Contact and family communication in foster care, kinship care, and adoption

1. Contact and family communication in foster care, kinship care, and adoption Montserrat FargasMalet Institute of Child Care Research Queen’s University Belfast

2. The Care Pathways and Outcomes Study • Longitudinal study following a population of children who were under 5 and in care in Northern Ireland on 31/03/2000 (n=374). • Phase 3: Interviews with 75 families (the children and their parents or carers) representing 5 placement types: adoption, foster care, kinship care, residence order, and living with birth parents. Conducted between March 2009-January 2010 • Quantitative and qualitative instruments were used. Range of issues were explored: attachment, behaviour, education, etc.

3. In this presentation… • 3 types of placements: foster care, kinship care and adoption • Two perspectives: the children and their adoptive parents, foster and kinship carers • Gathered through semi-structured interviews. For the children, used an activity book (‘The Me Book’) • Two main issues: contact with birth families; and family communication about birth families/adoption • Use of the concept of ambiguous loss

4. Research participants • 15foster children and their foster carers; • 10 children in kinship care and their carers, and one additional kinship carer of two children (12 cases); • 18 adopted children and their adoptive parents: • 9 of the children adopted by previous foster carers; • 9 of the children adopted by planned approved adopters

5. Types of contact with birth families • The majority of children (69%; 31 of 45) had face-to-face contact with at least one birth relative: • 93% of the foster children (14) • 75% of the children in kinship care (9) • 44% of the adopted children (67% / 6 of those adopted by previous carers vs. 22% / 2 of those adopted by strangers) • Only 9 had post-box contact (4 in kinship care; 3 adopted & 2 in foster care); and 8 had phone contact (5 in foster care).

6. Face-to-face contact arrangements • Most children in foster care having contact with parent/s had regular infrequent contact (n=7), while all the children in kinship care that had contact with parent/s had regular frequent contact. • Most children in kinship care having contact with sibling/s had regular frequent contact (n=6), while most children adopted by previous carers (n=3) and in foster care (n=5) having contact with sibling/s had regular infrequent contact.

7. Children’s reactions to contact He didn’t understand, and was crying after mammy. … But he’s grand now. If he sees her, he sees her, and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t. He’s got to this stage now, that he doesn’t care. BOY IN KINSHIP [I wish] for my mummy and daddy to stop drinking. R: … when you’re going to contact, would you think about them much? Yeah. I can smell drink off their breath and all and smoke. R: What does that make you feel like? Sad. Well it’s not sad because I know they have a problem. GIRL IN FOSTER CARE • Different reactions to contact with different family members • Reactions changed with time • Situations had improved by modifying contact arrangements or stopping contact • Many were enjoying contact • Adverse effects for a few • Having to deal with family’s alcohol abuse or mental health problems. Whereas before they were in a family centre and the kids would be bored, but now that they are doing things together, maybe going bowling or something, wee picnics and things like that to make it a bit more interesting for them. TWO BROTHERS IN FOSTER CARE … they would see their mum, very affectionate towards her. As I said, hugs and that… so, they seem happy. They are happy to see her, yet during… the rest of the week or fortnight it’s not mentioned. BOY IN FOSTER CARE She sees the sisters quite often, and the mother just doesn’t show up half the time for visits and … When she comes back, she’s a little moody and you’ve got to give her space for a while, you know, because if she goes to a visit and her mother just doesn’t show up, she’s devastated . GIRL IN FOSTER CARE I like going down and seeing my mum. BOY IN KINSHIP CARE

8. The concept of ‘ambiguous loss’ I wish my real mum did care about me and I feel good and glad that I’m up here now… it’s better up here and I get into less trouble. I feel sad because I miss them [birth parents] R: Can you think of anything that could make your life even better? I have a wee sister and she’s seven, and I never see her… I seen her whenever she was four.

