Small Acts of Living: From Treating Effects to Honouring Resistance

Small Acts of Living: From Treating Effects to Honouring Resistance Lulea, Sweden. January 18, 2012 Allan Wade, Ph.D. Centre for Response-Based Practice Duncan B.C. Canada

Small Acts of Living Topics Resistance is Ever-Present Examples The Language of Effects and the Language of Responses From Treating Effects to Witnessing Resistance Violence is Social: Contrasting Descriptions To Conceal Resistance is to Conceal Violence

Affiliation and Opposition The self is a stance-taking entity, a something that takes up a position somewhere between identification . . . and opposition . . . and is ready at the slightest pressure to regain its balance by shifting its involvement in either direction. It is thus against something that the self can emerge. (E. Goffman, 1961, p. 320) Extreme situations provide instruction for us, not so much in regards to the grander forms of loyalty and treachery, as in regards to the small acts of living. (E. Goffman, 1961) Our identity is backed by the solid buildings of the world. Our self resided in the cracks. (E. Goffman, 1961)

Henri Lefebvre “The critique of everyday life involves a critique of political life, in that everyday life already contains and constitutes such a critique: in that it is that critique”. “Our search for the human takes us far too deep. We seek it in clouds and in mysteries, whereas it is waiting for us, besieging us on all sides”.

Resistance is Concealed, Disguised and Indirect When the grand lord passes, the wise peasant bows deeply and silently farts. (Ethiopian Proverb, quoted in J. Scott, 1990) Milosz observed that, under Stalin, ordinary relationships took on the form of acting. He wrote: "Such acting is a highly developed craft that places a premium upon mental alertness. Before it leaves the lips, every word must be evaluated as to its consequences. A smile that appears at the wrong moment, a glance that is not all it should be can occasion dangerous suspicions and accusations. Even one's gestures, tone of voice, or preference for certain kinds of neckties are interpreted as signs of one's political tendencies. (1951, p. 54)

Metis

Charlene

From Effects/Impacts to Responses: From Affected Object to Responding Agent

From effects to responses • Resistance is a response to, not an effect of . . . • Interviewing methods for elucidating and honouring individuals’ responses and resistance to violence and oppression • Distinction between responses and effects • Applies to social interaction in general, and to forms of adversity other than violence

Beechworth Victoria, Australia

Kick a rock or kick a person • If you kick a rock . . . • If you kick a person . . .

The “effects” and “responses” game • A house cat • An armed robbery • A child’sresponsetoviolence by one parent to the other

Rain causes umbrellas • Umbrellas are effects/impacts/consequences of rain

Sexualized abuse causes depression, despair • Depression, despair is an effect/impact of sexualized abuse

Negative bias in the language of effects/impacts • A negative cause (spouse assault, rape) can produce only negative effects. We cannot say . . . • Child sexualized abuse causes alert and effective parenting • Alert and effective parenting is one of the leading effects or impacts of child sexualized abuse But we can say . . . • Many people respond to sexualized abuse by becoming alert and effective parents

How the language of effects conceals resistance • A friend . . . • A woman who is attacked by her partner . . .

Response or effect? “When I was 15 or so I was touched up by the optometrist, and its meant I’ve never actually worn my glasses.” Example from Liz Kelly (1988) Surviving Sexual Violence

Suffering as Resistance • Resistance and other responses to adversity cannot be represented in the language of effects or impacts. • Human suffering cannot be adequately represented in a language of effects/impacts. • The complex distress we experience in relation to violence is already a form of resistance. • What a person despairs against points to what they hope for. • Despair signals the insatiable desire for dignity and safety.

Anna Remaining silent; refusing to have my credibility questioned or to be blamed for something not my fault. Being sexually inactive: refusing to have my worth based upon sexual ability or participation. Being emotionally and mentally closed: refusing to give my feelings and thoughts to those who would treat them with disrespect or negligence. Refusing to further empower the abuser with the knowledge that he made me hurt, yet I still loved him.

Anna cont’d Rejecting authority: refusing to allow others to tell me what is “best” for me, or allowing them to clinicize a dysfunction rather than address the acts of sexual, emotional and physical abuse. That I am here today is resistance. Standing tall. Refusing to forfeit my dignity. To appear strong in the face of all evil. This somehow gives you inner strength. Feeling shame: Having a sense of right and wrong. I’ve developed, over the years, a very keen sense of fair play.

Violence is social . . . action by one person against the will and well-being of another involves two or more people, at minimum, a victim and offender occurs on the level of social action or behaviour, not the mind Consequently . . . descriptions of violence should detail the actions of the offender and victim (including mental activities if possible/relevant)

First account of sexualized assault: He followed her down the sidewalk. He sped up to catch her. He grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her to the ground. He dragged her toward the bushes. He overpowered her and dragged her into the bushes. He held a rock over her head and threatened to kill her if she screamed. He called her degrading names. He forced his mouth onto her face. He tried to undo her belt. He grabbed at her pant legs to pull them off. He overpowered her and vaginally raped her.

