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Learn how the principles of alignment, amplification, and appeal can increase the effectiveness of your persuasive communication. Discover how to align your words and actions, amplify key points, and appeal to values and basic drivers.
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Alignment Principle Principle When everything lines up, there are no contradictions to cause disagreement. How it works When a person receives a communication from you, one of the ways they act to assess whether they can trust you and trust your message is to compare it with other things you have said and done. If all of these agree (that is, they align) then they will be likely to trust you fully. On the other hand, the more you are unaligned, the less they will trust you. No mixed messages The opposite of aligned communication is a mixed message, where beliefs, values, attitudes and prior words and actions do not tell the same story. If you display values that indicate you are selfish or if you have a history of unreliability, then asking someone to lend you some money may not be successful.
Alignment Principle cont’d Internal alignment Internal alignment occurs where a person's internal drivers, include beliefs and values as well as general goals, are aligned with their words and actions. Thus, for example, if you believe that you are a kind person and consequently talk this way, but then are unkind to another person, you are showing a lack of internal alignment. The more out of alignment one is, the more one will appear shallow and lacking in integrity. External alignment External alignment occurs where a person's words and deeds align with the internal drivers of other people. Typically this at least involves alignment with common values, such as respecting others and helping those in distress. Full alignment Full alignment occurs where two people have both internal and external alignment. This is extremely rare, although it can be approached when people work in a shared and collaborative culture. So what? At minimum seek external alignment, although it is difficult to avoid sending mixed messages through your body language.
Amplification Principle Principle Making something appear more significant (or insignificant) than it really is. How it works Often, in persuasive situations, we seek to direct the attention of the other person towards points that support our argument and away from points that reduce our argument. We thus both amplify the supporting points and attenuate (the reverse of amplifying) other points. Turning up and turning down the volume Just as you can turn up and turn down the volume on your I-pod, so also can you amplify or attenuate individual points to suit your purpose. Amplifying may include such activities as: Pointing out elements that play to the other person's needs, values and goals and otherwise focusing their attention. Showing evidence of how other people have benefited. Contrasting the benefits of a proposition with alternative actions. Frequently repeating the message. Providing confirming experiences. Exaggerating the truth, framing small things as being bigger than they actually are.
Amplification Principle cont’d Attenuating may include activities such as: Distracting the person away from these elements. Decreasing the person's investment in alternatives. Reframing the situation to exclude alternatives. Closing off concerns, for example using objection-handling techniques. Hurting the person when they see alternatives so you can then rescue them with your proposition. Trivializing those things that might count against our argument. Framing yourself as an authority so you can criticize and trivialize non-supporting elements. Forced choice A way of biasing options when offering or discussing a choice is to both amplify the choice you want the other person to make and to attenuate the choices that you do not want them to make. A managed truth Amplification and attenuation need not include deliberate lying, but they do manipulate the truth, hence the famous phrase about a politician being 'Economical with the truth'. So what? So first identify those things that support your argument and also those things that detract from it. Then find ways of amplifying the good points and attenuating the bad points. Aim to keep them both truthful and subtle - as with all methods, if the other person feels you are being less than honest they will not trust you or your arguments.
Appeal Principle Principle You appeal to my values and basic drivers. I cannot resist. How it works - Values as rules Our values and other rules give strong direction to our behavior. Although we may sometimes break our values, social norms, morals and ethics, when we know others will know that. If we do not follow values, we will feel shame. Just the anticipated feeling of shame is enough to force us to comply, especially if a person is making a direct appeal to our values. This is the appeal often used by charities. "You know it's right to help the elderly and infirm.“ Role appeal Transactional Analysis describes how we may use our 'child' ego state to appeal to the other person's 'adult' state. "Oh please, Ma, do buy me that new dress!". We may also appeal to the to other person at any TA level. We can even do child-to-child wicked appeals. "Hey, let's have some fun!!" You can also appeal to their role. Appeal to a manager for a decision. Appeal to an engineer for an explanation. If people are wearing a suit, they will act as if they are the suit. Appeal to needs, greed and addictions "Hey, would you like some chocolate?" Appealing to things that people can't resist is usually a certainty. "Would you like to have a million dollars? Now?“ So what? Appeal to their better nature. Appeal to common values of decency. Talk to the child in them. Or the parent. Or even the rational adult. Appeal to their dark secrets. Whisper that nobody will know.
Arousal Principle Principle When I am aroused I am fully engaged and hence more likely to pay attention. When my emotions are stimulated, my ability to make rational decisions is reduced, making me easier to influence. How it works Arousal occurs when the mind spots something that is important, often as a threat to basic needs although it can also be something that could help us achieve our goals. Physiology of arousal Arousal is a physical state which can range from a gentle increase in interest to full-on fight-or-flight reaction, where the whole biology of the body is changed. Think of a time when you were aroused by something. You probably experienced bodily sensations of some kind. There may have been a powerful tingling shooting up your spine. You might have had a hot flash rushing up your neck and around your face. Your toes or fingers may have twitched.
Arousal Principle cont’d Emotional arousal When needs or goals are affected, either by threat or opportunity, we become emotionally engaged. When emotionally aroused, our rationality reduces, making us more likely to make rash decisions. Hence emotionally aroused people are more open to carefully-placed persuasive methods. Ready for action When a person is aroused, their whole body is poised for action and they are very easy to tip into doing things, possibly with relatively little thought about the consequences. Think about the motivating speeches of leaders. Consider the threats of competitors. Remember when you were last in an ebaY auction. When you were aroused, you were ready to act at a moment's notice. So what? If you want somebody to act quickly, wind them up with direct or indirect threats or other immediate things that lead to them to a heightened state of arousal. Beware in doing this that you do not wind them up so much they go in the opposite direction. To manage your own arousal and those you seek to help, consider building aspects of Emotional Intelligence.
