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“Forgiving the Unforgivable”

“Forgiving the Unforgivable”. One Survivor’s Journey to Peace. Bonnie Bazill-Davis, BA Speak Out Services, LLC “Delivering Life-Saving Messages” www.speakoutservices.com. Helpful Guidelines.

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“Forgiving the Unforgivable”

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  1. “Forgiving the Unforgivable” One Survivor’s Journey to Peace Bonnie Bazill-Davis, BA Speak Out Services, LLC “Delivering Life-Saving Messages” www.speakoutservices.com

  2. Helpful Guidelines To honor our time together and help keep us focused, please limit the use of the chat area for two purposes: • If you have a specific question about the section being presented (we will stop for questions/comments at the end of each section) • If you are in need of immediate emotional support

  3. Agenda • A Walk in My Shoes • Defining Forgiveness • Healing the Rage and Grief • When Joy Surpasses the Pain • Closure and Peace with My Primary Offender • Moving On to Make a Difference

  4. A Walk in My Shoes “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” Lao Tzu

  5. The Baby Shoes

  6. The Teenage Shoes Who remembers these?

  7. The Running Shoes Running in a new direction – to face the pain

  8. Questions or Comments?

  9. Defining Forgiveness “What does it mean to forgive?”

  10. Defining Forgiveness Early Recovery Definition: (Age 23 – 30ish) • Forgiveness is weak • Life is “win or lose” and to forgive allows the offender to win • Justified anger ruled my life, but interrupted my relationships Late Recovery Definition: (Age 30ish to Rooster Era) • Forgiveness is freedom from bitterness and hatred • Offenders always and forever remain accountable

  11. How Do YouDefine Forgiveness? If you would like to participate, please share your current definition of forgiveness on the whiteboard. However you define it, it is the right definition for you today.

  12. Questions or Comments?

  13. The Day Forgiveness Became Possible

  14. Healing the Rage and Grief “Who understands this pain?”

  15. Healing the Rage She’s gonna blow!

  16. Healing the Rage • Focusing the anger • Empty-chair work • Eventual confrontation • Safe physical expression of anger • Rules: I don’t hurt myself or anybody else • Bat, mat, and punching bag work

  17. Under the VolcanoHealing the Grief • Who understands this level of pain and reality? • Knowledge of the true human capacity for evil • Knowledge that bad things are happening in daily life (not just in wars, genocide, etc.) • Personal loss of the family I thought I had • Where do you go with this pain? • Support from other survivors became critical • No place to publicly grieve, no acknowledgement from the general public

  18. My AnswerHolocaust Studies • Helpful Books • “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl (1946) Over 10 million copies sold worldwide • “The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness” (new edition 1998) by Simon Weisenthal • Holocaust Memorials - Visiting Yad Vashem in Israel • Visiting Dachau Memorial in Germany • Attending local temples for memorial services

  19. The Moment My Pain Found Meaning From an unlikely source…

  20. Questions or Comments?

  21. When Joy Surpasses the Pain The Scale Finally Tipped

  22. When Joy Surpasses Pain • My “scale” of joy and pain always felt tilted on the side of pain • Despite all my efforts and healing, I always felt my scale was off balance Until…

  23. The Baby Shoes My teacher of love entered my world! The Power of New Shoes!

  24. My Next Teacher… My daughter mirrored my innocence

  25. When Joy Surpasses Pain • Now I have lived longer outside an abusive environment than I have lived within one • Maturity, the joy of my family, and the ability to be a loving parent has given me renewed perspective

  26. Questions or Comments?

  27. Closure and Peace with My Primary Offender Coming Full Circle

  28. My Father’s Terminal Illness • Struggling to forgive him before his death • Terminal illness created a change in power in our relationship • Lack of apology was a major roadblock

  29. My Miracle The Might of Apology

  30. Acceptance of My Father • Period of compete separation (7 years) had given me strength to stand strong in my truth and confront • My father made some positive changes as he faced death • I was able to see that he was both a man who did some good for me, and a man who did harm to me

  31. Questions or Comments?

  32. Moving on to Make a Difference The Pain Was Not in Vain!

  33. Finding My Voice and Gift • Answering the questions • Who am I? • How can I use this for good? • Beginning to speak out publicly • Developing confidence (still working on this one!) • Finding my niche audiences • TOTAL JOY!!!

  34. Would I Take a Magic Wand and Change My Past? NO - I would change what happened to others, but not my path. I live to speak out!!

  35. Questions or Comments?

  36. Thank you!! Many Blessings on Your Journey to Peace

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