Coaching Students through Difficult Conversations

1. Coaching Students through Difficult Conversations April 3, 2019

2. Cindy Kothbauer Academic Advisor - NWTC Cynthia.Kothbauer@nwtc.edu John Grant Dean of Student Development John.grant@nwtc.edu

3. What’s our Frame for Today? • What is coaching? • Introduction to the CLEAR framework • Practice coaching a frustrated student • Navigating student escalation • Let’s summarize

4. What is Coaching? • Desire for meaningful interactions • How its integrated throughout NWTC • Structuring student conversations

5. You Can Have Instant Impact! Regardless of role, you can: • Thank the customer • Normalize the issue • Teach growth mindset • Be transparent

6. What is the CLEAR Framework? Confirm Legitimize Evaluate Respond • Allows the student to speak honestly and feel heard • Creates space to identify the root of the objection • Provides opportunity for students to assess and potentially solve the problem • Makes the most of your expertise as an student advocate

7. CONFIRM - “I hear you” • It is critical to acknowledge what they have expressed • Confirm what the student has shared by stating back the concern • Confirm your confirmation: “Is that your main concern right now?”

8. LEGITIMIZE - “That’s valid” • Be sure to legitimize a student’s frustration • This skill is easily forgotten in the heat of the moment, but so important • Provide transparency through role clarification. Why do you want more information? • Set expectations that you will be asking further questions to fully understand • This also gives you permission to be inquisitive and bolsters your credibility • Think about how “narrating” can be helpful with a student

9. EVALUATE - “I want to fully understand…” First listen to understand the full scope of the student’s situation • It is critical to remain neutral with your tone and questions to ensure the student does not feel judged CLEAR’s purpose is to allow you to understand and engage a student’s objections - You will spend the majority of your time in evaluation Use transparency and assessment to listen deep and dig deep to find the root of the objection • What factors has the student not yet considered?

10. RESPOND • Summarize the discussion and determine the next steps • Recommend resource/action or prompt the student to identify their own plan • Point out the original student’s objection and clarify where things have shifted • “Does that seem like a good next step for now? • Assess and change course as needed based on student’s responses and your own intuition.  

11. LET’S PRACTICE CONFIRM, LEGITIMIZE, EVALUATE, RESPOND • The “student” will present an objection, and the “advisor” will practices these parts: • Clarifying your role • Confirming • Legitimizing • Reflection: Did anyone hear language they could use in the future? Where did you feel stuck?

12. What if the Student only Gets Angrier?

13. Be Observant and Aware of… • A person clenching their fists or tightening their jaw • A sudden change in body language or tone • A person starting to pace or fidget • The “Rooster Stance” – Chest protruding out and arms away from the body • Disruptive behaviors – Such as yelling, bullying, actively defying or refusing to comply with rules

14. Practice De-escalation Techniques • Start from a place of calm • Respect personal space • Use empathy • Let them tell their story • Be aware of your non-verbal/body language • Avoid challenging questions • Allow time for reflection and decisions • Set limits

15. When All Else Fails • If de-escalation is not working, stop! • If the situation feels unsafe, leave and call for help. • Most importantly, have a plan to protect yourself • Be sure to document everything as accurately as you can • Work with your college BIT team to ensure they are prepared to respond

16. Questions?