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Strengths. Manage time effectively Put in efforts for researching on the involved company (Good tactic of relating to UOB's latest operation in VN) Generally understand the sponsor’s position Effectively capture reader’s attention by utilizing the usage of bullets
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Strengths • Manage time effectively • Put in efforts for researching on the involved company (Good tactic of relating to UOB's latest operation in VN) • Generally understand the sponsor’s position • Effectively capture reader’s attention by utilizing the usage of bullets • Substantial listing of benefits to UOB, variety of appeals wisely used
Room for improvement • Objective: request for a meeting with UOB representatives • the letter has not mentioned this objective (ask for sponsorship instead) • Lack of persuasiveness • Some points need specifying Eg: previous Vietnamese events, Vietnamese firms participating in the event etc
Room for improvement • Not fully address readers’ concerns (even when taking into consideration misunderstanding of the required task) • Lack of details and sense of tactfulness regarding needs for sponsorship (awkward wording: “our request includes) • A number of grammatical and choice of words mistakes • Presentation: lack of signature, unjustified
Recommendation • Could improve by drawing on successful experience in liaising with other banks/ companies. • Should also provide further details of how VNNTU is well-prepared to collaborate and satisfy UOB's requirements, if any