Second account of sexualized assault. He followed her down the sidewalk. She sped up. He sped up to catch her. She moved to the side. He grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her to the ground. She rolled on the ground to get away. He dragged her toward the bushes. She grabbed the roots of a tree so he couldn’t drag her into the bushes. He overpowered her and dragged her into the bushes. She started to scream. He held a rock over her head and threatened to kill her if she screamed. She stopped screaming. He called her degrading names. She said, “You don’t want to do this. You don’t want to hurt me.”He forced his mouth onto her face. She averted her face. He tried to undo her belt. She stuck out her stomach so that he could not undo her belt. He grabbed at her pant legs to pull them off. She crossed her ankles so that he could not pull off her pants. He overpowered her and vaginally raped her. She went to limp to avoid injury and went elsewhere in her mind.

Contrasting Accounts • What is the difference between the two descriptions? • Which description is more complete and accurate? • What do we learn about the victim in the first description, the second description? • How did the victim respond and resist? • In which account does the full extent and deliberate nature of the violence stand out most clearly? Why?

Implications of Contrasting Accounts • Accounts that omit victims’ responses/resistance: • Portray victims as passive (imply consent) • Reinforce negative stereotypes of victims • Conceal how perpetrators suppress victim resistance • Conceal full extent and deliberate nature of violence • To conceal resistance is to conceal violence • Accurate assessments (e.g., child protection, mental health) must include accounts of victims’ responses/resistance to violence in order to reveal offenders’ efforts to suppress that resistance.

From Clear to Obscure Active: Bob hit Sue. Simple passive: Sue was hit by Bob. Agentless passive: Sue was hit. Nominalization: An assault took place. Mutualizing: There was a domestic dispute.

From Object to Subject - From Effects to Responses positive object passive state subject active action negative

From Object to Subject - From Effects to Responses positive object passive state subject active action • low self-esteem • poor boundaries • despair, depression negative

From Object to Subject - From Effects to Responses positive object passive state subject active action • “I choose abusive men” • “Why do I stay?” • “I’m such a door mat” • “I should have seen it coming” • low self-esteem • poor boundaries • despair, depression negative

From Object to Subject - From Effects to Responses positive resisted, used boundaries, chose non-abusive man, despaired, protected self protected children object passive state subject active action • low self-esteem • poor boundaries • despair, depression • “I choose abusive men” • “Why do I stay?” • “I’m such a door mat” • “I should have seen it coming” negative

From Object to Subject - From Effects to Responses positive strong aware determined capable resisted, used boundaries, chose non-abusive man, despaired, protected self protected children object passive state subject active action • low self-esteem • poor boundaries • despair, depression • poor parent • “I choose abusive men” • “Why do I stay?” • “I’m such a door mat” • “I should have seen it coming” negative

The Colonial Code of Relationship Therapist Client C “Resistance”

Examples of Resistance to Injustice (Groups of three) One person shares an instance when they resisted control or oppression of some kind, overtly or covertly, on behalf of themselves or someone else. The second person obtains as much detail as possible about (a) the circumstances the person is responding to, (b) responses of the person that can be seen as resistance and (c) the real and possible social responses the person was aware of or could have faced at the time.

From Effects to Responses (Groups of three) Part 1: One person identifies an unpleasant or adverse event. The second person asks about the effects or impacts of that event, getting as much detail as possible about social effects, mental effects, emotional effects, short term effects, long term effects, physical effects, and so on. The witness writes them down. Part 2: Go back to the beginning of the same event. This time the second person asks about how the person responded from the first moment forward, during the event and immediately after. Focus on physical actions and inactions, thoughts, feelings, sensations, and so on, getting as much detail as possible. The witness writes them down. The third person tracks evidence of capacities evident in the person’s responses (i.e., awareness, convictions, instincts, perceptions, skills, ethics, creativity, determination, attempted and partial solutions, etc.)

The emotionally abused woman is a particular kind of woman, a woman who has established a pattern of continually being emotionally abused by those she is involved with, whether it be her lover or husband, her boss, her friends, her parents, her children, or her siblings. No matter how successful, how intelligent or how attractive she is, she still feels “less than” other people. Despite perhaps having taken assertive-training classes, she still feels afraid to stand up for herself in her relationships and is still victimized by her low self-esteem, her fear of authority figures, or her need to be taken care of by others. She was emotionally abused as a child, but she may or may not recognize how extensively this kind of childhood continues to affect her life. (Beverly Engel, 1990, p. 7)

The Jew is a particular kind of person, a person who has established a pattern of continually being emotionally abused by those she is involved with, whether it be her lover or husband, hr boss, her friends, her parents, her children, or her siblings. No matter how successful, how intelligent or how attractive she is, she still feels “less than” other people. Despite perhaps having taken assertive-training classes, she still feels afraid to stand up for herself in her relationships and is still victimized by her low self-esteem, her fear of authority figures, or her need to be taken care of by others. She was emotionally abused as a child, but she may or may not recognize how extensively this kind of childhood continues to affect her life. (Beverly Engel, 1990, p. 7)

Small Acts of Living: From Treating Effects to Honouring Resistance