Association Principle Principle I mentally connect things together, and then automatically follow the links I have made. How it works - The connected brain One of the fundamental ways in which our minds work is to link things together. If I say 'elephant' your mind will immediately start thinking 'what's that like?', charging off on a butterfly series of associations, for example leaping to 'circus', 'clown', 'fool', 'king' and so on. If, however, I can control how you associate, I can lead you in any direction I choose. The trick of this is to follow the natural tendencies of the mind, leading you along the rutted paths that already groove your thinking. Association is, to some extent at least, the opposite of the contrast principle. Instead of highlighting something by showing you something else which is different, it is about seducing you through things which are similar, or related in some way. Emotional association Emotions are very often associated with events, and the strength of the emotion is what makes that even significant in our memories. Emotional memories come to mind more easily and so continue to occupy our attention. Phobias happen this way. I see a spider as a child, I am terrified. Now, whenever I even hear the word 'spider', I feel fear. This association of emotion with words and events is accentuated if others feel emotion at the same time. If my mother was also scared of the spider (or maybe was the first to feel fear), then the phobia will only be made stronger.
Association Principle Short-cuts Association provides handy short-cuts for thinking. Brands take advantage of this. See Coca Cola -- think 'refreshing drink'. Hmm. A connected society As a species, we have found it advantageous to live in groups where we can share the tasks of living. However, this comes at a price: to be accepted, we have to obey the social rules. It also leads to non-stop competition within the pecking order as we seek a mate, esteem and power. Even when we stand next to someone we do not know, we feel connected in some way. If they are famous or powerful, we feel a reflected glory. If they are socially undesirable, we feel tainted and will ignore them or move away. So what? So connect things. Connect people with their needs and wants. Connect what you want with what they want. Connect what is already accepted with what you want to be accepted. You can connect in time, starting with things with which they cannot disagree, and following immediately with things of which you want to persuade them. One of the most powerful things you can do is to connect personally -- from them to you. They will then follow you. You can get them to connect visually, for example making yourself look powerful and attractive. You can connect emotionally, getting them into a buying frame of mind before presenting what you have to sell.
Assumption Principle Principle If you act as if something were true, I may well believe you. How it works If I act as if something is true, then other people around me have two choices. They can either assume I am lying or then can assume I am telling (or acting) the truth. Generally, we are credible, assume people are telling the truth unless we have already decided that we distrust them. Associated with this we have beliefs in the trustworthy nature of other people. Thus a decision that the other person is lying would cause us uncomfortable tension so we assume they are telling the truth. It is also the principle used in change management where an effective leader 'has a vision and then inhabits it until it comes true'. Assumption is a part of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, where your belief in something leads to it coming true. Not magically, but through the conscious and subconscious actions in which you consequently engage. So what? Act 'as if' what you want was true. If the other person challenges it or acts confused, be concerned for them. The 'assumptive close' in selling assumes the other person already wants to buy, so you say something like 'Do you want the yellow one or the red one?'
Attention Principle Principle Before I hear what you say, I need to be paying full attention. How it works The one thing we all have the same amount of is time, and changing someone else's mind means first getting a slice of their attention. You can do this in positive and negative ways by showing opportunities or threats to the other person's needs or goals. Opportunity Intrigue plays an important part here, hinting at the possibility of gains. By showing the other person something that leads to them associating with their needs and goals, they will be attracted to pay more attention. Threat Threat creates fear by attacking needs. Something that is perceived as a threat will also grab attention, especially if it is a 'clear and present danger'. This can be easy to create, but the problem, of course, is that it can put the other person into Fight-or-Flightmode. Also, it can create future distrust and giving you even less attention if it turns out to be a false alarm. Threats must thus be real and not manufactured by you. A classic threat generation is to point out something that is already there that the other person has not noticed.
Attention Principle cont’d… Sensory contrast At the basic sensory level, attention may be gained by sudden changes, such as sudden noises or flashes of light. What is particularly important here is the change. The senses are good at detecting contrasting differences, which can be used to make things stand out and hence gain attention. So what? First figure out what attention you need and then decide on the most effective way of getting it. Beware of tricking them to grab attention, because you'll get even less next time--perhaps when you need it even more.
Authority Principle Principle If a policeman came up to you in the street and told you to move out of the street as there was a parade starting, would you go? What if the policeman said you fitted the description of someone who was wanted for burglary, and that you should go with them to clear this up, would you go? In fact most people would obey unquestioningly, which is a fact well known by confidence tricksters. We see the uniform and never dream to question the possibility that the policeman may not, in fact, be a policeman. The double bind of authority is that not only are we compelled to obey it, but we are not even permitted to challenge it. This makes it a very powerful persuasion principle. Hierarchies of control Basic conditioning From a very young age, we are trained to obey. First our parents (and by default all adults), then teachers, policemen, managers and so on. Eventually it defaults to anyone who seems to be our superior. We thus divide the world into those who are superior to us (and who are thus to be obeyed) and those who are inferior (and who should obey us). We then make the critical error of equating superiority with authority.
