Godly Guidance: Embracing Abstinence Before Marriage

1. Abstinence is not an Option by Duane Madden (June 2005)

2. TABLE OF CONTENTS SLIDE Introduction ……………………………………………………………… 3 PART ONE: ABSTINENCE EDUCATION What is Abstinence? ……………………………………………………………… 4 Why is Abstinence not an option? ……………………………………………… 5 Is Foreplay a sin? ……………………………………………………………… 6 Risk-factors of Pre-marital sex ……………………………………………… 8 - The unreliability of contraceptives ……………………………… 8 - Unwanted pregnancy ……………………………………………… 9 - Sexually Transmitted Disease ……………………………………………… 9 S.T.D.’s: Chlamydia, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, P.I.D. ……………………………… 11 Human Papilloma Virus .......................................................... 12 H.I.V. / A.I.D.S. ……………………………………………………………… 14 PART TWO: GUARDING YOUR PURITY Five Principles to maintaining your purity ……………………………… 17 Lessons from Joseph .......................................................... 19 Lessons from Sampson .......................................................... 20 God’s intended purpose for sex ……………………………………………… 21 Conclusion ............................................................................. 22 Bibliography ……………………………………………………………… 23 VIEW SLIDE PRESENTATION FROM START TO FINISH

3. INTRODUCTION In today’s society there are a lot of conflicting views about sex. Some are disturbing while others seem to be reasonable by Society’s standards. Regardless of how perverted or rational these views may seem, as a Christian, the only view-point we should be focused on is God’s view of sex. If God is the one who created sex, then he is the one who has the final authority to guide us regarding the context and confines of sex. Sadly to say, some Christians have diverted from God’s purpose for sex and have reversed the order. The goal of this presentation is to encourage and challenge single, unmarried young people to both follow and return to God’s divine order of sex. That order is; “no sex before marriage” or otherwise called ABSTINENCE. Table of Contents

4. PART ONE: ABSTINENCE EDUCATION WHAT IS ABSTINENCE? Here is a formal definition: Abstinence means self denial; restraint from indulging in a desire for something, example alcohol or sexual relations.(Encarta Dictionary) In this context we are talking about abstaining from sexual relations while you are single and waiting until you are married. Therefore abstinence is NOT…. ….waiting until you are older or mature enough! ….waiting until you fall in love! ….waiting until you find the right person! ….waiting until the time is right for you! These are some of the reasons some people use to justify their sexual behavior and try to convince you to do the same. However, these are lies and deceptions from the Devil, whose intention is to pervert the truth. Table of Contents

5. WHY IS ABSTINENCE NOT AN OPTION FOR UNMARRIED CHRISTIANS? • Because it is a command by GOD! It is mandatory that the unmarried abstain from sexual behavior because God says it in His Word: “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be ONCE named among you, as becometh saints.” (Ephesians 5:3) “That ye ABSTAIN from meats offered to idols and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well...” (Acts 15:29) “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should ABSTAIN from fornication: That everyone of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor; not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5) “FLEE fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20) Do you get the impression that God is sending a strong message about Fornication? Fornication is sexual intercourse between a man and a woman who are not married Or any form of sexual behavior considered to be immoral. (Encarta & Bible Dictionary) There is no debate, God’s Word is clear that we are to abstain from sex before marriage! Table of Contents

6. WHAT IF I ENGAGE IN FOREPLAY BUT NOT PENETRATION? • God says it is wrong: “Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; FORNICATION, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” (Colossians 3:5) • Mortify means literally “to put to death”; to kill. - In other words, God says: • Eliminate those things which cause sin in your life. Things such as: • Uncleanness: Indecency or indecent behavior • Inordinate affection: Lust; lack of restraint or control; beyond reasonable limits • Evil concupiscence: Evil passions; fowl cravings • - Definitions (Encarta & Bible dictionary) • God says it’s a sin even to entertain inappropriate sexual thoughts: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committeth adultery with her already in his heart” (Matthew 5:27-28) • God wants us to keep our bodies, hearts & minds pure. He wants us to refrain from any form of sexual intercourse or sexual behavior that is not appropriate for single, unmarried young people. Table of Contents

