43 rd Airlift Wing

1. 43rd Airlift Wing America’s first call for combat airlift Reunion/Redeployment Briefing Arthur Miller, Capt MDOS/SGOH We put the air in airborne!

2. Overview • Making Life Normal Again • Changes • Children • Reestablishing Intimacy • Single Airmen • Going Back To Work • Homecoming Let-Down

3. Introduction • Reunion is a major event for all concerned • Reunion can be as challenging as deployment • Reunion difficulties usually comes from changes during your absence • Reunion stress is normal

4. Achieving Normalcy • Life after deployment is different • Reunions can be difficult • Recognize Stressors: • Physical • Mental • Substance Abuse • Domestic Violence

5. Changes • People left behind became more independent and acquired new responsibilities out of necessity • Finances • Friends • House rules • Mixed feelings about you being back • The transition may be hard because you’ve both changed • They may worry you resent their growth • Grief over lost roles is common

6. Common Coping Strategies • Communicate Openly and Honestly • BIG TIP: Men fix...Women share Men, don’t try to come up with solutions to everything she shares with you. Try to understand what she’s saying first. • AVOID CRITICIZING YOUR PARTNER • You weren’t there, they were • They may be sensitive to failures they suffered in your absence • Focus on current successes, not past errors • Avoid the Martyr game

7. Coping Strategies (cont.) • Approach others as equals • Be patient • Build common interests again • Take time together • Be aware of unrealistic expectations • Remember to express your gratitude • Don’t expect old problems to go away

8. Coping Strategies (cont.) • Appreciate their growth and acknowledge it • About rules...don’t rock the boat too fast • Renegotiate roles • Be aware of the BIG THREE: • Money, Children, Sex • IMPORTANT: Personal growth and independence enhances marriage if both partners can adapt and incorporate those changes into the marriage

9. Children • Determining Factors • Age of the child • Personality • Past experiences • Relationship with child • Sex of the parent deployed

10. Possible Problems with Children • May not know you and cry when held (<1) • Hide or be slow to approach (1-3) • Guilt over separation and be scared (3-5) • May want a lot of time and attention (6-12) • Moody and appear not to care (13-18) • Not living up to your standards (all kids) • They may fear your return • Divided loyalties

11. Possible Problems with Children (cont.) • They may be glad to see you but not act like it • You may seem like a stranger • They may fear you • They may have limited coping behaviors

12. Dealing with Your Kids • Let them know how happy you are to see them • Praise themfor helping out while you were gone • Reassure them constantly for awhile • Include them in your life by sharing your experiences • Show interest in their activities since you’ve been gone • Keep predictable routine, bedtime

13. Dealing with Children (cont.) • Expect children to be silly and test limits • Recognize changes in your children and work to build on them • Ensure that you work with your spouse to address concerns with your children • Meet acting out with understanding not punishment

14. Returning Mothers • Mothers have a special relationship with their children: • Nurturers • Primary Caregivers • Teachers • BE SENSITIVE TO A CHILDS’ NEEDS! Some may personalize your absence and want space (you left, they didn’t), while others will be eager to reconnect with you

15. New Fathers • Babies cost a lot...prepare yourself • Understand other siblings’ feelings about the new addition to the family • You may have some jealousy or guilt • SUGGESTION: • Accept your absence as unavoidable • The baby will need you

16. Single Parents • Anxiety about reuniting and caregiver bond • SUGGESTIONS: • Communicate with Caregiver and Child • Be patient • Involve Caregiver in transition and do it gradually • Changes can be difficult for the children • Appreciate your child may feel things are out of their control • Ease their fears by letting them have some input

17. Single Airmen • Communication can make your transition easier • Have patience, recognize and adapt to changes • Go slow...don’t try to do too much...you could overload • Your families were worried so ease their fears...go see them...call them • Choices...Choices...Choices. Many situations may arise (some good, some bad) that require your attention. Try to make good choices or enlist the aid of someone you trust, to help you

18. Reestablishing Intimacy • Sex and Intimacy are VERY DIFFERENT • Be prepared for “TEMPORARY”failure to perform • Intimacy over sex...Be patient • Know the difference between female and male sexuality • You may feel strange together...at first

19. Returning to Work • Adjusting to work can be as difficult as adjusting to home: • What changes have taken place • How will others respond to your return • To deal with these changes, keep in mind: • Communication • Patience • Anticipate and accept changes • This may be an opportunity to start over, take advantage

20. Work (cont.) • Have a discussion with your supervisor about: • You may have changed • Supervisor may have changed • Work environment may have changed • May feel job has become boring • Co-workers may resent leaving • Work will be waiting for you! • Avoid taking charge right away • Find out about entitlements and benefits • They WILL be glad to see you!

21. Homecoming Let-Down • It is normal • It will lessen and disappearas you adjust • Can result from unresolved relationship or disappointed expectations with: • Relationship • Family • Children • Friends • Work

22. Homecoming (cont.) • WATCH OUT FOR DEPRESSION!!! • Feelings of hopelessness or despair • Lack of interest in activities or loved ones • Lack of energy • Change in weight (loss or gain) • Sleep difficulties • Intrusive thoughts of death or suicide

23. Homecoming (cont.) • Anxiety or panic attacks: • Persistent feelings of panic or fear for no reason • Flashbacks • Nightmares or bad dreams • Eventual decrease of symptoms is normal; prolonged symptoms could indicate PTSD • If you experience any of these symptoms, please seek help • LSSC, PCM, Chaplin, Supervisor, Coworkers, Friends

24. America’s first call for combat airlift We put the air in airborne!