Authority Principle cont’d… Control and trust The basic pact between parents and children, policemen and citizens, managers and employees is one of trustand control. We all have a need for a sense of control, which can be gained in two ways: We can either control things ourselves or we can trust someone else to provide the control for us. One implicit message of authority is thus 'Don't worry--everything is under control'. The reciprocal agreement There is a reciprocal agreement in situations of authority that happens in two ways. In a coercive sense, a suppressed threat to use force leads us to give control. In the nurturing sense, we promise the rewards of love. Either way, obedience is gained through a promise of future action.
Authority Principle cont’d Indicators of authority How do we know when someone else is in a position of authority? Other than known people like parents and managers, here are some deliberate cues set up to remind us of who is in charge. Uniforms Uniforms are very overt symbols of authority. They show membership of and allegiance to specific groups. Mostly, we associate uniforms with police and military forces. We also stretch the authority-acceptance to water inspectors, security guards, postmen and more. What the uniform covertly says is, 'I belong to a big and well-organized group. If you don't do as I say, I'll get all my other friends to come and beat you up!'. What does your suit say about you?! Wealth We assume that if someone is wealthy, then they are successful, and if they are more successful than us, then they must somehow be superior to us. We hurry to help and obey those who seem richer than us, perhaps also in the hope that some of their wealth will fall our way. Power Symbols of power are used to attract people (join my gang and I'll protect you) or bully people (join my gang or I'll hurt you). Symbols can include weapons, wealth and the trappings of a recognized position. Leaders and senior members of organizations all use symbols to remind other people of their positional power, from stripes on a sergeant's arm to the size of an executive office.
Authority Principle cont’d Physical attributes A taller, stronger person could hurt us, and our evolutionary programming tells us to generally play safe. We will thus tend to yield to such people, even though our social rules protect us from physical harm in most situations. It is a fact that more top jobs in companies are taken by taller people. Taller men and taller women are seen by most of us as being more authoritative. There is also a reciprocal effect: we will perceive people in authority to be taller than they really are. Thus we talk about someone who is 'Walking tall'. Attitude If you act like you're in charge, many people will not challenge you. You will be protected by the double bind whereby they feel unable to challenge you, just in case you are in charge So what? Borrow the symbols of authority that already exist. Dress smartly. Drive an executive car. Talk like you are in charge. You can also leverage vested authority, for example pointing out how those in authority have given you their blessing. The reverse of this is to gain time by pointing out that you do not have authority to decide now and need to consult your superiors or other the members of your team. A double reverse is to build up the sense of authority of the other person so they have no excuse not to decide here and now.
Bonding Principle Principle I will do what my friends ask of me. How it works As social animals, we build friendships with other people. And a part of friendship is helping one another without having to negotiate an exchange at every turn, partly because we know that over time, the exchange and social capital will balance itself out. Bonding also happens with parents and siblings - 'Blood is thicker than water' is a common saying. It can also happen with family substitutes including employers and other organizations and institutions that we join. Emotional bonding One of the effects of becoming friends is a very human process of bonding, whereby we feel an emotional connection with the other person, such that our identities are connected together. In such a situation, with connected identities, if I do something for myself, I am also doing it for the other person, and vice versa. Variable bonds Emotional bonds vary. We have family, we have close friends and we have general acquaintances, and the degree to which we will help them varies accordingly. So what? Make friends with the other person. Build emotional bonds. Find things in common. Thus when you ask them to do something for you, they will feel as if they are doing it for themselves.
Closure Principle Principle We seek closure as release from tension. How it works Closure is the resolution of tension One of the characterizing factors about tension is that when we experience it, we will drive towards its resolution. When we are threatened, we will seek the closure of safety. When we are watching an exciting crime film, we find satisfaction in the closure of knowing 'who dunnit'. In buying, looking at something I want builds the tension of wanting. Completing the purchase creates the pleasure of closure. Even death can be a welcome closure, as condemned people and the terminally ill well know. Anticipation of closure creates pleasure A pleasure of tension is in the anticipation of closure. A roller-coaster is a series of tensions as you clank up the slope, anticipating the drop the other side. As you reach the summit there is a relief at having reached the edge, followed instantly by 'will I survive' tension as you plummet over the edge, with closure of relief as you reach the other end safely. When shopping, we thus enjoy the pleasure of anticipated completion of the purchase. Any closure can help any tension When someone makes me tense by shouting or disobeying me, there are more ways of resolving this tension other than direct interaction with them. Slamming the door helps. So does driving fast and chopping wood. It's almost like we create other tension and subsequent closure in order to try and snag the broader closure. Closure closes the doors of the past. Closure is a literal event in more than one way. When we experience closure, we close the doors on the confusion of the past. Closed doors let you focus on the future. They let you decide quickly in the future. Closed doors are also hard to open again.
Closure Principle cont’d Two types of closure: aha and yes Closure happens in two places during a person's thinking. First, when you understand, and meaning is created, you close the doors on any further pondering of what your experience means. Legend has it that Archimedes, when asked to determine the value of the Syracuse king's crown, went for a bath to think. As he sunk into the waters, he noticed the water spilling over the edge of the bath and suddenly realized how use this to calculate the volume of the crown. This was the point of closure, the aha moment, the point of realization. He then ran down the street, naked, shouting 'Eureka' (I have found it). Two types of closure: aha and yes Closure happens in two places during a person's thinking. First, when you understand, and meaning is created, you close the doors on any further pondering of what your experience means. Legend has it that Archimedes, when asked to determine the value of the Syracuse king's crown, went for a bath to think. As he sunk into the waters, he noticed the water spilling over the edge of the bath and suddenly realized how use this to calculate the volume of the crown. This was the point of closure, the aha moment, the point of realization. He then ran down the street, naked, shouting 'Eureka' (I have found it). Secondly, closure happens when you complete a decision, such as when you say 'yes' to the request from another person. Again, it closes off further cognitive effort and resolves associated tensions. Closure is the brain's way of saying thank you When you achieve closure, your brain gives you a nice squirt of serotonin from your own private supply of this natural opiate. This is its way of telling your that we are doing the right thing. You feel good, of course.
