Responsible Parenting and Parenting Styles

1. Responsible Parenting and Parenting Styles By Mrs. Tess Leones Bukal Life Care & Counseling Center

2. Ephesians 6:4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. And you, fathers, do not irritate your children, but bring them up tenderly with true Christian training and advice

3. Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go,and when he is old he will not depart from it. Point your kids in the right direction--when they’re old they won’t be lost

4. Children are God’s Gifts, and He says, Bring Them Up In Nurture and Christian Discipline.

5. Nurture: Parental Warmth… The degree to which parents are accepting, responsive, and compassionate with their children.

6. Parental Warmth Spectrum ------------------------------------------------------------------ Parents high | Parents who | Parents who In warmth | show little | show no warmth warmth at all HIGH WARMTH IS RECOMMENDED

7. Christian Discipline: Parental Control… The degree to which parents set limits and enforce rules.

8. Parental Control Spectrum ------------------------------------------------------------------ Parents with | Moderate degree | Very little High degree | of control | or no control of control at all MODERATE DEGREE OF CONTROL IS RECOMMENDED

9. It has been found out that when parenting is high in warmth, children show better social and academic skills. They are loving, and respectful to their parents and other people.

10. Numerous studies have shown that children who received little or no warmth at all become more aggressive and perform poorly in school.

11. Likewise, children who were raised by parents with high degree of parental control, as well as low control, show depression, more prone to drug use and delinquency. Parents low in control are either lax, permissive, or uninvolved with their children.

12. Needs of Children Children have needs. Sometimes they can be divided into “lower” needs and “higher” needs… or physical and psychological needs.

13. Physical (Lower) Needs A Few of these include: • Food • Water • Clothes • Shelter

14. Higher (Psychological) Needs • Love • Esteem • Sense of Belonging • Independence • Communication

15. Love Languages Children have different sensory access modes. Some auditory, others visual, others kinesthetic. Therefore, they have to be accessed through their preferred sense modality.

16. Love Languages Dr. Chapman has identified 5 Love languages • 1. Physical touch • 2. Words of affirmation • 3. Quality time • 4. Gifts • 5. Acts of service

17. Communication Good communication is both verbal and non-verbal Communication should be two-way, not just one way (“commander-in-chief” or judge) Should be reflective

18. Parenting Styles Parents develop their own parenting style that is unique to their particular personality and their own beliefs about how children should be raised. We are influenced by how we were raised (incorporating methods or doing the opposite).

19. Parenting styles have been found to predict a child’s well-being in the area of social competence, academic performance and psycho-social development.

20. There are 4 Basic Parenting Styles These styles are based on two elements: 1. Expression of Parental Warmth (Love) 2. Expression of Parental Control

21. 4 Parenting Styles • Authoritarian Parents • Permissive Parents • Authoritative Parents • Rejecting/Neglecting Parents

22. Authoritarian Parents Excessive Control Minimal Warmth

23. Authoritarian Parents • highly demanding. • expect their orders to be followed without explanation. • no negotiation allowed • obedience centered (Commander-in-chief) • disciplinary methods tend to be harsh and punitive • the parent-child relationship is fearful and distant

24. Children of Authoritarian Parents • tend to be fearful, anxious • have higher level of depression • rebellious/defiant toward authority figures • relies too much on authority for decisions • lower self-esteem; feels trapped and angry but afraid to confront his parents • he may perform well in school, but the achievement is more to meet the parent’s high expectations.

25. Permissive Parents These parents have little control. They may be “indulgent” or “indifferent”.

26. Indulgent Permissive Parents • Are overprotective • Submit to their children’s whims and demands • Cannot say no to their children.

27. Indifferent Permissive Parents • Are negligent • Uninvolved in their children’s lives • Often inconsistent in setting standards of behavior.

28. Children of Permissive Parents • Are often self-centered. • Are used to getting their own way • Are low in social responsibility • Display immature and regressive behaviors and may grow up to be infantile adults. • Lack self-disciple and have little respect for others.

29. Children of Permissive Parents They are more likely to have behavioral problems, perform less well in school and feel unloved. Because they feel unloved or uncared for, they usually attach themselves to peers who similarly lack discipline.

30. Authoritative Parents Balance of parental control and parental warmth.

31. Authoritative Parents • Warm and firm enforcing of standards of behavior • Encouraging/affirming • Provides children with autonomy with moderate limits • Use disciplinary methods that are supportive rather than punitive • There is a clear communication between parent and child, and the lines of communication go both ways

32. Children of Authoritative Parents • Performs better in school • Is less hostile and has greater self-esteem • Shows more purpose and independence in their activities • Is more self-reliant and more socially competent. • Has positive coping skills • Has clear understanding of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors

33. Neglecting/Rejecting Parents These parents have low warmth. • rejecting parents are harsh and actively reject their children • neglecting parents ignore their children

34. Neglecting/Rejecting Parents They fail to fulfill their responsibilities as parents; they may not be committed to the task of raising children; they may be depressed or emotionally unavailable to their children.

35. Children of Neglecting/Rejecting Parents • show higher rates of delinquency, drug use and early sexual activity. • perform poorly in school • show disruptions in peer relations as well as cognitive development.

36. Children of Neglecting/Rejecting Parents • show higher rates of delinquency, drug use and early sexual activity. • perform poorly in school • show disruptions in peer relations as well as cognitive development.

37. To My Grown Up SonsBy Alice E. Chase My hands were busy through the day I did not have time to play The little games you asked me to. I did not have much time for you. I’d wash your clothes, I’d sew and cook But when you’d bring your picture book and ask me please to share your fun, I’d say “A little later, son.”

38. I’d touch you in all safe at night and hear your prayers, Turn out the light then tip toe softly to the door, I wish I’d stay a minute more, for life is short The years rush past A little boy grows up so fast No longer is he at your side His precious secrets to confide The picture books are put away

39. There are no more games to play No good night kiss, no prayers to hear That all belong to yesteryear. My hands once busy, now lie still The days are long and hard to fill. Oh I wish I might go back to do The little things you asked me to.