7. WHO IS IT GOING TO HURT IF I DECIDE TO HAVE SEX ANYWAY? • Firstly, it will hurt God because you would have violated his commands.  Secondly, it could hurt you & your partner. HOW WILL IT HURT US IF WE PRACTICE “SAFE SEX?” Contrary to popular belief  SAFE SEX IS NOT SO SAFE ANYMORE! THERE ARE SOME RISK FACTORS THAT YOU NEED TO BE AWARE OF REGARDING THE SO-CALLED “SAFE SEX” PRINCIPLE. PRE-MARITAL SEX CARRIES CONSEQUENCIES AND YOU ARE ABOUT TO LEARN THAT SAFE SEX IS NOT A GUARANTEED “PROTECTION” AGAINST SOME OF THESE CONSEQUENCES. LET’S EXAMINE SOME OF THOSE RISK FACTORS…… Table of Contents

8. RISK FACTORS OF PRE-MARITAL (SAFE) SEX • THE UNRELIABILITY OF CONTRACEPTIVES Pills & injections can cause terrible side effects and cannot protect you from diseases. Condoms are not 100% safe. They can burst or if used improperly they can have devastating consequences. Below is an excerpt from an article submitted by Centers for Disease Control & Prevention in U.S.A.; who once hailed the condom as the“Great Rubber Savior”: “ Condoms can reduce the risk of S.T.D. transmission, however no protective method is 100% effective and condom use cannot guarantee absolute protection against any S.T.D.” - Article: Male Latex & Sexually Transmitted Diseases [4th Aug. 2004] Do you get the idea that they are saying that the condom cannot guarantee your safety; that the condom is in fact unreliable? Table of Contents

9. UNWANTED PREGNACY This is one of the results of contraceptive failure. All it takes is one little mistake! Listen to this quote from (National Center for Health Statistics): “It is estimated that one child out of three is born out of wedlock; 14% of these women are under the age of 18. Most are in their early twenties (20’s). Thus giving birth control to teens in high school through safe-sex programs will have little effect on out of wedlock childbearing.” - National Vital Statistics Report 2001 If you’re not ready to be a parent yet, then don’t put your childhood at risk! Enjoy your youth and follow God’s plan by waiting for your marital partner. • SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES (S.T.D.) It is reported that there are currently over twenty (20) S.T.D.’s in existence. Some of which are deadly and have no cure! The consequences of pre-marital sex can prove to be very devastating. Let us look at a few of the more prevalent S.T.D.’s that you could contract even with safe sex. Table of Contents

10. Table of Contents

11. CHLAMYDIA: An infection which can damage the woman’s fallopian tube (tubes that carry eggs from the ovaries to the uterus) without her knowing, which causes infertility. Other effects are fever, pain and damage to other organs. SYPHILIS: This disease causes bacteria to multiply rapidly in the body and attack normal tissues such as bones, joints, liver, heart, blood vessels, eyes, spinal cord and the brain. GONORRHEA: A disease which causes bacteria to multiply around the cervix of a female, causing a thick pus discharge. It can scar the tissue and block the fallopian tube which can pose a risk to unborn babies. Babies can also be infected by the mother and it can cause blindness to the baby. Men who are infected sometimes lack the symptoms or it can cause painful urination and pus discharge. PELVIC INFLAMMATORY DISEASE (P.I.D.): An infection of the uterus (womb), fallopian tubes and other reproductive organs. It can damage these organs and tissues, and if untreated can lead to abscess, chronic pelvic pain, infertility or irregular pregnancy outside of the womb. P.I.D. is a common complication affiliated with Chlamydia and Gonorrhea. Table of Contents