Closure Principle cont’d Closure can be addictive Closure is so nice, we will even seek tension in order to experience the pleasure of closure. Children are naughty to get the closure of attention. Unhealthy habits from over-eating to excessive sunbathing are all driven by the search for closure. A classic closure-seeking pattern is the drama triangle where, for example, one child experiences closure of persecution when they hurt a sibling, while the sibling feels closure of being rescued by a parent. The rescuer can also get closure in the rewards of moral superiority. Such behavioral games are played out endlessly in families, workplaces and public places. Addicts find closure in using the needle, even when they are in a reasonable state of mind and they know how bad they are going to feel later. So what? Closing is a sales specialty and nightmare, which highlights the problem for many -- after all the effort of persuasion, at some time you have to ask for the sale and risk the pain of rejection. The trick in closing is to find the right time, when the person is sufficiently wound up that all you need to do is tip the scales and they fall easily into the closure of agreeing with you and buying what you are selling, whether it is a tractor or their salvation. If you build tension in another person, they will seek closure. This is a core principle in persuasion.
Completion Principle Principle We seek to complete that which is incomplete. How it works Certainty and uncertainty When something is certain and known then we feel comfortable and in control. When something is not complete, we cannot close that item in our mind as we have to keep thinking about it. This maintenance activity adds effort and leads to predictions that might give us cause for concern. This is the basis for the need for completion, and we will hence seek to close off things that we do so we can forget them and move on to the next item of interest. Sentences which are not The title above probably creates a bit of irritation or tension in you as you wonder what the end of the sentence should be. If you start a sentence and leave the rest undone (even for a few moments, other people will guest what the completed sentence might be. In this way, you can lead their thoughts. The 'completer-finisher' Some people have a particular need for completion and in teams will be the person who makes sure all jobs are done (often doing the jobs themselves). Meredith Belbin identified such a position in his Team Roles. People who compulsively tidy up are also acting as completer-finishers as they see untidiness as a step before the completion of tidiness. Note that this also implies that there are some people who are not completer-finishers and who will happily start something but will be unlikely to see things through to the end.
Completion Principle cont’d The Zeigarnik Effect Russian psychologist BlumaZeigarnik found that waiters remembered orders only as long as the order was in the process of being served. This extends into the Zeigarnik Effect, whereby we keep thinking about those things about which we have not achieved closure. So what? So leave things for people to complete. Start a sentence and see if they will complete it for you -- if they do, you have put the other person into the complete-finisher position. This can be a powerful tool in changing minds. Even if they do not verbally complete the sentence, they will do so in their minds. Watch their body language for signs of what they might be thinking. Likewise you can use completion in physical tasks. Start something and give it to another to complete. Give rewards for completion, particularly if you have no completer-finishers who will end the job for you.
Confusion Principle Principle A drowning person will clutch at a straw. So push them under water then offer a straw. How it works Losing control One of the deep needs we have is to be able to understand the world around us. If we understand, then we can predict what will happen and hence control our environment and stay safe. When we cannot make sense of our experiences, we feel confused and scared and seek a way of getting out of the cognitive deep water in which we find ourselves. Unexpected surprise When we predict we then set up expectation. When the expectation does not meet what was predicted, we are surprised and confused and have to stop to figure out what is going on. Sends you inside What is the sound of one hand clapping? What is the sound of a tree falling in the forest when nobody is there? What is the point of such meaningless Zen sayings? The clue is in the deeper intent of Zen, where a A major goal is to find enlightenment. The confusing koans are designed specifically to send you inside, making you think so hard about what they mean that you forget yourself, and consequently find nirvana. Confusion can send you so far inside and so deep that it puts you into a trance. As you struggle to find a meaning where none exists, the assumption that an answer must exist sends you on an ever-deepening spiral. Confusion is a method that is, perhaps unsurprisingly, used by hypnotists as a method of hypnotic induction.
Confusion Principle cont’d Clutching at straws Increasing stress leads to a point when we go from seeking the best solution to the problem at hand to seeking a solution just to reduce the stress. Confusion is used in many persuasion techniques as a way of destabilizing the other person. Just as a drowning man will clutch at a straw, so also will a confused person grab at any idea you offer them in the hope that it will help them crawl out the sea of confusion in which they are wallowing. So what? The most common way of confusing someone is simply to overload them. Just keep giving them things until they crack. It is especially effective if what you are saying is of interested and makes them think and want to respond. Overload is multiplied when what is being communicated is complex or difficult to understand. This effectively shortens the time to the point where the other person becomes overloaded and needs to stop and process the information given to them. There are many written and unwritten rules of conversation and interpersonal communication. People expect you to follow those rules. If you break them, they will quickly become confused.
Consistency Principle Principle I like to keep consistent what I think, say and do, and will change to ensure this is so. How it works The same thought, word and deed If I say I am a nice person and then act unpleasantly towards others, then I am breaking the law of consistency. This will, of course, not endear me to other people who might socially ostracize me for my transgressions. The effect is even more powerful when I think about myself, to the point where I will change my rationalization of the situation or even my self-perception so everything lines up and makes sense again (at least to me). This can have strange effects, for example where people who bet on horses increase their estimation of a horse's chance of winning after they have placed bet on it. It is also an important principle for persuasion. Social pressure When words and actions disagree, people will assume that a person's intentions are more closely aligned with what they do rather than what they say. An effect of this is that when I act inconsistently with my declarations, other people will see me as being untrustworthy, and hence will at best not believe me in future, and at worst will reject me as worthy of their attention. This creates significant external pressures that will cause us to be careful about aligning our words and our actions.
