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Warm-up PLEASE LISTEN! When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don’t talk or do—just hear me. • Have you ever felt like this? Explain how it makes you feel when someone won’t listen.
Table Talk • People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care? Think about a situation when someone didn’t take the time to understand or listen to you. Were you open to what they had to say?
Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Communication Simulation • Complete Activity
W Five Poor Listening Skills • Spacing Out • Pretend Listening • Selective Listening • Word Listening • Self-centered Listening
W Genuine Listening • Three ways to be a genuine listener • First, listen with your eyes, heart, and ears • Second, stand in their shoes • Third, practice mirroring
W Practice Mirroring • Mirroring is not • Judging • Giving advice • Mimicking
Communicating with parents • Take time to understand your parents- they have pressures and bad days too just like you. • You can better understand them by asking them questions. • How was your day today? • What do you like/dislike about your job? • Is there anything I can do to help around the house?
Then Seek to be Understood • The number one fear that I read about was a fear of public speaking. • It takes courage to understand someone, then to speak up and be understood. • You don’t want to be the doormat, so express your opinion in an appropriate manner. • Unexpressed feelings get buried and come alive later in ugly ways.
Send “I” Messages • Say “I’m concerned that you have a temper problem” • I feel you that you’ve been acting selfishly • Don’t send “You” messages- they are more threatening • You are so self-centered • You have a terrible temper
POST-IT! • “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ― Stephen R. Covey • Think back before this lesson and rate your listening skills. 1 2 3 4 5 (5 being the highest) • Now that we have discussed habit 5, how will you change your listening skills?