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Gendered Communication. The Three V’s Of Communication. Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say. 1. 2. 3. VERBALS. VOCALS. VISUALS. “I Am Going To The Mall.”.
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The Three V’s Of Communication Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say. 1 2 3 VERBALS VOCALS VISUALS “I Am Going To The Mall.” “I Am Going To The Mall.” “I Am Going To The Mall.” “I Am Going To The Mall.” “I Am Going To The Mall.”
Cross-Gender Communication: Venus and Mars? RAPPORT CONNECTIONS INTERDEPENDENT EXPRESSERS EXPANDERS FEELINGS FOCUS REPORT STATUS INDEPENDENT RESOLVERS CONDENSERS FACTS FOCUS
OUTCOMES & GOALS Understanding Man-Talk Issues: “Men Don’t Listen” “Men Don’t Talk” “Men Don’t Express Their Feelings” • We Socialize Boys To Focus On Outcomes and Goals: • Boys/Men Score In Games With Non-Negotiable Rules • Boys/Men Are Capable, Powerful, and Don’t Need Help • Boys/Men Build and Fix Things
OUTCOMES & GOALS Understanding Man-Talk Issues: “Men Don’t Listen” “Men Don’t Talk” “Men Don’t Express Their Feelings” Men learn that problems are expressed ONLY when you can’t solve them yourself. He hears a NEED and offers a SOLUTION! Men DO talk. In fact, they talk more than women do. It’s how and when they talk that’s different. He reserves his talking for when he has figured things out and “knows” he’s right. Men learn not to express the “weakness” emotions publicly: fear, sadness, stress, sensitivity. Men have caveman moments and should let their partners know: “I’ll be back”.
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP Understanding Woman-Talk Issues: “Women Want To Control Men” “Men Talk Too Much” “Women Are Too Emotional” • We Socialize Girls To Focus On “Process” and Relationships: • Girls/Women Nurture and Care For Things • Girls/Women Learn That Strong Interaction and Relationships Are The Key To Problem Solving • Girls/Women Play Games In Which The Big Picture Is More Important Than The Details
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP Understanding Woman-Talk Issues: “Women Want To Control Men” “Men Talk Too Much” “Women Are Too Emotional” Some “criticism” is about nurturing and trying to make men “be better,” “do better,” “feel better” She is trying to communicate concern and interest. When she’s stressed, she wants to talk about it. Her answers come by talking them out, not thinking them out. She’s “expanding.” Women see things in broad strokes and big pictures. She talks in superlatives, metaphors, and over generalizations Women have a tendency to “gunnysack” Women and men have different frames of reference.
Vocal Differences In Men-Talk & Women-Talk Inflections Women Often Use High-Rising Tones In Declarative Statements Tag Questions – Make Declarative Statements Sound Tentative Women Often Add Questions (“ . . ., Right?” and “. . . ., Don’t You Think?”) To The End Of Declarative Statements Discourse Particles – Fillers In Our Own Or Other People’s Speech Women Use Segmentation Markers (“Uh Huhn,” “Ok”) To Show They’re Listening Men Use Hesitation Markers (“Um” and “Like”) To Give Themselves Time To Think Shift Mechanisms – Ways We Change Subjects When Someone Else Is Talking Women Tend To Use Conjunctions (“But . .” or “However . . ” or “And . . . ”) Men Tend To Use Interjections (“Listen, . . . ” or “By the way . . .”) Politeness And Rapport Markers (e.g., “Would you mind?”)
Visual Differences In Men-Talk & Women-Talk Whole Use Of Body Men take up more space, spread out, with legs wide Men prefer to talk face-to-face and women prefer to talk side-by-side When listening to someone, men recline (relaxed) and women lean forward (alert) Use Of Arms Men tend to use two-armed gestures while women use one-armed ones Women’s gestures are light and fluid; men’s are more forceful and restricted Use Of Hands In conversations, men touch their partner less than women do Men gesture more away from the body, while women gesture more towards it Use Of Face Men look obliquely at partners while women (in spite of “low status”) look directly at them Men suppress facial expressiveness and “plasticity” more than women do