Consistency Principle cont’d Self-image We judge ourselves in the same way that we judge others. In fact our judgment is more harsh, as we intimately know our intent, beliefs and value behind our thoughts and actions. When the map and the territory differ, we thus need to change something so they line up again. Rationalization When our actions differ from our beliefs or values, we need to explain this to ourselves. As we do not really want to change our beliefs or values, our first move is to seek external reasons for the different. For example, if we have hurt someone, rather than accept ourselves as being unkind, we will rationalize our behavior. Thus the enemies are de-humanized and we tell ourselves that our victims were asking for the punishments we meted out to them. Another common rationalization is to claim that we were forced to act as we did. This is one of the uses of having someone else as an authority we can blame. Inner change If there is insufficient evidence to give a rational external explanation, we are forced to change on the inside. We can thus be led to change even deeply held beliefs and values. This is why coercion and many persuasion techniques either fail or fail to make permanent changes to the target person. If you want them to really change, then you must let them do it 'all by themselves.‘
Consistency Principle cont’d Feeling it The effect of inconsistency is to create feelings of tension. This then provides the motivating force that propels people into action. The greater the inconsistency, the greater the tension and the greater the motivation. Other words that describe feelings associated with inconsistency include: confusion, uncertainty, dissonance, denial and irritation. On the other hand, consistency feels calm, smooth, right, valid and even. So what Get people to speak and act outside their normal belief boundaries, preferably in a public way. Then encourages them to change their beliefs to be consistent with their actions. This is how Brainwashing works. Make it easy for them to do. Charities who get you to sign petitions know that petitions seldom have a significant effect. The real effect is on you, as you now will have to strengthen your belief in the charity's cause in order to support your putting your name (a significant symbol of your identity) on the line. When getting them to act, do it such that they break their beliefs a little bit at a time, otherwise they will rationalize their actions, blaming the situation (or you!).
Contrast Principle cont’d Principle We notice difference between things, not absolute measures. How it works When we make judgments, evaluating how good a dress or person is, we don't make absolute judgments. The way we judge pretty much anything is in comparison with something else. When we say someone is smart or talkative, we actually mean they are smarter or more talkative than other people. (Note the '-er' at the end of the adjective and the 'more' -- these are sure signs of contrastive words). Perceptual contrast Put your left hand in a bowl of cold water and your right in hot water. Leave them there for a while, then plunge both together into a bowl of lukewarm water. Surprise! The left feels hot whilst the right will feel cold. This is the principle of Perceptual Contrasts by which our senses work. Put light next to dark and it seems lighter. A stale smell will seem worse after a sweet smell. The same effect also applies to more our complex cognitive constructions. Shortlists We are not good at selecting from a large group as there are too many contrasts to make. When faced with many candidates for a job or many possible suits to purchase, we will rapidly simplify the decision by breaking things down to a very short shortlist. Pair-wise comparison Although we can select from a group of things, we compare best when we have only two things from which to select. In fact one of the reasons that we do reduce choices to a shortlist is that we have less pairs to compare. Even then, we will break things down further, comparing the top two or three, one against another.
Contrast Principle cont’d Comparing with prototypes and stereotypes A prototype is an idealized stereotypes. Sometime the standard against which we judge other things is a prototype that we have constructed. Thus when house-hunting we will compare each residence against a non-existent prototype which has four bedrooms, a large kitchen, etc. Prototypes, like Frankenstein's monster, are often made up of all the best bits from a wide range of experiences. Thus our prototype house might have our cousin's kitchen, a friend's bathroom and so on. Comparing with what is available If two women are standing side by side, a man will evaluate one against the other, as the other woman is more immediately available than a recalled prototype. Women, of course, will do the same. In fact we all will tend to use whatever comparators are most available to us at the time of judgment. In our usual lazy mental manner, we are more likely to use the comparator that is easiest to access than one which may be more appropriate. Thus given an unattractive person and an average-looking person, we will judge the average person to be more attractive than if we saw them alone. Comparing against other people When evaluating ourselves, the main comparator is other people. We decide how happy, beautiful and so on we are by comparing ourselves with others. In particular we tend to look to peers and people who are 'like us' to compare ourselves against. Thus rich people compare against other rich people (and often feel quite poor as a result!). People for whom being intelligent is important will compare themselves with other clever folks. A result of this is that being rich, powerful, clever and so on is no predictor of happiness. We may strive for success, but if we change our comparators along the way, we will not seem to have achieved that much.
Contrast Principle cont’d So what Contrast is an important principle by which we make decisions. So to persuade something, we can leverage this by paying attention to these comparisons. Sales tricks Sales people should use the contrast effect by showing a poor quality product alongside the one that they want the customer to buy. They might also show you a wonderful product that is way beyond your reach. When you compare your ideal purchase with this, you are then likely to re-evaluate it upwards. Then when you look at a range of products, you will chose higher up the scale than you might otherwise have done. They will also sell you add-ons. For example when you buy an expensive car, the optional extras seem very cheap in comparison. Control the comparator The overall trick is in controlling the comparator. Once you have identified the decisions that you want them to make, identify the comparator that they may use and then work to replace it with your comparator. You can make it more available. You can stretch their envelope by making it better or worse than expected. You can also change the priorities, for example getting them to compare first quality instead of cost.
