Primary Social & Emotional Aspects of Learning Theme 6: Relationships

1. Primary Social & Emotional Aspects of Learning Theme 6: Relationships

2. Good to be me ….. ….. how was it for you?

3. Activity: Reflection What to do; Individually reflect for a minute on the last theme ‘Good to be me’ and identify; • One key point of particular success • One area for development Share and record them with your group Feedback a key point to the whole group

4. Primary Social & Emotional Aspects of Learning Theme 6: Relationships

5. How is it used? • Theme for half term that involves the whole school community • Theme and materials introduced in staff meeting • Initial assembly from theme overview • Curriculum work at different levels • Celebration assembly • Follow up staff meeting review and sharing of practice

6. Relationships This theme is the second of two focusing specifically on feelings. It explores feelings within the context of our important relationships including family and friends. ‘Relationships’ aims to develop knowledge, understanding and skills in three key social and emotional aspects of learning; Self-awareness Managing feelings Empathy

7. Relationships In addition, there is also a focus throughout the theme on helping children understand the feelings associated with an experience that we all need to cope with at some time: that of loss - whether of a favourite possession, a friend, a family home or a loved one.

8. Whole school focus • Using the schools usual means of celebration (praise, notes to the child and parent/carers, certificates, peer nominations, etc.) to notice and celebrate children (or adults) who were observed; Week 1: Changing an unfair situation Week 2: Being pleased for someone’s achievements Week 3: Telling the truth, saying sorry or making amends Week 4: Helping someone who is feeling sad or lonely

9. Points to note You might not have chosen to use many of the Purple set activities in the previous themes, but working together as a staff to explore loss and other feelings within close relationships will be very beneficial before working with children. People’s reactions to loss are varied and you will have your own range of thoughts, feelings and ways of dealing with issues. Before working with children, it is important that you have acknowledged and identified your own emotions and have reflected upon your own responses to loss.

10. Points to note The following activities are designed to help you talk with colleagues and provide some insight into what children might feel and need to know. When undertaking the activities you will need to be sensitive to the needs and possible reactions of any members of the staff group who have themselves experienced significant loss.

11. A quote from Winston’s Wish… My Mum died and my life changed for ever, it was the biggest thing that ever happened to me. My teacher never mentioned it.

12. Activity 1: Why teach about loss? Spend a few minutes completing the quiz by yourself before we go through the answers. Or 20,000 children every year. Around 10% of those aged between 5 and 15 will have lost a parent, carer, close friend or close relative – that’s almost a million of our young people. That’s 55 a day. It is estimated that every 30 minutes a child or young person in the UK is bereaved of a parent.

13. Although relatively few children are bereaved, most will experience losses of other kinds during their childhood. Losing a home, losing friends because of moving house or changing schools or losing a pet are examples. By helping children learn how to express and manage their feelings, you are helping them to remain emotionally healthy and to engage with learning more effectively.

14. Death neither obeys the school timetable nor appears on it … it enters the classroom without knocking. A quote from Winston’s Wish

15. Activity 2: Types of loss In pairs, read through the set of cards on your table and add any ideas about additional losses on the blank cards. Place the cards in order, according to how bad you might feel if these things happened to you.

16. Activity 2: Types of loss Now in small groups, choose one or two types of loss and consider: How you already support children who have suffered this type of loss How your school currently supports children who have suffered this type of loss What your school might do differently and what else your school could reasonably do to support children who have suffered this type of loss

17. Feelings of grief Grief reactions vary but there is a consensus that there are different phases that many people go through when they suffer a significant loss. These can be seen as a progression from one phase to another, starting with shock, disbelief and denial and ending with acceptance. But those who have experienced loss will say that the route is not direct, that there are many times when they regress to an earlier stage; and even once they feel that they have accepted the loss, there are times when they are overwhelmed by despair and distress.

18. Feelings of grief Reactions to loss are highly individual, and there is no one right or normal way to grieve. We have called the feelings associated with significant loss the ‘feelings of grief’. Disbelief (associated thoughts and feelings – shock, denial, disbelief) Recognising the loss (associated thoughts and feelings – yearning, anger, guilt, sadness, despair, pain, distress) Realisation (associated thoughts and feelings – sadness, hopelessness, depression) Acceptance (associated thoughts and feelings – the full range of feelings)

19. Activity 3: Feelings of grief Look at resource sheet 2 where characters express different feelings of a loss. Identify which phase in the feelings of grief you think they are operating within.

