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Resolving Conflict as a Small Group Leader

Resolving Conflict as a Small Group Leader. Mark Naylor mark.naylor@twu.ca Fellowship International Northwest Baptist Seminary. Crucial conversations. Ministers of Reconciliation What is a crucial conversation: Opinions vary Stakes are high Emotions run strong

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Resolving Conflict as a Small Group Leader

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  1. Resolving Conflict as a Small Group Leader Mark Naylor mark.naylor@twu.ca Fellowship International Northwest Baptist Seminary

  2. Crucial conversations • Ministers of Reconciliation • What is a crucial conversation: • Opinions vary • Stakes are high • Emotions run strong • Flight or fight; silence or violence

  3. Crucial conversations • Ministers of Reconciliation • What is a crucial conversation: • Opinions vary • Stakes are high • Emotions run strong • Flight or fight; silence or violence • Key skill: Dialogue

  4. Practices to Cultivate • Who is responsible to hold a crucial conversation? I am • When should I hold a crucial conversation? Whenever possible. Instead of saying “That’s not that important,” get into the practice of looking for, welcoming and addressing any and all issues to practice. • Have crucial conversations about crucial conversations. Take ownership and encourage each other to hold crucial conversations.

  5. Start with Heart • Work on yourself first • Be self-aware • Step Back (Mentally) • Acknowledge the reality (Mentally) • Focus on what you really want • Avoid the fool’s choice • The elusive “AND”

  6. Style under stress

  7. My Crucial Conversations Skills Score

  8. Creating Safety • GOAL: Keep in dialogue • Learn to Look: Interpret conflict and tension as lack of safety • Tool 1: Step out of the conversation • Decide Which Condition of Safety Is at Risk • Mutual Purpose. • Mutual Respect • Apologize When Appropriate • Tool 2: Contrast to Fix Misunderstanding

  9. Master your Stories Retrace Your Path • Notice your behavior. • Get in touch with your feelings. • Analyze your stories • Tell the rest of the story • Turn victims into actors. • Turn villains into humans. • Turn the helpless into the able.

  10. Tool 3: STATE your path Share your facts Tell your story Ask for others' paths Talk tentatively Encourage testing

  11. Tool 4: Listening with AMPP • AMPP: • Ask • Mirror • Paraphrase • Prime

  12. Tool 5: Listening with ABC • ABC: Agree, build, contrast • Remember your goal – which is what? • Agree: Not with what you disagree with, but find common ground. • Build: Discuss the bigger issues that encompass both the areas you agree and disagree. • Contrast: NOT disagree.

  13. Practices to Cultivate • Who is responsible to hold a crucial conversation? I am • When should I hold a crucial conversation? Whenever possible. Instead of saying “That’s not that important,” get into the practice of looking for, welcoming and addressing any and all issues to practice. • Have crucial conversations about crucial conversations. Take ownership and encourage each other to hold crucial conversations.

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