Clergy Abuse: Betrayal and Relational Complex Trauma

Clergy Abuse: Betrayal and Relational Complex Trauma Christine A. Courtois, PhD, ABPP Psychologist, Private Practice Courtois & Associates, PC Washington, DC CACourtoisPhD@aol.com www.drchriscourtois.com

Relevant Books by Dr. Courtois

Outline • I. Clergy abuse and incest have similar dynamics • Both are forms of complex trauma • II. Complex trauma ->complex reactions • III. Complex reactions -> complex healing • Understanding dynamics and common reactions helps to better understand the injury and to heal

Defining Trauma • What is trauma? • Stressor event or experience (includes witnessing) • Overwhelming • Different types: impersonal, interpersonal, identity • What makes it traumatic? • Overwhelming emotionally and cognitively • Cannot be emotionally processed in the normal way • When interpersonal, adds to the trauma • betrayal, secrecy, silence, taboo, force/violence, blame/shame, etc. • Avoided and not processed • generalizes and/or goes underground

DefiningTrauma • What is Complex Trauma? • Interpersonal/identity • Often during childhood/adolescence • Impacts development • In context of a relationship • Betrayal/Misuse/Exploitation • Repeated/chronic • Entrapping • Escalating over time • Seriousness & intrusion

What is Incest? • Sexual abuse by family members (also by non-relatives who have family roles, including clergy) • Violates primary relationships and roles • Violates responsibility to protect • Misuses authority, power, knowledge • Preys on and exploits those who are younger/smaller /less powerful/naïve/ immature/dependent/accessible • Have fewer resources • Victims are more vulnerable if family is not healthy

Common Dynamics of Incest • Betrayal and Relational Trauma • Betrayal of an essential and sacrosanct relationship and role • Not “stranger-danger” • Much more emotionally conflicted and damaging • May affect ability to remember • Second injury • Those who don’t respond or help • Institutional injury • Those that obstruct rather than help • Communities and organizations

Common Dynamics of Incest • Dysfunctional Family • With boundary and power problems; sometimes violent, poly-abusive, addictions • Power and gender dynamics • Patriarchal • Closed system • Loyalty expected, even when not deserved • Family rules and injunctions • Don’t!: know, feel, react, respond, tell • Paradox and hypocrisy

Common Dynamics of Incest • Victim who discloses is blamed, shunned, scapegoated, • “You are with us or against us; Don’t ask us to admit/change” • Supporters/interveners are treated with suspicion, may be attacked • Secondary and tertiary victims • Trauma has a wake: like a pebble in a pond • Other family members, others in the parish or faith community

Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy Abuse • Structured power and historical behaviors (including abuse) and doctrine • Patriarchal and hierarchical: Cardinals , bishops and priests as authority figures, extensions of the deity; contradictory views of women • Church as family • Church as closed system • Structured morals and beliefs (that are violated) • Structured training of priests • Vocations and seminaries • Personal and psychosexual development in the seminary

Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy Abuse • Loyalty and obedience expected • Priest as God’s representative: Spiritual father • Authority and moral figure • May have a role in the child’s biological family • Always to be honored, obeyed, respected • Not to be questioned/suspected • Church and congregants as extended family • Children of God • Beliefs, structure, functioning • Loyalty, attachment, kinship/faith ties

Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy Abuse • Betrayal-trauma, hypocrisy, & disillusionment • Betrayal of role and responsibilities • Betrayal of beliefs and teaching • Ambivalent attachment/conflicted emotions/loyalty • Second Injury • Enablers (housekeeper, other priests, etc.) • Passive bystanders (other priests, congregants, parents, Bishops, Cardinals, etc.) • Those who should help and don’t • Lack of investigation, follow-up, silencing • Disbelievers, blamers, scapegoaters, and attackers • Vicarious injury: collateral damage

Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy Abuse • Institutional Injury • Suppression of reports and inadequate investigation • Lack of reporting to criminal authorities • Lack of cooperation with investigations • Non-removal of perpetrators and moving them from one parish to another with no warning • Non-pastoral response to victims • Actively working against victims’ suits & rights • Statutes of limitation, bankruptcies, etc. • Expensive defense attorneys • Questioning of recovered or delayed memories

Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy Abuse • And the list goes on… • “Just get over it.” • “What’s the big deal?” • “All (litigating) victims want is money and to bankrupt the Church.” • “It’s homosexuality and not pedophilia” • Can it not be one or the other or both? • “The Church does not have to report to civil authorities.” • “The problem is recent and it is over.” • “Management systems are in place” • “Why should I/we apologize for what other priests/Bishops did?”