20. Activity 4: Loss through separation or divorce This activity is based on the techniques used in the Philosophy for Children approach. (See appendix 6 ‘Communities of enquiry’) Read the story Wils or Pilgrim from the Blue set. In pairs, agree a question about the story that you would like to explore. Record everyone’s questions on a flipchart and agree as a group, by voting, on a question you will focus on. One person should act as a facilitator. Their role should be to support the discussion by prompting people to keep to the question and, if they feel confident enough, to ask facilitative questions.

21. Activity 5: Setting the ground rules As adults we are often worried about talking to children about their loss, especially if the loss is due to bereavement. However, talking about loss is often useful to a child, as it makes it feel normal and acceptable rather than something too horrible and scary to mention. This activity is designed to challenge some of our fears about talking to children. On A3 paper thought shower your responses to the following question…

22. What’s the worst that could happen?

23. Activity 5: Setting the ground rules In your group, choose a fear from the thought showered list and discuss the following questions: What should we do if our fear does happen? How might we try to avoid this?

24. Activity 5: Setting the ground rules As a school, you may wish to share your ideas and write them up as a chart for reference. Some common fears and thoughts can be found in the handout What are the worst things that could happen when we try to help? These might be useful to refer to when you have finished the task or as ideas to get you thinking before you start.

25. Activity 6: What are we doing now and what else could we do? As a group, reflect on the following questions: What have you learned from the activities? What five or six principles should your school have when considering how to support children who have suffered loss? (These should be designed to ensure the emotional safety and well-being of the adults and children involved)

26. When does a child need extra support? • There is no easy answer to this question. The principle you should use when deciding what the child might need is to consider what is the least intrusive intervention that might be effective. When considering an individual, you might like to answer these questions: • Are the feelings associated with loss preventing the child from learning and taking part in school life? • Is the child’s behaviour a concern to themselves and to others? • Does the child seem excessively distressed and unhappy?

27. When does a child need extra support? • Does the child seem lethargic, depressed and hopeless? • Has the child asked for help? • Have you tried to support the child within the class and within the school’s own resources? • Have you spoken to the child’s parents / carers? What are their views? • Does the child want additional help?

28. Local Authority support • Diversity & Inclusion Team, Emotional and Trauma Support. Contact: Deirdre McConnell, 0161 223 3158

29. Other agency support in Manchester: • The Gaddum Centre, 0161 834 6069 www.griefmatters.org.uk • The Grief Centre: Manchester Area Bereavement Forum, 0161 371 8869 www.mabf.org.uk Both agencies offer one to one support, group work with families, training and telephone information, support and guidance

30. Useful websites www.itsnotyourfault.org.uk A website to support and inform children whose parents are separating or divorcing www.childbereavement.org.uk The website of the Child Bereavement Trust, which publishes a helpful information pack called Supporting Bereaved Children in School www.ncb.org.uk/cbn The National Children’s Bureau’s Child Bereavement Network: a database or organisations that offer services tobereaved children as well as guidelines for best practice

31. Useful websites www.rd4u.org.uk A website for children and young people who have been bereaved and want news and information designed for them www.childline.org.uk Offers a chance for children to talk in confidence about their feelings and emotions www.winstonswish.org.uk Provides resources for schools and grief support programmes for children www.partnershipforchildren.org.uk Provides resources for parents and teachers about how children cope with bereavement, divorce and separation

32. ‘Death is one of the greatest taboos. It doesn’t square with our worship of youth.’ But the truth, after all, is that we are all terminally ill. Once we recognise that, we can enjoy the life we have left. Elizabeth Kubler Ross, 1982 (from Good grief, by Barbara Ward and Jamie Houghton)

33. Planning • Consider how you might deliver these sessions and any resources you would need • In your groups, look through the ‘Relationships’ theme and choose activities, for your age group, for the next half term

34. ‘At the beginning we couldn’t see how to get through. Now we know we can – we laugh, we cry, we find ways to live and remember.’ A quote from Winston’s Wish

35. Questions ? ? ? ? ?

36. Evaluation Please complete an evaluation sheet