Personal Narrative Essay

1. Personal Narrative Essay Highs and Lows

2. Highs • Good choices: stories are compelling • Effective use of vivid details • Autobiographical significance is usually clear

3. Compelling Stories It’s nice to see how many of you have chosen stories that are funny or exciting or cute or just all around interesting. This can be a difficult essay if you begin with a narrative that is not very interesting—to the reader or to the writer.

4. Vivid Details • The mac and cheese was so runny that the noodles and cheese were basically two different dishes. The french fries were cold because they had sat so long, the meat was rubbery because it had been under heat lamps all evening, and the dessert was bland because (I assume) it had just been made from some awful box mix. • The first bite was heavenly. The peanut butter melted a bit, making it gooier than ever, mixed with the strawberry jam was to die for.

5. Autobiographical Significance • The world would be entirely different if every adult learned to not just watch over and love a child, but to really be friends with one and try to understand the inner-workings of his or her mind. • We will all remember that day as the happiest day of our lives. We did what no one thought we could do. I will always remember that meal for what it was, the best tasting celebration meal I could have ever asked for. • That's the reason why I can't stand rice, I rolled my eyes at my own memories.  Memories, I thought, that have carved my life for me today, including my absolute distaste and hate of rice.

6. Lows • Introductions • Conclusions • Sentence-level issues

7. Introductions • You need an introduction that introduces your essay, including an opener and a thesis statement. Do not open your essay with just the first scene of the story

8. Example: • “Aw man, dad’s going to be so mad.” It was Christmas Eve night. Brett, Amber and I always go to my mom’s house on Christmas Eve for gifts ever since my mom and dad have been divorced. My sister was already there, so I had to ride with my brother. Before we left, my dad said we could have one gift out of our stocking, either a gift or candy. I chose candy because I’d still have that extra gift to unwrap Christmas morning. My brother chose gift because he's just an impatient person. My dad went upstairs to grab our stocking stuffers and when he came back down he handed us our gifts. My candy ended up being a big carton of Milk Duds and Brett's gift was a bottle of cologne he’d been wanting.

9. Conclusions • You need a conclusion that ends your essay not just wraps up the story. Remember, the essay presents your story/narrative, but it also gives importance or significance to the story. The conclusion is a good place to highlight the significance.

10. Example: • By the end of dinner, my grandmother had talked all she could about how scary that accidental incident had been. She then turned her attention to how thankful she was that my Uncle Bob was alive and how thankful she was that my Aunt Tracy saved him. I think my grandmother was saying exactly what we all were thinking. We were all thankful that my Uncle Bob was alive and still seemed a little shaken, but he was alright. Its crazy incidences like that, that make me thankful for the family that I do have and the love we have for each other. My Uncle Bob’s potential drowning reaffirms that I shouldn’t take the time I have with my family for granted because we never know when our time will end.

11. Sentence-level features • It’s important to use the local revision techniques we discussed last week, including: • Spell check • Grammar check • Reading the paper aloud • Sharing the paper with a peer • Visiting the writing lab

12. Using Present Tense • One sentence-level feature that stands out as a problem in these essays is the use of the present tense. The stories you are telling happened in the past. Do not tell the story using the present verb tense. It becomes confusing and is inconsistent.

13. Next Week is Revision and Editing Week