Interpersonal Relationships Basic Concepts

1. Interpersonal Relationships Basic Concepts

2. What is an IP Relationship? Interpersonal relationship – a series of interactions between two individuals known to each other “Good” interpersonal relationship – one in which the interactions are satisfying to and healthy for those involved

3. 3 Types of Relationships Acquaintances– people we know by name and talk with when the opportunity arises, but with whom our interactions are limited Friends – people with whom we have negotiated more personal relationships Close friends or intimates– people who like each other enough to seek each other out because they enjoy each other’s company and share their deepest feelings

4. Connected Relationships Impersonal relationship– one in which a person relates to the other merely because the other fills a roleor satisfies an immediate need Personal relationship– one in which people share large amounts of information with each other and meet each other’s interpersonal needs

5. Relationships (Three Stages) Build Stabilize Deteriorate Based on the communication involved!

6. Feedback & Disclosure What is the difference?

7. Johari Window– Jo Luft & Harry Ingham Notknown to self Known to self Open Blind Known to others Secret Unknown Not known to others W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76

8. Johari Window Notknown to self Known to self Open Blind Known to others Unknown Secret Not known to others W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76 9

9. Johari Window Notknown to self Known to self Open Blind Known to others Secret Unknown Not known to others W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76 10

10. Johari Window Notknown to self Known to self Open Blind Known to others Unknown Not known to others Secret W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76 11

11. Johari Window Notknown to self Known to self Open Blind Known to others Secret Unknown Not known to others W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76

12. Johari adjectives able accepting adaptable bold brave calm caring cheerful clever complex Confident dependable dignified energetic mature modest nervous observant Organized patient powerful proud quiet reflective relaxed religious responsive searching extroverted friendly giving happy helpful idealistic independent ingenious intelligent introverted kind Knowledgeable logical loving self-assertive self-conscious sensible sentimental shy silly spontaneous sympathetic tense trustworthy warm wise witty

13. Nohari negative variant adjectives incompetent violent insecure hostile needy ignorant blasé embarrassed insensitive dispassionate Inattentive intolerant aloof irresponsible chaotic vacuous passive dull timid stupid lethargic unhelpful brash childish impatient panicky smug predictable selfish unimaginative irrational imperceptive loud self-satisfied over dramatic unreliable inflexible glum vulgar unhappy inane distant foolish cowardly simple withdrawn cynical boastful weak unethical rash callous humorless

14. Dialectic • “Any systematic reasoning process that juxtaposes opposed or contradictory ideas, seeking to resolve their conflict” • Yin-Yang Relational Dialectics • Contradictory pulls in relationships.

15. Relational Dialectics (3) Autonomy/Connection I need my own space. I want to be close. Novelty/Predictability We need to do I like the familiar something new. rhythms we have. Openness/Closedness I like sharing so There are some much with you. things I don’t want to talk about.

16. Managing Dialectical Tensions • Temporal Selection – selecting one side of a dialectical contradiction for a period of time, ie. for a time suspend a side for the other. • Topical segmentation – separating situations as a way of managing dialectical tension, ie. treat topics differently. • Neutralization – compromising to partially satisfy needs, ie. find a middle of the road. • Reframing – putting less emphasis on the dialectical tension, ie. change your view on the differences.

17. Relationship Theories • IP Needs Theory - Psych. Wm. Schutz • Whether or not a relationship is started, built, or maintained depends on meeting each other’s IP Needs. • 3 basic IP Needs: • Affection • Inclusion • Control • Underpersonal – Overpersonal - Personal • Undersocial – Oversocial - Social • Abdicrats – Autocrats - democrat

18. Relationship Theories – con’t. • Exchange Theory - Psych. Thibaut & Kelley • Relationships can be understood in terms of the exchange of rewards & costs that take place during the IP relationship. • Rewards • Costs • Outcomes that are valued by a person • Outcomes that a person does not wish to occur • Comparison Level of Alternatives

19. You must nurture relationships through supportive not defensive communication Defensiveness – a negative feeling or behavior that results when a person feels threatened.

20. Examples of: Supportive Communication Defensive Communication • Evaluation • Description • Certainty • Provisionalism • Strategy • Spontaneity • Control • Problem Orientation • Neutrality • Empathy • Superiority • Equality.

21. Relational Disintegration (Deterioration) The communication in deteriorating relationships is marked by three stages: Recognition of Dissatisfaction Process of Disengaging Ending

22. Misguided Relationship Termination Strategies Manipulation – intentionally presenting evidence of a breach of faith, then leaving it to the other party to take direct action Withdrawal/avoidance– use of indirect methods to achieve the goal Positive tone – the intentional use of positive communication methods

23. Managing Dialectical Tensions Temporal selection – selecting one side to support Topical segmentation– separating Neutralization – compromising Reframing – taking a fresh approach – change your perceptions. 28

24. If communication is irreversible, do personal attacks ever serve a constructive purpose in a relationship?