Show and Tell

1. Show and Tell

2. 4 Steps • Be Powerful • Be Specific • Use Figurative Language • Use Sensory Detail

3. Step 1: Be Powerful Replace weak verbs with strong ones. • Examples: is, was, were, go, went, do, does, did Example: • Notice the weak verbs: • How could we make it better? • Show how Barbara was mean and a jerk • Barbara was a jerk. She was mean to everyone. • Every word Barbara spoke was full of venom and her devil eyes could make any 7th grader cry.

4. Example from Stargirl • The Mica students went into the gym. It was loud. Stargirl wore a white sweater with a green M on it. The cheerleaders were cheering loudly.

5. Example from Stargirl • “From the moment the Mica mob entered the gym, our cheers rattled the rafters. The big green M on Stargirl’s white sweater flounced as she spun and leaped with the other cheerleaders” (Spinelli 69).

6. Time to practice … • Rewrite this passage with your elbow partner – use vivid verbs Stan was mad so he went to the driveway to shoot some hoops. He got Phil to play with him. When it was time for Phil to go home, Stan was better.

7. Time to Apply • Highlight all WEAK VERBS on your draft. • is, am, was, were, are, go, went, do, does, did, got, gets, get, had, has, have ... • Choose FIVE sentences to rewrite. • Don’t just replace the verb; how can you rewrite the sentence to make it active?

8. Step 2: Be Specific Be Specific • Example: • Ask Questions to clarify what you mean: • What were you playing? • Which tree? • Who was your brother? • Which friend? • Where were you in the tree? • Why were you trying to spit on them? • We were playing at the neighbor’s house across the street and I decided to climb a tree to try and spit on my little brother who was playing with his friend below. I lost my balance and fell.

9. Example from Stargirl • We walked past stores and businesses. We walked on a road out of town by the mountains. It was hot.

10. Example from Stargirl • “We passed the car wash and the bike shop. We passed the country club golf course, the biggest spread of green grass until the next golf course in the next town. We passed the ‘Welcome to Mica’ sign. We were walking westward. There was us and the highway and the desert and the sun blazing above the Maricopa Mountains” (Spinelli 17).

11. Example from Stargirl • He stalled by eating his lunch. He took his time chewing. He sipped his drink. • “He stalled by taking a bite of tuna salad sandwich. He took his time chewing. He drank orangeade from a straw” (Spinelli 96).

12. Time to practice … • Rewrite this passage with your elbow partner – be specific! The boy got out of the pool and put on his clothes. He grabbed a drink from the snack bar and waited for his mom. When he saw the car approaching, he grabbed his stuff and waved to his friends. He asked his mom if they could stop at the store on the way to their house.

13. Time to Apply • Underline EIGHT non-specific words in your draft • Store, game, food, person, shirt, shoes, • Replace these words with a more specific term • Target, Minecraft, roasted duck, Mildred Watson, tank-top, cowboy boots

14. Step 3: Figurative Language • We wanted to win. • Setting and character descriptions can sometimes be boring • Attempt similes, metaphors and other figurative devices to SHOW your reader instead of TELLING • We had never even made it to the districts, but now visions of championships danced in our heads.

15. Examples from Stargirl The mountains were purple. Vs. “The purple of the mountains flowed like watercolor” (Spinelli 103).

16. Examples from Stargirl She spoke naturally. Vs. “… the speech was not a speech at all, but one creature’s voice in the wild, as natural as a raven’s caw or a coyote’s howl at midnight” (Spinelli 106).

17. Examples from Stargirl We tried to figure her out, but she was mysterious. Vs. “She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl … We tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew” (Spinelli 15).

18. Examples from Stargirl I went to her homeroom. I was nervous. Vs. “After school my feet carried me toward her homeroom. I was trembling. My stomach had flies” (Spinelli 77).

19. Time to practice … • Turn this into a simile: She was happy. • Turn this into a metaphor: They clapped. • Turn this into personification: It was hot. • Turn this into hyperbole: I was hungry.

20. Time to Apply • Find THREE sentences in your writing where you are describing setting or character. Underline these sentences. • Replace these sentences with figurative language

21. Step 4: Sensory Details • Make your reader feel like he or she is in the scene. • What do you hear? • What do you see? • What do you smell? • What do you taste? • What do you touch?

22. Examples from Stargirl • “I was aware of stepping over a line, of taking one step into territory new to me. It was a territory of peace, of silence. I had never experienced such utter silence before, such stillness. The commotion within me went on, but at a lower volume, as if someone had turned down my dial ... While I never did totally lose awareness of myself, I believe I did, so to speak, lose Cinnamon. I no longer felt his pulse, his presence, in my hands” (Spinelli 94).

23. Examples from Stargirl • “I introduced her to strawberry-banana smoothies. I borrowed the pickup and drove us to Red Rock and Glendale. On weekends we went to Archie’s. On his back porch, we talked of a thousand things and laughed and swooned in pipesmoke and ate pizza ... I loved weekends” (Spinelli 126).

24. Time to Apply • Find THREE sentences in your writing that could benefit from sensory detail. • Add sights, smells, sounds, tastes, and “feels” ...

25. Yay! You made it to the end!