Daring Principle Principle If you dare me to do something, I daren't not do it. How it works Daring triggers basic drives to prove oneself, especially to one's peers and even more so to attractive members of the opposite sex. Testosterone rules A common factor through many species is the competition between males - often with the prize of first choice from the females.Actual fighting is generally a bad idea as even if you win you can get seriously hurt. A way of winning without fighting is a display of courage. The effective message to other males is 'if we have to fight, I will not give in easily'. Women compete and fight too and can be remarkably courageous, especially in the defense of family and close friends, but the evolutionary drives of men towards open risk-taking are much greater.
Daring Principle cont’d The dynamics of dares Dares are often used in groups of young men to challenge one another to perform dangerous feats. Although these can involve physical danger, they are more often than not social in nature and sometimes enable valuable learning, for example where a boy is dared to ask out a girl. The psychology of the dare is that the dared person is caught in a double bind. They have the choice of either accepting the dare or appearing as a coward and suffering a social lowering in status. Faced with such a choice, many people accept the dare, attracted as much by the potential kudos as the fear of ridicule. Some people find great pleasure in the thrill that dares create, and saying "I dare you..." to them is like waving a red rag at a bull.Dares can take many forms and can be very subtle. The only qualification is that the target feels impelled to act. You can have group dares ('Now who can do this?'), reverse dares ('I wouldn't if I were you') and more. So what? First, assess their preferences and act accordingly. For example: For contrarians, imply that they cannot do something. Use a straight dare with risk-seekers. Ensure that extraverts have an audience.
Deception Principle Principle Alter the other person's perception by tricks, untruths and other forms of deception. How it works In order to live with one another, most people largely trust other people for most of the time. This lays them open to untruths, illusions and downright lies. The golden rule of deception is management of the other person's perception such that they do not know any deception is happening. Telling lies Lies are very difficult to tell face-to-face, as much communication is through body language and voice tone. The results of such lying is that the other person receives a mixed message and may well detect the deception. To successfully tell lies, you need first to be able to lie to yourself. If you totally believe what you are saying, then you will be able to tell any lie with complete conviction. This is how actors are able to successfully assimilate other characters and draw you into the story plot. Economy with the truth A variant of lying which is not really lying is to tell the truth but leave out those things that are inconvenient. The result is that the overall message is some way from the whole truth and may persuade people to do things they would not do if they knew everything.
Deception Principle cont’d Elaborate deception More elaborate deceptions can be used that include factors such as: Collaborative lying: many people telling the same story. Manipulating evidence: changing what people see/experience. Confidence tricks: highly elaborate deceptions. So what? Be very careful with deception: if the other person finds out then they may well act in a betrayed manner, taking revenge on you in ways that far outweigh the damage you have done with your deception.
Dependence Principle Principle If you are dependent on me, I can use this as a lever to persuade you. How it works When people work together, each is more or less dependent on the other. This is the classic division of labor and the basis of our tribal and capitalist systems, with each person investing in one skill which is then shared for the common good. A common pattern found in persuasive situations is an imbalanced dependence, where person A is more dependent on person B than vice versa. Person B can use this imbalance as a lever to persuade person A. Person B's power may even be expressed as the difference between A's and B's dependence. This imbalance can lead to many forms of coercion, such as blackmail. It can also lead to forms of worship (such as pop fans fawning on their idols) and desperate attempts of the more dependent person to persuade the more powerful one. This imbalance can also lead to anger, betrayal and revenge, as the dependent person seeks to redress the balance.
Dependence Principle cont’d Desired dependence We start life as dependents, initially as helpless babies and later as children, learning so we can free ourselves from our mother's apron strings. But that early and comfortable existence continues to call us and many of us spend our lives trying to recreate those infant feelings of dependent safety. A symptom of this is the way that groups of people will almost always end up with one leader and many happily-dependent followers. Power Dependence is created when one person has more power than another. In particular control of knowledge and access to rare resources can lead to a queue of people lined up outside your door. So what? Build your knowledge and skills. Acquire control and other forms off power. This can also be used to free yourself from hazardous dependencies.
Distraction Principle Principle If I distract your attention, I can then slip around your guard. How it works Because we have limited attention, if something attracts that attention it means we are not paying attention in another area. Distracting away from the bad news. Sometimes distraction is to get away from what is not wanted. A way distraction is used in buying and selling is where the focus of the conversation is on, for example, the power or attractiveness of the car, which may distract the buyer away from reliability issues. Procrastination is also a form of self-distraction, where I move yourself away from things I do not want to do, to a more 'important' distraction. Distracting toward the good news Distraction can also be towards things which are good, attracting people for example with things that meet their needs (as opposed to threatening their needs). Making the real idea easy When distracting with something of interest, you can then slip in something that is easy for the other person to accept. Thus someone buying a car might focus hard on safety factors (as a distraction) and then ask casually 'insurance is included, of course?‘ Hypnotic suggestion Distraction is often used in hypnotherapy, where the hypnotherapist talks about some triviality with the client or otherwise gets their conscious mind engaged in some problem (the confusion principle can be used this way) whilst they put the real message through to the subconscious mind. This principle of suggestion can be used without deep trance and in ordinary conversation. By emphasizing key words, you can give two meanings at once: the apparent meaning and the subtle meaning.
