Understanding Conflict and Resolving Disputes: Perspectives and Strategies

1. Mitigating Conflict and Understanding Perspectives in Dispute Resolution Marc Johnson, Undergraduate Ombudsperson Brent Epperson, Graduate Ombudsperson Remonia Stoddart-Morrison, Graduate Ombuds Intern Office of the Student Ombuds University of Alberta Office of the Student Ombuds2-702 Students’ Union Building

2. The psychology of conflict – why do we become positional? Our feelings are based on norms, values, beliefs, and ideologies that we wish to uphold (culture/gender/age/social class, etc.); We sometimes get “locked in” our feelings without recognizing the psychology of conflict; As our feelings escalate, we may move from criticizing the action to criticizing the person; Our selective perception of that person may lock us into stereotyping him/her; As we focus only on these perceptions of the person, we may feel entrapped by his/her behaviour; We become more positional and see this as an issue of honour/ saving face; We move into a stalemate, and only when we get tired of this state, will we move to resolution (Rubin 1994);

3. Conflicts are often not about facts or reality but perceptions The perceived injury is problematized and named as a conflict. The injury/conflict is blamed on someone. The injured party claims that the alleged offending party should be either punished or compensate them (Rubin 1994)

5. Shifting from positions to interests Positions— Staying locked in to our position often escalates conflicts. For instance: “I refuse to work with Alysha anymore on group research projects.”“If I don’t get this scholarship, I will make sure Jordan doesn’t either.” In both example statements, the two parties in conflict have positions that cannot be met without the other party losing. We call this a “win/lose” situation. Or, if the party will fight no matter what the outcome (in order to ensure mutual loss) it is a “lose/lose” outcome. Interests: Thinking in terms of interests offers ways to move forward together out of a conflict. For example: “I believe that hard work should be rewarded with new job incentives.”“I expect that if we communicate respectfully, we can work better together.” These are “win/win” propositions. Once we identify these underlying interests, we can explore to find common ground. Example: “We both want to get ahead and will work on building trust and respect by setting common deadlines for this next project” (Fisher and Ury, 1983)

6. Communication Matters

7. Communication Matters

8. Micro-skills in communication (Part 1) What are some valuable “micro-skills” in communication? Active Listening—be genuine and receptive; i.e., be in the moment, be present, listen attentively; Wait to answer until you have made sure you are asking the right question, maybe even paraphrasing the situation and employing clarifying questions before providing an answer; Honour your interlocutor and his/her situation (this builds respect and trust); If it feels awkward at first, try practicing skills at lab meetings/department training (Lebaron, 1994; Mayer, 1994).

9. Micro-skills in communication (Part 2) Listening Skills Reflectingfeeling– examine the feeling behind the behaviour and body language; by examining the feeling, you do not label or stereotype the person – e.g. “you appear to be frustrated; can you tell me what you’re thinking about _________ so we can talk through it?”rather than “you seem like a difficult person to work with;” Paraphrasing – reflect the content and show you have listened to their concern and understood it correctly – Instead of: “your study habits must be worse than your friends;”you might say: “you say that you study a lot more than your friends but get lower grades…is that what I am hearing?”(Lebaron, 1994; Mayer, 1994).

10. Micro-skills in communication (Part 3) Summarizing Summarize – Like an extra-large paraphrase. It gives more information and is useful if you get stuck and want to make sure you are getting it right. For instance, if a graduate student says to a professor or a fellow graduate student “I don’t think my grades are fair for all the work I do. My friends work less and get better grades;” then the professor or graduate student colleague may reply: “So you are saying that you would like to get higher grades like your friends, and you would like to have more results from your studying;”or perhaps“you would like to find new ways to study more effectively for the results you want to achieve” (Lebaron, 1994; Mayer, 1994).

11. Micro-skills in communication (Part 4) Questioning Skills Probing – Ask several open-ended questions about what the student is saying to gain more information. How much studying? How often? Practicing Immediacy – Address their body language by stating what you see and asking about it. This is a“snapshot” of what is going on, one free from assumptions. You are continually looking away and sighing, I am wondering what is happening for you? Clarifying – Remove the ambiguity and incorrect assumptions; give context to the wording. Can you explain what you mean by studying too hard? (Lebaron, 1994; Mayer, 1994).

12. The Art of Reframing Reframing helps us to move to positive problem solving. This skill involves taking something that is said using negative language and restating it with positive language. It focuses on what is important and valued by the person. It can be direct, rhetorical, or metaphorical (Lebaron, 1994; Mayer, 1994). Direct reframe – If a student says: “This university sucks. I get paid peanuts to slave away in a lab, and there are no research jobs to go to when I’m done. My supervisor never helps me. I think I’m going to quit.” You could reframe it as: “It sounds like it’s important to you that your work be recognized, that you get fair pay, and that you have support and mentorship to find a job in your field.”

13. Some challenging personalities that graduate students and faculty may encounter in dialogue (Part 1): the know-it-alls… A student may say: “I already knowhow to write a literature review!” His/her underlying motivations could be: Over confidence (expert beyond competence): I read it somewhere, therefore I know it; Reliance on friends: My friend told me (and I trust my friend knows how to write literature reviews); Challenge of the rules: I know what’s expected, but I want to write it my way instead; Embarrassment: I don’t want my supervisor or other graduate students to think I don’t know how to do it; Avoidance: If I wait, the professor will leave me alone and I can learn on my own later; Misunderstanding: What did the professor mean? Literature reviews were not done this way in my undergraduate program;

14. How to handle know-it-all-ism: Avoid being defensive, authoritarian, threatening or setting up barriers – e.g. Listen to me; I am the expert/I’ve been here longer; You are wasting my time; You will ruin your academic career if you don’t follow my advice; etc. Instead, try responses that connect or dig deeper– e.g. Can you tell me why, how, what _____; I understand you want _____; I can see that your education is very important to you; Working through assignment expectations can be challenging, and sometimes they do not seem to make sense, so let’s look at this one together, etc.