12. HUMAN PAPILLOMA VIRUS (H.P.V.): This is the most common and perhaps the most contagious S.T.D. to date. It is transmitted through sexual intercourse as well as non-penetrative contact. In other words H.P.V. is a disease of the entire genital area that does not require exchange of bodily fluids. All it takes is skin or genital contact to transmit it. There are two (2) types of H.P.V. : • Transient H.P.V. – In this stage there is little or no recognizable signs, no detrimental conditions. • Persistent H.P.V. – This is the detrimental stage that causes genital warts which keep re-appearing, cancerous changes to the female’s cervix or the genital organs which lead to cervical cancer and then death. H.P.V. does not go away! • H.P.V. IS CURRENTLY KILLING MORE WOMEN THAN H.I.V./A.I.D.S. •  CURRENTLY THERE IS NO CURE FOR  H . P. V . Table of Contents

13. STATISTICS from Centers for Public Health Research Evaluation(U.S.A. Revised: June 14, 2005) An estimated 20 million people are currently infected with HPV in the U.S.A. An estimated 6.2 million new infections are diagnosed annually. Table of Contents

14. HUMAN IMMUNODEFICIENCY VIRUS (H.I.V.) / ACQUIRED IMMUNE DEFICIENCY SYNDROME (A.I.D.S.): A common and deadly virus that attacks the body’s immune system, destroying the ability of the body to fight off sickness. H.I.V. leads to A.I.D.S. which is the final stage which ultimately leads to death. HIV/AIDS does not go away! A.I.D.S. IS THE NO. 1 (S.T.D.) KILLER OF MEN THERE IS STILL NO CURE FOR  A . I . D . S . Table of Contents

15. STATISTICS from TheCenter for Disease Control(U.S.A. Revised May 31, 2005): In 2003, the estimated number of DEATHS of persons with AIDS was 18,017, including 17,934 adults and adolescents, and 83 children under age 13 The cumulative estimated number of DEATHS of persons with AIDS through 2003 is 524,060, including 518,568 adults and adolescents, and 5,492 children under age 13. Table of Contents

16. Here’s another excerpt from the C.D.C. regarding S.T.D. which was once thought of as preventable as long as partners practiced safe sex: “The surest way to avoid transmission of S.T.D’s is to abstain from sexual intercourse, or be in a long term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who is tested and uninfected.” - Article: Male Latex & Sexually Transmitted Diseases [4th August, 2004] Do you get the distinct impression that they are recommending abstinence as the only safe way as well as hinting at marriage? So you asked how will it hurt if you practiced safe sex? Well, not only can safe sex hurt you & your partner, it can kill you both! Those are some of the consequences when you disobey God and violate His law. Young people listen to God and follow Him because He knows what is best for you more than any “so-called” expert out there! Table of Contents

17. PART TWO: GUARDING YOUR PURITY • Five Practical Steps to Maintaining Your Purity: • 1. SET STANDARDS • - Take a biblical and spiritual stance to abstain and wait till marriage. • - Preserve your body as a gift for your husband or wife. • - Purpose in your heart & mind to control your body and strengthen your will • 2. SET PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES • - Don’t do anything that Jesus would not bless! • - No inappropriate or unnecessary touching, kissing or hugging. • - Know your limits. E.g.. If hugging turns you on then it is wise to refrain from hugging. • 3. AVOID RELATIONSHIPS WITH UNSAVED • - Never get involved in an intimate relationship with non-believers. God says this is sin (unequally-yoked). • - Both of you live by different standards. One desires to please God the other decides to live for the Devil. • - The unsaved can break down your standards if you are not strong. Table of Contents

18. 4. AVOID COMPROMISING SITUATIONS • Avoid situations that increase the risk of sexual activity or encounters. • Be cautious of places you go. Stay in public places rather than being alone with someone. • 5. BE ACCOUNTABLE TO SOMEONE • Find someone whom you can discuss your struggles with, to motivate, encourage & strengthen you. • Allow the person to check up on you & hold you accountable for maintaining your purity. Table of Contents