Distraction Principle cont’d Pickpockets, illusionists, martial artists and generals Distraction is used in all sorts of places. A classic physical method is used by pickpockets, where they will apply sharp pressure to one part of your body, thus distracting your (very localized) attention whilst slipping another gentle hand into your pocket. Illusionists do the same visually, providing movement and color where they want you to look, whilst palming the coin or doing the real business with the other hand. Even martial artists do it -- well, at least in the softer arts, such as Tai Chi and Aikido. Like the pickpockets, they apply sharper pressure at one point to make you resist, and then move you where they want with a gentle palm. The harder arts, like Karate and Kung Fu will deliberately distract you for a moment, such as with a noisy foot-stamp or sudden movement to your face, whilst speeding through with the real power punch. Generals know this principle too: there are many classic military strategies based on distraction. For example, throw a force at a weak point, making the other side rush troops to the rescue, then you apply your main force to the point they have just abandoned. The principles are all the same. Distract you by using the basic rules of sensation, whilst simultaneously and gently slipping past your guard. So what? Notice what people are interested in and where their attention goes, and then use this to distract towards or away from things as necessary. Make the distractions really interesting by focusing them on needs and goals.
Evidence Principle Principle I cannot deny what I see with my own eyes. How it works In our interactions with others, we often disagree and know that they will try to persuade us. If you tell me something, I can easily deny it, effectively saying that you are either mistaken or a liar. Evidence, however, comes from outside the other person, which means we cannot attribute it to their person, and must judge it independently. Evidence is particularly powerful for disconfirmation and destroying beliefs. If I find out about my partner cheating on me, all faith and trust are instantly destroyed. Such a change can cause a significant emotional response. Uncertainty Evidence is particularly important when we are uncertain. In these situations we go into an 'evidence-seeking' mode, where everything is questioned. This is used in social situations when we do not know what to do we often look at other people to see what they are doing. Modeling If I want you to behave in some way, then if I act that way, I am providing you with social evidence. This is used by leaders, from wartime ministers displaying faith and courage to business leaders who embody new values and working practices. Legal evidence The legal system makes great use of evidence, testing each item and determining if there is a good case. It is played out in a court where hard evidence is the major player, and opinions, even of experts, are of secondary importance. Disconfirmation is critical and one strong piece evidence can swing an entire case.
Evidence Principle cont’d • Strength • Evidence can be weak or strong and its credibility may depend on its source and medium. If the evidence can be doubted or ignored then it will have less strength. Increasing evidence that aliens have landed might thus be: • A person asserting they have seen them • A newspaper report on the landing • Photos in the newspaper • A national radio broadcast • A broadcast by an acknowledged expert • TV footage of spacecraft • TV footage of the aliens • TV interviews with the aliens • Meeting the aliens • Going with them back to Mars • Scientific evidence • Science, even more than legislation, is based on objective and measurable evidence. A hypothesis is put forward to explain a phenomenon and then both confirming and disconfirming evidence is sought in a wide range of situations (thus showing where the theory does and does not work). • So what? • Gather evidence both for your argument and against other arguments. Seek objective evidence that cannot be denied. Look for things that will shake the other person's beliefs. • Deploy the evidence carefully and to a planned strategy. For example, you can use a full-frontal assault, battering them into submission with a powerful stream of incontrovertible evidence. You may also plan a longer campaign of attrition, wearing them down with doubt and systematic destruction of their arguments.
Exchange Principle Principle if I do something for you, then you are obliged to do something for me. How it Works Have you ever had someone come up to you in the street and give you something, perhaps a flower or even a book? How kind. But then they ask for a donation to their cause, and you feel that as they have given something to you, then you really ought to give something back. Value exchange Exchange is a game of balance. I help you then you help me then I help you, and so on. What we exchange is not so much distinct things as perceived value. If I have something that I do not value very highly but you do, then it is a useful thing for exchange. Exchanges are not necessarily financial or physical in nature. Emotional exchanges, which we use a great deal of the time, can be of surprising value. When I take my daughter to a pop concert, a smile and a hug is more than adequate payment. A simple thanks is all many want for much of their hard work on behalf of others. Trust = delayed exchange A simple definition of trust is 'delayed exchange'. I will do something for you today without asking for something in return. I must thus trust that you will repay the favor some time in the future. Without trust, exchange is confined either to an immediate exchange or else a trusted third party must be utilized. Third party 'trust brokers' are more common than might be imagined. For example, a major function of banks, lawyers and friends are to act between us and others who we may not trust.
Exchange Principle cont’d Social pressure Breaking the exchange principle in a group can be a heinous crime, punishable by ostracizing or even expulsion. The fear of such penalties is more than enough to keep many people on the straight and narrow. The bank account Exchange is something like a bank account. Sometimes I put things in, sometimes I take things out. I can thus invest in helping others today so I know I can call on them in my hour of need. Social capital The idea of social capital is that when there is a high level of trust within a social group (which can be a large as an entire country), then we will help people we do not know, in the confident knowledge that others who we do not know will also help us. It is like we all have one big joint bank account. We may need some help with the trust thing in such situations. What if someone takes advantage and asks for too much? This is where laws, trusted brokers and so on start to creep into the picture. The golden rule The biblical Golden Rule says 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.' Oh look: exchange. And social balance. Although others might not like the same as us, it is a simple rule which guides many decisions in an equitable fashion. Upsetting the balance Exchange rules are based on long-term relationships, where the balance of exchange evens out over time. However, we are programmed by these rules to the point where we will obey them even in shorter-term and low-trust exchanges.
