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THE ‘COUGAR’ PHENOMENON: thinking of middle-aged women's sexuality beyond the stereotypes

THE ‘COUGAR’ PHENOMENON: thinking of middle-aged women's sexuality beyond the stereotypes. Milaine Alarie , PhD (c). Outline. What is the ‘cougar’ phenomenon? Cultural representations of older women’s sexuality Women, aging, and sexuality Women dating younger men.

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THE ‘COUGAR’ PHENOMENON: thinking of middle-aged women's sexuality beyond the stereotypes

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  1. THE ‘COUGAR’ PHENOMENON: thinking of middle-aged women's sexuality beyond the stereotypes MilaineAlarie, PhD(c)

  2. Outline • What is the ‘cougar’ phenomenon? • Cultural representations of older women’s sexuality • Women, aging, and sexuality • Women dating younger men

  3. What is the ‘cougar’ phenomenon?

  4. Creation of the term ‘cougar’ • Term coined in early 1990s • Used by Vancouver hockey players • Early 2000s- became popularized • Publication of the self-help book “Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men” (2001) • Creation of cougardate.com (2001)

  5. New consumer market for older women dating younger men • Books • Dating websites • Boat cruises • Cougar conventions

  6. New consumer market for older women dating younger men

  7. Media’s new interest for ‘cougars’ • TV shows • Cougar Town • Extreme Cougar Wives • Movies • Something’s gotta give (2003) • Adore (2013) • Newspaper articles

  8. What is a ‘cougar’? • No official definition • Women in their 30s and above • Also used to describe any woman who is dating a younger man • Age gap varies from minimum of 3 to 10 years • In MY research, I focus on • Women 35 or older • Age gap of minimum 5 years

  9. Cultural representations of older women’s sexuality:when sexism meets ageism

  10. Historical overview • Changes in the norms • Sexual ‘Repression’ 1940s-1950s • Post-WWII: Ideology of the housewife • Sexual Revolution 1960s • Quebec– ‘RévolutionTranquille’ • Backlash late 1970s-early1980sin the US • Sexual Evolution 1990s - today

  11. 1960s- Sexual Revolution • Influenced by: • Changes in gender roles • The birth control movement: • started in the 1st decade of the 20th century; • Family planning • By 1960s, it was already an acceptable practice • Quebecer’s rejection of the Church • Socio-economic context of the 1960s: • Economy booming • Early 1960s: anything seemed possible

  12. 1960s- Sexual revolution • Influenced by: • Increasing availability of erotic material • Early scholars working on sexuality • Kinsey (1948; 1953) • Masters & Johnson (1966) • Gay bars and bathhouses • existed long before they became visible to the public

  13. 1990s- Generation X and the ‘Sexual Evolution’ • “Sexual Evolution” of the 1990s • ≠ sexual revolution of the 1960s • Women of generation X • Born between early 1960s to the early 1980s • Women of generation X are taking charge of their sex lives

  14. Women of generation X • 2 major shifts since the 1970s : • Women of generation X’s sexual profiles are becoming remarkably similar to men’s • age of first intercourse • number of sexual partners • Male-defined scripts/norms are being challenged

  15. Sexual scripts and norms- Aging and sexuality • Men and women: different norms and expectations • Sexual double standard • Gendered double standard of aging • Importance of physical appearance • Cultural opposition between motherhood and sexuality

  16. Sexual Double Standard • Very old norm • Middle-ages: chastity belts for women; • 16th-17th century women were burned at the stake as witches; • 19th century and the Victorian Era • Requiring women to profess a total lack of sexual feeling • Sex = only for reproduction

  17. Cultural opposition between sexuality and motherhood • Gendered norm • Fatherhood ≠ asexuality • Motherhood= women should focus on their role as a mother • Sexuality assecondary or no longer important • Sexual expression = must now be reserved for private sphere

  18. Cultural opposition between sexuality and motherhood • 2/3 of women think that when a woman becomes a mother, she should change her sexual expression(Montemurro & Siefken, 2012) • E.g. the way she dresses; flirting; etc. • The more sexual a woman is perceived to be, the worse she is seen as a mother (Friedman et al. 1998)