II. Complex Reactions to Complex Trauma • Individual and subjective • Initial and short-term: • Wide variety of behavioral, cognitive, emotional, physical/medical, identity, relational and family issues and symptoms • PTS and PTSD, depression, anxiety, dissociation, substance abuse and compulsions • by victim’s age and stage of development • May be noticed right away, but not understood • Child may not disclose, even when asked directly • Effects and symptoms may go dormant

Complex Reactions to Complex Trauma • Long-term: • Same: PTS and PTSD, Complex PTSD, dissociation, depression, anxiety, substance abuse • Episodic • Chronic • Again, manifested by age and stage • Delayed onset: Secondary elaborations of the untreated original effects • Cued by current events (positive and negative): media and other reports of clergy abuse; death of the perpetrator or others; feelings, thoughts, sensations; relationship and family issues; children and childrearing; response of others; institutional response, etc.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder • Major symptoms (the big three): • 1. Re-experiencing • 2. Numbing/detaching • 3. Hyper-arousal • Associated symptoms • Depression, anxiety, dissociation, substance abuse • Co-morbidity: medical and psychological • Self and relationship difficulties

Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders: PTSD, plus or minus • Alterations in ability to regulate self and emotions • Alterations in sense of self • PREDOMINANTLY NEGATIVE AND SELF-BLAMING • Alterations in ongoing consciousness • Alterations in relation to the perpetrator • Alterations in relation to others • MISTRUST, alienation • Physical/medical concerns • Alterations in meaning and spirituality

Complex Injury ->ComplexTreatment • Understand complex trauma and reactions • Find an experienced therapist • Must understand sexual abuse, special issues of clergy abuse, complex trauma • Not all therapists have training in the treatment of trauma • Don’t take this for granted! • Find someone you are comfortable with • The therapy relationship itself is part of the healing process

Complex Treatment for Complex Injury • Sequenced treatment with three main stages: • 1. Information/education, safety and stabilization, dismantling defenses/survival skills and managing symptoms, skill-development including emotional regulation skills, development of therapeutic relationship • 2. Trauma memory processing: involves acceptance, grieving, and anger; strategizing about actions • 3. Life re-engagement, meaning, spirituality

Complex Treatment for Complex Injury: Reverse the Lessons of Abuse • Personal SAFETY is the foundation of healing • Support of others is crucial • Develop a support system • YOU ARE NOT ALONE • IT DIDN’T ONLY HAPPEN TO YOU • Put yourself and your family first • Determine your needs • Family members such as parents can be vicariously traumatized and may need support and treatment • Explain to children in age-appropriate ways

Complex Treatment for Complex Injury • Re-gain control: Get empowered for you • Treat any addictions/compulsions simultaneously • Challenge old messages and the “lessons of abuse” • Work to change thoughts and beliefs • Learn to remove/limit triggers • Learn skills to manage symptoms • Approach versus avoid trauma material but with skills and support in place and in a balanced way • Trauma must be emotionally processed • Use anger for you and not against you

On Offering Support • Healing is a process • Expect ups and downs • Healing from complex interpersonal trauma is longer rather than shorter-term • Be unconditional and conditional • Person versus behavior • Expect your own reactions • Vicarious or secondary trauma • Crisis in faith • Engage in self-care and have limits and boundaries • Have own sources of support/outside perspective

On Grieving • Compounded, complicated mourning for what was and what wasn’t • Multiple layers of betrayal and injury • Takes time and energy • Often involves righteous and justifiable anger • Ambiguous losses • Might not be recognized -> more loss and grief • Might not be supported • Search for meaning and validation

Anger for Empowerment • ANGER/RAGE IS AN ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED RESPONSE TO ABUSE • A difficult emotion, must be managed and modulated • LEARN TO USE ANGER PRODUCTIVELY AND IN WAYS THAT EMPOWER YOU • Use anger to reverse the lessons and put the blame where it belongs and not on you • Litigation is one option, not the only one • Can have a high personal cost, better if later in the process, get information and choose carefully • Personal healing and recovery are the ultimate goals

Conclusion Healing Is Possible and Is Your Right and Responsibility Maintain Hope and Solidarity with Others

Additional Resources • SNAP.org (Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests) • MaleSurvivors.org • ISTSS.org (International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies) • ISSTD.org (International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation) • NCPTSD.org (National Center for PTSD) • NCTSN.org (National Child Traumatic Stress Network) • Sidran.org • Referral list, help desk, books and videos on trauma topics

Clergy Abuse: Betrayal and Relational Complex Trauma