9. [I found contact] fine, fine. I would have a relationship with [birth mum]. I would know her well. I would chat away to her. BOY IN FOSTER CARE They ring her [birth mum] every week to see if she’s going to come for contact. As far as I am concerned that’s not their job. If the mother doesn’t want to make contact she should be phoning saying; “I can’t make it this week”. GIRL IN KINSHIP CARE Effects of contact on parents & carers I would prefer that they [birth parents] are not in touch but we had to go by the court… I just don’t like them being in touch, you know. They’re not their parents, we are. I did go along with it, but they are the ones that have broken the contact. BOY IN FOSTER ADOPTION …they [birth siblings] were texting her and she was texting them and [birth sister] was telling her about her boyfriend and all that was going on… Oh! I was just reading a text and there was far too much information for Nicole’s age, you know. GIRL IN FOSTER CARE • Most parents and carers happy with their child’s contact arrangements. • A few kinship carers reported tensions in the relationship with birth parents. • A few adoptive parents were not keen on the idea of contact. • Some worried about the potential harmful effects that contact could have on the children. • Satisfaction with contact arrangements depending on the amount of control parents/carers felt they had … he is free to come between the two houses at my discretion. I make the decision. You know, where his mummy, she would ring me up, and say is it okay if Eoghan’s comes, and that’s fine. BOY IN KINSHIP CARE (with granny)

10. Parents/carers attitudes towards sharing information about birth family … he knows his birth mum is dead but he doesn’t know that she had been murdered, he’s too young you know, he doesn’t need to know that. BOY IN STRANGER ADOPTION I worry about her because she has it in her head that she’s adopted, she wasn’t wanted… I tried to put it that she was wanted and her mummy just wasn’t able to look after her and then how much I wanted somebody and I got her. GIRL IN FOSTER ADOPTION Just she didn’t grow in Mummy’s tummy, she grew in somebody else’s tummy and then we picked her especially. So that is really as far as she understands. GIRL IN STRANGER ADOPTION • Some parents/carers claimed they had shared all the information. • Some adoptive parents actively concealed some information deemed potentially harmful. • Some adoptive parents explained past in an ‘age-appropriate’ way, often involving masking reality to make it sound ‘less ugly’, or emphasising positive aspects. • Some parents/carers struggled to talk about these issues, and found it hard to communicate potentially damaging information, e.g. birth parents’ alcohol abuse, mental health problems, rejection and physical abuse/neglect of child.

11. Children’s communication At times, I just say about his sister, and he will ask why did she go to somebody else, and I say that when people are adopted that is sometimes what happens … sometimes he would ask about his mum, why did she not come and see him, and I say ‘Well dear, I really can’t answer that.’ Because I really don’t know why she didn’t do it. BOY IN FOSTER ADOPTION he would have asked questions and then we would have gone to his wee life story book. Then there were questions about why he was small and why he his mummy drank and things like that. But he doesn’t ask as much now. BOY IN FOSTER ADOPTION R: He doesn’t talk about the Mum and what happened with her? No, no, no. He never talks about that actually. He never talks about why he was taken into care. But I think he knows himself why he was taken into care, he doesn’t need to ask the questions. BOY IN FOSTER CARE • According to parents/carers, most children across the placement did not tend to bring up the subject, BUT … • Some asked questions or talked about particular issues; • Some used to ask questions when they were younger but not anymore; while • Others never talked or asked questions BECAUSE… • Already knew everything • Had forgotten about it; or • Were not curious/interested in finding out

12. Conclusions • Children had different contact arrangements depending on placement type, with children in foster and kinship care having more contact than adopted children • Differences were also found between parents’ and children’s accounts • Children’s reactions to contact improved with time • Although most children were happy with the level of contact, some missed their birth families, and a few wished for more contact • Some adopted children wished to know more about their birth families/included them as part of their family, although their adoptive parents were not aware of this. • Some parents/carers found it difficult to share information with their children

13. Thank you! Contact details: Montserrat FargasMaletm.fargas@qub.ac.uk+44 (0)28 90971176@MFargas_ICCRwww.qub.ac.uk/cpoMcSherry, FargasMalet, & Weatherall (2013). Comparing long-term placements for young children in care. The Care Pathways and Outcomes Study –Northern Ireland. London: BAAF