19. TWO BIBLICAL EXAMPLES OF DEALING WITH TEMPTATION • Lessons from JOSEPH  What to do! (Genesis 39) • GUARD YOUR TESTIMONY (Verse 8) • - Too much is at stake: reputation/ testimony. People trust you & look up to you • - If you fall a lot of people will be affected and disappointed • DO NOT TAKE WHAT DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU (Verse 9) • - Stay away from forbidden fruit • - Don’t trespass against your neighbor or his property • 3.GOD IS WATCHING YOU (Verse 9) • - Remember your commitment to God • - Sin will displease God and affect your relationship with Him • IF THE KITCHEN STARTS TO GET HOT, GET OUT! (Verse 12) • - Find a way of escape when temptation tries to hold you down • - Don’t try to reason, just run! Table of Contents

20. Lessons from SAMPSON  What NOT to do! (Judges 16) • 1. DO NOT GO TO THE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND (Verses 1-5) • Avoid being at the wrong place and with the wrong people • Don’t play with fire; don’t even try to get close to it • “Instead of trying to see how many things you can get away with, try to see how far you can get away from certain things” - (D. Madden) • 2. DO NOT PLAY WITH THE DEVILS TOYS (Verse 6-18) • Do not be easily deceived. The Devil is not playing games. He’s not using toys, he’s using weapons! • Be alert. Don’t be ignorant of his devices, deceptions or traps • “Don’t try to test how strong you are, because you might discover how weak you really are” – (D. Madden) Table of Contents

21. GOD’S INTENTENDED PURPOSE FOR SEX SEX WAS INTENDED FOR MARRIAGE: • Intimacy - Oneness, closeness, togetherness (Genesis 2:24, Hebrews 13:4) • Expression of love – Showing of affections (1 Corinthians 7:3-5) • Pleasure – (Proverbs 5:18-19) SEX WAS INTENDED FOR REPRODUCTION:  Having children/ starting a family – (Genesis 2:28) Table of Contents

22. CONCLUSION Sex is a wonderful gift from God. He is not trying to withhold this good gift from you. God is asking you to wait until marriage to open your gift. Though he may have wrapped it and given it to you now, God has placed a tag on it that says: “DO NOT OPEN UNTIL MARRIAGE!” Table of Contents

23. REFERENCES Anderson, K. Marriage, Family and Sexuality. Grand Rapids, MI. Kregel Publications. 2000. Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Divisions of HIV/AIDS Prevention – Basic Statistics. May 31, 2005. www.file://A:\AIDS STATS.htm Dillows, L., and Pintus, L. Gift-Wrapped by God. Colorado Springs. Colorado. Water Brook Press. 2002. Duff, K. Dating , Intimacy and the Teenage Years. Shippensburg, PA. Destiny Image Publishers, Inc. 2001. Gresh, D. And the Bride Wore White. Moody Publishers. 1999. Ingram, C. Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships. Grand Rapids, MI. Baker Book House Co. 2003. Kelly, M. Saved Sex: Chastity – Because You're Worth It. Villa, Maria, PA. The Center for Learning. 1999. Lahaye, T. Sex Education is for the Family. Grand Rapids, MI. Zondervan Publishing House. 1985. Rector, R. The Effectiveness of Abstinence Education Programs in Reducing Sexual Activity Among Youth. (Article: April 8, 2002) Rector, R. Facts about Abstinence Education. (Article: March 30, 2004) Stanton, G. Why Marriage Matters. Colorado Springs, Colorado. Pinon Press. 1997 The Medical Institute. Abstinence vs. Safer Sex – Sexuality Education: A comparison. Austin, Texas. Zetterrsten, R. Sex, Lies & the Truth. Wheaton, Illinois. Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. 1994 LINKS TO WEBSITES ABOUT S.T.D.’s http://www.urologychannel.com/std/index.shtml http://www.ashastd.org/stdfaqs/ http://www.cdc.gov/ Table of Contents