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Chapter 31 Choosing Marriage. Section 1: The Engagement Section 2: Making Wedding Plans. The Engagement. Definition: (in the dictionary)- attracted, involved, intermeshed “a promise or intention to marry” Purposes of engagement period: Prepare for the wedding Prepare for marriage
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Chapter 31 Choosing Marriage Section 1: The Engagement Section 2: Making Wedding Plans
The Engagement • Definition: (in the dictionary)- attracted, involved, intermeshed • “a promise or intention to marry” • Purposes of engagement period: • Prepare for the wedding • Prepare for marriage • Working towards a transition from “me” to “we”
Engagement • Learning about each other (the book) • Identifying differences (the book) • Developing teamwork • Establishing new relationships- family, friends, children • Seeking advice- premarital counseling
Broken engagements • 1/3 of all engagements don’t result in marriage • Can be difficult but… whatever the difficulties of a broken engagement, they are far less than those of a troubled marriage or divorce
Making Wedding plans • A ceremony with significance- religious, family, friends • Contracts and customs • Contract- binding agreement between two or more people • Laws: marriage has restrictions on minimum age, mental soundness, certain diseases, blood ties (cousins) • A license to marry is issued by the state 30 days before, sometimes with a blood test
Prenuptial Agreements • Partners can write them on any issues they wish but are usually about: • Protecting property within marriage • Establishing ownership in case of marital breakup • Defining roles, rights, and duties of each partner
Customs • Rings- unending circle, gold- value, strength, and enduring quality • Engagement parties and showers- given by family and friends to celebrate • Bad luck to see each other • Vows- promises in front of friends, family and God (if religious) • Bride’s maids & Groom’s men- help the couple, and “stand up” for them
Wedding Concerns • Finances • Traditionally her parents pay • Now it is more common to split 2 (both parents) or 3 (the couple also contributes) ways. • Conflicts • Pleasing family (especially if they are paying) • Photos & seating
Chapter 32Building a Strong Marriage • What make a marriage strong? • Realistic expectations • Commitment-desire to make marriage work • Acceptance • Flexibility • Thoughtfulness • U-shaped satisfaction curve- highs and lows of marriage satisfaction
Skills and Resources in Marriage • Communication • Conflict resolution • Sharing intimacy • Sharing decisions • Common values • Managing resources • Spend time together
Resources for Married Couples • Family and friends • Marriage enrichment- religious or “retreat” • Counseling
The Hard Questions-Susan PiverWith a partner- choose 2 “chapters” to analyze Should agree or the relationship won’t work should discuss but different answers wouldn’t really matter wouldn’t even need to discuss would probably have come up in dating