15. Some challenging personalities that graduate students and faculty may encounter in dialogue (part 2): the deniers of responsibility… A student may say: “I’ve done nothing wrong and no one will listen to me!” How to handle responsibility deniers: Avoid admonishing – e.g. Blaming everyone else will get you nowhere; You don’t want to accept responsibility for your actions; You are the problem, not everyone else, etc. Instead, encourage critical self-reflection – e.g. What role do you see yourself playing in this situation? If you were in the Faculty’s shoes, and this was another student, what would you do to uphold the value of the degree?

16. Some challenging personalities that graduate students and faculty may encounter in dialogue (part 3): the injured-by-perception… A student may say: “They said that I have to meet ALL the requirements for the candidacy exam and there are no extensions, not even for me!” How to handle the injured-by-perception: Avoid being dismissive or condescending – e.g. It’s policy, no discussion; Why can’t you understand that no extensions means no extensions?; If you had worked harder, you would have been ready for it; There is no way to side-step the candidacy requirement.

17. How to handle the injured-by-perception (part 3 continued): Instead, help the student see the policy and/or their case differently – e.g. It may seem unfair to you at first, but let’s examine the reasons why this requirement is in place; Let’s look around to see if we can connect you to support resources on campus to help you meet the deadline.

18. Some final thoughts Beyond the stubborn presence of know-it-all-ism, denial of responsibility, and injury-by-perception, many of us encounter (1) students facing personal crises; (2) victims of discrimination and harassment; (3) students in very unique circumstances who might fall through the cracks without help. Remember to: Keep an open mind as you evaluate what others say critically; Keep your own perceptions in check and don’t let your experience blind you to new or unusual student situations; Most importantly (in the words of Kurt Vonnegut): “There’s only one rule I know of, babies – God damn it, you’ve got to be kind” (God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater, 1965).

19. Scenarios to Practice Building Skills 1. Jake is a PhD student working with a supervisor whose focus is the same area as Jake’s thesis, so he decided to use the information collected on behalf of his supervisor for his thesis as well. His supervisor, however, is proposing a new direction for his thesis and wants him to do additional work to accommodate this. Jake cannot understand the need to change his thesis as the information he has already collected can be used for his initial topic. Additionally, the work he had been doing with his supervisor was strenuous and was affecting him physically and mentally. Jake decides to speak to his supervisor through email: “In the beginning, you indicated that the work you were doing was similar to my interest and that is why you accepted to be my supervisor. But now that I have done so much, you are telling me to change from my initial thesis topic. That is unfair to me because I don’t see why I have to change from my previous research plan, which we agreed on before. I am comfortable developing my initial topic and using the information that I have collected. You have also given me so much to do that it has drained me physically and mentally and now you are telling me to do a new topic. You are not being fair to me as you have not asked anyone else on the team to change or do as much as I have been asked to do.”  He received a response from his supervisor stating that what she is asking him to do is the best way forward thus she will not be facilitating any changes. Break in groups of 2 – 4 and discuss ways Jake could have reframed his concerns to his supervisor in order to encourage dialogue regarding these concerns.

20. Scenarios to Practice Building Skills (Continued) Imagine Tina (know-it-all) is a graduate student colleague in another program who has come to you to express frustrations. How would you respond? Break into small groups of 2 – 4; try to create a dialogue using some of the micro-skills and build a healthy conversation to uncover the underlying interests (and perhaps help Tina to see her situation differently…). 2. Tina. I-see-you’re-working-but-can-I-come-in-because-I-need-your-help-ok-great-thanks. So the thing is, none of my profs seem to understand that I have a lotof knowledge when it comes to literature reviews and research methods. They’re wasting my time by making me come to first-year classes when I should be working on my research. I should tell you that I already have a graduate degree from Awesome University, and I am older and have way more life experience than the students in my program. In fact, I could probably teach the other students in my cohort. So, I should probably not even have to go to these classes with these kids, but the profs keep getting annoyed with me for missing class. I don’t know why I can’t get people here to understand that I’m an exceptional student who does not need to attend every class. I am only registered for these courses because I have to take them to get the degree. How can I get the attendance policy waived? I would really like to get these profs off my back about showing up to their seminars. What do I do?

21. Sources Fisher, Roger and William Ury. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In.” New York: Penguin Books, 1983. Lebaron, Duryea. “Conflict Analysis and Resolution as Education.” In Dispute Resolution: Readings and Case Studies. Edited by Julie Macfarlane. Toronto: Edmond Montgomery Publications, 2003. - - - “Conflict Analysis and Resolution as Education: Culturally Sensitive Processes for Conflict Resolution.” In Dispute Resolution: Readings and Case Studies. Edited by Julie Macfarlane. Toronto: Edmond Montgomery Publications, 2003. Mayer, Bernard “The Dynamics of Conflict Resolution.” In Dispute Resolution: Readings and Case Studies. Edited by Julie Macfarlane. Toronto: Edmond Montgomery Publications, 2003. Rubin, Jeffrey. “Conflict from a Psychological Perspective.” In Negotiation: Strategies for Mutual Gain. New York: Sage Publications, 1993. Vonnegut, Kurt. God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater. Or, Pearls Before Swine. New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston, 1965.

22. Office Contact Information Office of the Student Ombuds 2-702 Students’ Union Building University of Alberta (780)492-4689 ombuds@ualberta.ca www.ombudservice.ualberta.ca/ Office of the Student Ombuds2-702 Students’Union Building

23. My Contact Information Office of the Student Ombuds2-702 Students’ Union Building