  19. Gendered double standard of aging • Definition: • in terms of perceived attractiveness and of normative sexual behavior, as they age, women are judge more harshly than men. • Aging women: thought of as unattractive and (preferably) asexual • Aging men: attractiveness in both the romance and job markets holds steady or even increases with age

  20. Middle-aged women on TV • Media’s depiction of older men/ women • Fewer older women than men • Older women’s sexuality= • Often muted (e.g. older women as asexual mothers) • Destabilising the nuclear family • Funny • Dangerous • BUT– increasing number of middle-aged women on TV • Which women are presented on TV?

  21. Importance of physical appearance • Men’s value= • Associated with their occupational status and their wealth • Men are valued for their intelligence, their sports abilities, their leadership • Men gain value as they age • Women’s value= • Primarily determined by their physical appearance and their ability to attract the attention of men • Beauty= youth • Women loose value as they age

  22. Beauty standards for women- a social control tool?

  23. Beauty standards for women- a social control tool? • Some feminists argue that beauty standards= • a tool to prevent women from getting power, from destabilizing the patriarchal system where men are at the top • The argument: • Women’s value= first and foremost determined by their beauty/youth • As women become older, they become smarter, wealthier, therefore potentially more powerful • so their beauty is said to decrease • Goal: limit women’s power, by affecting their self-esteem, and others’ perception of older women’s credibility • Result= women cannot destabilize patriarchy

  24. Culturally approved sexuality for women? • In other words, for women, sexual activity is generally thought as being acceptable only for: • the childless pretty young adult woman in a serious monogamous long-term relationship

  25. How assumptions guide our practice? • How do our assumptions influence the way we treat aging women?

  26. ‘Cougars’ as breaking norms • Older women choosing younger men as sexual partners break many norms and challenge many assumptions regarding women’s sexuality • Women are, like men, interested in sexuality • even ‘flings’ or ‘one-night-stands’ • Women can be assertive • Aging women are attractive • Aging women are sexual being • Being a mother does not mean asexuality

  27. Women, aging, and sexuality:the facts

  28. Menopause and sexuality • Effect of menopause on women’s sexuality: inconsistencies in scientific literature • Some experience decline in sexual desires, and/or pain during intercourse • Others report increased sexual desire, and/or increased sexual activity • Some report no change at all

  29. Menopause and sexuality • Importance of contextual and relational factors • Past sexual dysfunction • Being married/single • Relationship length • Level of intimacy with partner • Feelings for partner

  30. Menopause and sexuality • Issue= reducing women’s sexuality to their reproductive functions • Gendered representations of parenthood and sexuality: • women = mothers • Women’s sexuality= reproduction

  31. Aging and level of sexual activity • Decline in sexual activity for both men and women at middle age and beyond

  32. Aging and level of sexual activity • Gender differences • Example- Among 40-59 year olds: • Larger proportion of women report having nosexual partners • Women: tend to have limited or no sexual activity at a younger age than men • Men = 3 times more likely than women of the same age to report having multiple sexual partners at a given point in time.

  33. Middle-aged women and sexual activity • 79% of middle-aged women (aged 42-52 years old) had engaged in sex with a partner in the last 6 months (Cain 2003) • Common reasons for no sex(Cain 2003) : • were lack of partner (67%) • lack of interest (33%) • fatigue (16%)

  34. Middle-aged women and sexual activity • Middle-aged women in U.S. (Alarie & Carmichael 2014) • 86% of women had had sex in last 12 months • Among sexually active women, in last 12 months • Number of sex partners: • 90% --one partner • 7 % -- 2 partners • 3 %-- 3 or more partners • Marital status of those who had 2 or more sex partners in the last 12 months • 3% of married women • 18% of single never-married women • 28% of previously married women

  35. Middle-aged women and sexual activity • Single middle-aged women in Quebec • Sexually active women: # of partners in last 5 years • 21% --had 1 partner • 45%-- 2 or 3 partners • 27%-- 4-6 partners • 7% -- 7 and more partners

