Inter-personal Dynamics in Couples

1. Inter-personal Dynamics in Couples Catalina Woldarsky Psyc 3430 M April 1, 2008

2. Outline • Overview of couples research • Predictors of divorce - J. Gottman • “we-ness” - D. Reid • Approaches to working with couples • Emotion-focused couple therapy

3. Overview of Research • Why study couples? • increased rates of accidents, physical illness, suicide, violence and homicide • Couples Distress • communication, lack of emotional concern, infidelity • individual psychopathology • Diverse methodologies

4. Gottman & Levenson (1992) • Objective: to identify predictors of divorce • Multi-method approach • “Rapid Couples Interaction Scoring System” was developed & used to group couples into 2 groups: • Regulated Couples • Non-regulated Couples • This distinction allowed for prediction of marital dissolution with 75% accuracy in a 4 year study

5. Gottman’s Research • Regulated couples +ve probl-solv behav > -ve probl-solv behav • neutral/+ve probl description, assent, humour • Non-regulated couples • -ve probl-solv behav > +ve probl-solv behav • complaint, criticism, defensiveness

6. The 4 Horsemen of Apocalypse • “Cascade Model of Dissolution” - using these 4 variables, prediction of divorce increased to 85% • Contempt = greatest predictor of divorce • Criticism • Defensiveness • Stonewalling • Later divorcing is predicted by ABSENCE of +ve affect (affection, interest & humour) NOT simply presence of -ve affect

7. Stable Marriages • Volatile: • high on immediate persuasion attempts with little active listening & validation • Validating: • both partners actively listen & reflect back feelings before attempts to persuade • Conflict-Avoiding: • very little engagement in persuasion attempts • Balance theory of marriage - each couple will find a balance btwn +ve & -ve affect (homeostasis)

8. Sound Marital House Theory Gottman & Levenson (1996) • Creating shared symbolic meaning • Regulating conflict • Creating positive sentiment over-ride • Marital friendship

9. The Identity of the Couple Systemic-Constructivist approach:Integrates the intrapersonal with the Interpersonal processes and is highly contextually sensitive. • Examines how each partner’s “assumptive worlds” become intertwined in marriage • Marriage reflects intricately the ‘personalities’, deep feelings and core sense of meaning of the partners. • To be happy each partner must develop & maintain a fulfilling identity within the relationship. • In this process, each partner conjointly validates a sense of who each is. This requires considerable interpersonal awareness & commitment.

10. “We-ness” - D. Reid • “We-ness” refers to the identity that each partner establishes in relationship to the other. • This sense of we-ness is a psychological construction that becomes evident in the language system that forms the bond between the married partners. • It contains an antidote to egocentric primacy & any excessive dependency or invasiveness. • It is understood that this egocentricity is at the root of many problems of communication within committed relationships.

11. We-ness Coding Scale • LEVEL 1: Domination of “I” vs. “You.” • LEVEL 2: Primacy of view, not hearing. • LEVEL 3: Tacit Recognition of Relationship. • LEVEL 4: Interpersonal aware, but… • LEVEL 5: Share Experiences, Stories. • LEVEL 6: Intuitive Sense of Self as Couple.

12. Interpersonal Processing is the Power of Three “Relational Selves” in sync.= value of other. 1. My: Thoughts Feelings Beliefs Desires Idiosynchrasies Ways of living Culture & Family/past experiences 2. “Your”: Thoughts Feelings Beliefs Desires Idiosynchrasies Ways of living Culture & Family/past experiences 3. = Us” “Us is greater than parts” Meaningful Experiential Self-coherent Interactions

13. Approaches to working with Couples • There are 3 empirically-supported approaches: • Cognitive-Behavioural Couples Therapy • Emotion-focused Couples Therapy • Insight-oriented Couples Therapy • Common Factor: Promotion of each partner’s acceptance of the other & their differences – use of these differences to promote empathy & intimacy.

14. Emotional Acceptance All of these approaches work with these assumptions: • Each partner has feelings that are understandable • Each partner has a story that makes sense • Each partner has hold of some truth about the relationship • Each partner has a position on the problem that is worthy of attention & consideration • Acceptance of the values of each couple & partner as long as they DO NOT promote destructive actions

15. EFT-Couples • Greenberg & Johnson (1988) • Therapy involves having partners reveal their most vulnerable feelings to each other to promote bonding, and being able to take a self-focus to reveal and regulate one’s own emotions. • Key Intervention involves identifying & modifying the couples’ cycle (I.e., set way of responding to each other that keeps them feeling stuck) • Research has found that the single most effective way of resolving couples conflict is for partners to reveal their underlying vulnerable feelings and their attachment, identity and intimacy needs(Greenberg & Johnson, 1988; Greenberg, James, & Conry 1988, Greenberg, Ford, Alden & Johnson 1993)

16. Key Dimensions:Attachment & Identity • Emotional expression influences how others respond. • Partners form emotional attachments through their emotion systems. • Partners also form a sense of who they are, and a sense of self-esteem, through the validation of their emotions by others. identity attachment

17. Affiliation (attachment) Cycles Pursue - Distance • Pursuer: Sad, Lonely, Anxious, Fears abandonment • Distancer: Anxious, Angry, Insecure Attack/Blame – Defend • Same as above Demand – Withdraw • Same as above Cling – Push away • Clinger: Anxious, Helpless • Push away: Anger, Burdened, Trapped

18. Influence (Identity) Cycles Dominate – Submit • Dominant: Fear of loss of status /control, Shame • Submissive: Fear, Inadequacy, Anger Define – Defer • Same as above Lead – Follow • Leader: Anxious • Follower: Inadequate, Helpless, Angry Over-function – Under-function • Same as above

19. Phases of EFT-C • Cycle de-escalation • Establishing a “working alliance” & framing issues/conflict in terms of emotional pain and deprivation of emotional needs • Identifying the negative cycle • Exploring underlying emotions of each position • Change in interactional positions • promoting identification with the disowned aspects of experience that may arise in the redefined cycle • the expression of specific needs and wants to restructure the interaction • Consolidation and integration