Chapter 7 Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships

1. Chapter 7Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships

2. What Is Love? • Difficult to define • special attitude with behavioral and emotional components • different things to different people • difficult to measure

3. What Is Love? (cont.) • Rubin's "love scale" • 3 components • attachment • caring • intimacy

4. Types of Love • Passionate love (infatuation) • intense psychological feelings • generalized physiological arousal, strong sexual desire • avoid conflict, feelings of completeness • short-lived

5. Types of Love (cont.) • Companionate love • less intense • friendly affection & deep attachment • familiarity & tolerance for short-comings • more enduring than passionate love

6. Types of Love (cont.) • Sternberg's triangular theory • 3 components • passion • intimacy • commitment

7. Types of Love (cont.) Fig. 7.1 Sternberg’s love triangle: (passion, intimacy and commitment) and the various kinds of love as reflected in different combinations of the three components. Note: Nonlove is the absence of all three components.

8. Types of Love (cont.) • Sternberg's triangular theory • passion builds then fades • intimacy & commitment continue to build • variations in components yield different kinds of love • intimacy alone = friendship • passion alone = infatuation • commitment alone = empty love

9. Types of Love (cont.) Fig. 7.2 Sternberg theorizes that the passion component of love peaks early in a relationship and then declines, whereas the other two components, intimacy and commitment, continue to build gradually over time.

10. Types of Love (cont.) • Lee's styles of loving • romantic (eros) • game-playing (ludus) • possessive (mania) • compassionate (storge) • altruistic (agape) • pragmatic (pragma)

11. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom • The chemistry of love • neurotransmitters • norepinephrine • dopamine • phenylethylamine (PEA) • oxytocin • endorphins • loss and neurotransmitter withdrawal

12. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) • Proximity • mere exposure effect • familiarity breeds predictability  greater comfort • greater proximity often reflects shared interests

13. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) • Similarity • level of physical attractiveness • age, educational status and religion • race and ethnicity • Why? • share similar interests & activities • communicate better • confirm own views & experiences • supportive of values & beliefs

14. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) Fig. 7.5 Noncohabitational Sexual Partnerships by Race and Sex

15. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) • Reciprocity • when someone shows they like us, we tend to like them back • increases self-esteem • increases likelihood of relationship enduring

16. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) • Physical attractiveness • "what's beautiful is good" belief • status by association • most important in early stages • may be an indice of physical health • heterosexual males place greater value

17. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) • Sociobiology- behavior explained by evolutionary needs (Buss) • men attracted to young attractive females to maximize reproductive success • women attracted to older, established men to maximize their reproductive success

18. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.) Fig. 7.3 How willing would you be to marry someone who….

19. The Development of Intimacy • Self-love • genuine interest, concern, respect for self • prerequisite for a satisfying relationship with others

20. Love and Styles of Attachment • Attachment; intense emotional tie • Attachment style (Ainsworth) • secure attachment • insecure attachment • anxious-ambivalent attachment • Attachment styles in adulthood

21. The Development of Intimacy (cont.) • The phases of a relationship • inclusion: an invitation to relate • response: agreeing to relate • care: concern for other's welfare • trust: support and care for each other • affection: warmth & attachment; desire • playfulness: delight in each other • genitality: decision to engage in sex

22. Issues in Loving Relationships • Relationship between love & sex • several possibilities • questions to ask • does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship? • do men & women have different views of sex & love?

23. Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.) • Does sexual orientation affect views of sex & love? • homosexual men more likely to separate love from sex; lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established • falling in love with a same sex person often helps in gay or lesbian identity

24. Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.) • Sex & relationships on your terms • sexual expression is an individual decision • steps to take • knowing and asking for what you want • friendships without sex • saying "not yet" to sex • ending a relationship • managing rejection

25. Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.) • Jealousy in relationships • Jealousy-prone person • low self-esteem • high value on wealth and popularity • Negative consequences • precipitates partner violence • stifles relationship development • raises anxiety, depression, anger • Sex differences

26. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.) • Ingredients in lasting love relationship • self-acceptance • appreciation of each other's qualities • commitment • good communication, realistic expectations and shared interests • ability to face & deal with conflict

27. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.) • Characteristics of high quality relationships • Supportive communication • Companionship • Sexual expression and variety • Seeing partner as best friend • Maintaining frequent positive interaction

28. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.) • Individual and relationship growth • growth and change maintain relationship • overcome obstacles • view problems as challenges • negotiate and renegotiate wants • accept each other as unique

29. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.) • Sexual Variety • communication is critical • be spontaneous • plan for intimate time • don't worry about frequency "standards"