  36. Middle-aged women and sexual activity • Condom use among single middle-aged women in QC (last 2 partners) • Vaginal intercourse • 33% used condoms all the time • 43% reported never having used condoms • Anal intercourse • 21% used condoms all the time • 77% never used a condom

  37. Women dating younger men

  38. Aging, singlehood and (re)marriage • From age 35 and on, the ratio of single women versus single men begin to increase • unbalanced pool of potential opposite-sex partners • Sex differences in mortality rates= play a limited role, and it does so only passed age 45 • Aging and the age-gap between partners • The older a man is when he gets married, the younger is bride will likely be • Men marrying in their 20s: 1 year age-gap • Men marrying in their 60s: 9 to12 years age-gap

  39. Gender and age preferences in partners • Personal ads (Jagger 2005) • 35-44 age-group • Advertising for a partner who is 34 or younger: • 47%of men vs • 8 %of women • Ideal partner (Montenegro 2003) : • 40-69 age-group • majority of men (26%) prefer a female partner who is 4 to 9 years younger • majority of women (33%) prefer a male partner who is 1 to 4 years older • Reporting wanting a partner who is at least 5 years younger: • 64% of men vs • 17% of women

  40. Gender and age preferences in partners • Differentiating between different commitment level (Buunk et al. 2001) • Men: • the less committed (casual sex), the younger the ideal woman is • Women: • regardless of the commitment level, women want men of a similar age

  41. Age heterogamy in marriage • Age heterogamy- 2 types • Hypergamy (older man) • Hypogamy (older woman) • Average age gap at 1st marriage: • Today= • 2 years (Canada and U.S.) • Early 20th century= • 3.5 years in Canada • 4 years in the US

  42. Trends in marriage • Man at least 4 years older : • Canada: 36% of marriage/common law unions • US: 32.3% of marriages • Woman at least 4 years older: • Canada: 6% of marriage/common law unions • US:wife is at least 4 years older in 7.6% of marriages

  43. Trends in marriages • Age-gap of minimum 10 years (Canada): • Hypergamy: 7% of marriage/common law • Hypogamy: 1%

  44. Women who choose younger man as sexual partners:MY STUDY (2014) • 2 research questions: • How prevalent are age-hypogamous sexual relationships in the United States? • What are the socio-demographic characteristics associated with the middle-aged women who engage in these non-conventional relationships?

  45. The variables • The socio-demographic factors analysed: • Woman’s age • Her race • Her education • Her income • Her marital status • Her religious faith and level of religiosity • Her attitudes towards sexuality/gender roles • Her number of sexual partners in last 12 months (control)

  46. The sample and the outcome • Focus= sexual relationships • Sample= • U.S. Women aged 35-44 • Sexually active women only • Looked at all sexual partners in the last 12 months • The outcome: women engaging in age-hypogamous sexual relationships (‘cougars’) • Having slept with at least 1 man who is a minimum of 5 years her junior in the last 12 months

  47. My findings • Age-hypogamy • 13% of women have slept with a man who is at least 5 years younger • 4.5% of women have slept with a man at least 10 years younger • Age-hypergamy: • 34% of women have slept with at least one man who was 5 years older or more • 14% of women have slept with a man at least 10 years older or more

  48. Who is the ‘cougar’ • Women’s Income: • lower income women are more likely than affluent women to have sex with younger men • Women’s race: • Women who identify as either White or Black are less likely than those of ‘other racial groups’. • Women’s marital status: • Previously married women are more likely than married/cohabiting women to engage in age-hypogamous sexual relationships • No difference between never married women and married women • Majority of older woman/younger man sexual relationships actually involve married/cohabiting women 

  49. Who is the ‘cougar’ • Conservative attitudes: • Agreeing with the statement that “any sexual acts between consenting adults is all right”– increases the likelihood of sleeping with a younger man • Religion: • Women who never go to Church are more likely than those who go regularly to sleep with a younger man • Women’s level of education: • Not significant

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