Nonverbal, Past Interactions, Poor Word Choice) • Contribution of Others Elements (People, Circumstances, Timing, Place)

  9. Let’s Try this Again

  10. Solutions you can use. 5 Tips for Giving Feedback • Be specific. Give examples. • Be as specific with positive feedback as you are w/ negative. Remember 2:1 ratio • Be clear about consequences & expectations. (Suggestion vs.. Instruction) • Be clear about what is and is not negotiable. • You don’t have to persuade, just be clear. They can disagree.

  11. Solutions you can use. 5 Tips for Receiving Feedback • Listen. Don’t assume you know what they’re going to say. • Know that you are competent but have room for improvement. • Be engaged in the conversation. Inquire when open questions are presented. • Be willing to learn something, you already know you’re not perfect. • Do NOT assume malicious intent.

  12. Opportunity To Develop

  13. Addressing Conflict • Define the concern that can be resolved. • Acknowledge Contributing Factors (feelings, experience, intent, need to find fault, ) • Stick to the Facts • Be culpable… Own your contribution. • Be flexible with your intended outcome.

  14. Now Give It a Try • Ask the person to get together outside of the routine environment. • Something brief but casual (15-30mins) • Have a non-YP discussion • Ask if they’ve done anything fun recently • Any recent successes, accomplishments, good news • Genuinely find something of interest and listen to them for at least five minutes • Repeat back something you found interesting, provide a compliment, note something that impressed you • This may open an opportunity to develop a better relationship. If it doesn’t at least you made the effort.

  15. Take What You’ve Learned. Go Lead. My name is Kamilah Collins Owner & Lead Consultant Restore. Rebuild. Rebrand Like the Facebook Page NULYP Communications Chair Tweet @NULYP #WeDevelopMe

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