Exchange Principle cont’d Give and take If I give you something, then there is a social rule that says I can ask you for pretty much anything in exchange. Cults use this when they demand absolute obedience (and all the worldly wealth) of their devotees. One of the tricks of unbalancing exchange is to make what you are offering very desirable, for example by using scarcity or other principles to jack up the value. Number vs. quantity If I do three things for you and you do something of equivalent value all in one go, does that make us even? Unfortunately not. The equations of exchange are not that linear. We often confuse quantity of occurrences with quantity of time. So what Companies and shops will give you free samples, which then encourages you to buy the full product in return. Leaders will grant favors to their followers. These can be small strokes of attention in payment for what may be significant efforts. By giving out their attention in many, small packets, they can create a remarkable imbalance, yet still have their followers loving them unquestioningly. If you don't have enough Christmas cards, try sending cards to total strangers. A surprising number will send you one back (and even add you to their regular Christmas list). Politics is rife with 'logrolling' and the exchange of favors. It is one reason why laws can get strangely convoluted as modifications to suit just a single person get woven into the wording. A variation of this is used by sales people who make cold calls and (naturally) get rejected. After the rejection, they can ask to be recommended to someone else. They can then leverage the liking principle by saying to the next person 'John said that you would be really interested...'.
Experience Principle Principle I cannot deny what I experience for myself. I hear and I know. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. – Confucius How it works We create our understanding of the world first from our experiences and this remains the most effective and convincing way we learn. Multi-sensory Experiences start with the senses, and the more we sense, the richer our experience. Bakers and Coffee-shops know this well when they fill the air with delicious smells and sights of the product. Comfortable chairs, homely surroundings and friendly service all add to the sensory experience. Multi-experience One experience, although potentially powerful, may well be insufficient to persuade us, and we will seek confirmation through repeated experiences. Experience and belief We do not have time to experience everything, so much of our understanding comes from assumptions and belief of what others tell us. The most powerful way of changing those beliefs is to give the other person experiences that clearly contradict the target belief. So what? Create repeated, multi-sensory experience that eliminates limiting beliefs and consistently and powerfully demonstrates your case.
Fragmentation Principle Principle Divide and conquer. Smaller parts are easier to understand and agree. How it works When faced with a large task, we manage it by breaking it down into manageable parts and then dealing with one part at a time. We have bounded rationality and can handle only so much at a time. This principle can be used to help both you, the persuader, and also your target, the person being persuaded. The question has been asked: how do you eat an elephant. The answer is, of course, 'one bite at a time'. Divide and conquer Divide what is being sold into smaller items and sell one piece at a time. Divide the other side up into people you can talk with one at a time. Chop up the work that you have to do so you can manage it in bite-sized pieces. So what? Break down persuading just like you break down a problem into manageable parts.
Framing Principle Principle Meaning depends on context. So control the context. How it works We create meaning not just through the main part of what we hear and see, but also those element that surround it. By changing the surroundings, the meaning of the main topic is also changed. However, people are usually focused on the main topic, which enables the frame to be used as a subtle form of persuasion. Thus, for example, a gun in a museum cabinet has a different meaning to a gun being pointed at you by a nervous burglar. Argument framing When you are arguing for or against something, you may frame your argument by giving broad detail about other contributory factors before making your major point. The persuasiveness of the argument can easily be affected more by the frame than the core point. For example, if I want to persuade a friend to come out for a drink with me, I might start by talking about a new bar down town where there are some very attractive people, or I might frame the drink in terms of the meal we will have at the same time.
Framing Principle cont’d Physical framing The physical frame of a persuasion is typically where you are when you are doing the persuading. Thus asking someone to marry you is more likely to be successful in a romantic setting, such as on a beach at sunset, rather than somewhere more mundane, such as on a bus. Reframing Re-framing is persuasion by changing the frame that the other person is using. If you ask an employee to do some additional work and they complain about being alone, you might point out that the boss goes home late and seeing the person there working alone will give them extra credibility. So what? Think hard about the framing of your persuasive arguments. Just giving the core content may well not be enough. Also consider the effects of the physical setting. Turn the other person's arguments back on them, reframing their objections into benefits.
Harmony Principle Principle Go with the flow to build trust and create subtle shifts. How it works We like and hence trust people who we believe are like us and who like us. When we trust them, we are then more easily persuaded. We are also more persuaded when they do not knock our arguments. Don't fight City Hall. Go with the flow. Roll with the punches. There are many sayings that illustrate the point. NOTE: Harmony does not mean that you must agree with them at all costs. It is not about passivity or concession. First get trust If I do not trust you, then I will not be persuaded by anything you say. If, however you appear trustworthy, then I will listen. When you harmonize with me then I feel you are like me and hence are trustworthy and that you arguments are worth considering. Create exchange Harmonizing with you effectively sets up exchange. If you are nice to me, I feel that I must now be nice to you. Perhaps by agreeing with you in some way.
Harmony Principle cont’d Martial harmony Harmonizing is an ancient principle, used in soft martial arts such as Tai Chi and Aikido. Physically, it means moving with the other person, which makes it very difficult for them push you, let alone land a punch. When you have achieved this, you can then subtly move them to where you want them to be. A Tai Chi saying is 'It only takes one ounce to move a force of thousand pounds'. This is true when you consider the movement vectors of the situation. A force moves in one direction only, and can be deflected by any other force acting at right angles to it. Thus if the thousand-pound force is going North, the one-ounce force applied to the West will move the big force off its trajectory. Not by much, but a miss is as good as a mile. So what? Rather than argue against them, find ways of agreeing with them that does not compromise what you want them to think. Rather than fighting their arguments, include them in your case.
