Vulnerability and the Power of Authentic Connection

1. Vulnerability and the Power of Authentic Connection Presenters: Kathy Rowell and Sally Lahmon Sinclair Community College

2. “The Power of Vulnerability”Dr. Brene Brown’s TedTalk(Your homework) • Wanted to understand: CONNECTION • Findings: WHOLE-HEARTED PEOPLE: • Have COURAGE to be imperfect • Live life with AUTHENTICITY • Fully Embrace VULNERABILITY • Have COMPASSION for others and self • Believe they are WORTHY of love and connection • What stops us from Authentic Connection: Fear of SHAME

3. Why this matters: Connection is critical to the success of our students. Creativity, innovation and learning require Authentic Engagement in class. Shame kills engagement, trust, creativity and productivity. We all have shame.

4. How We Protect Ourselves from SHAME When we feel shame, the primal Fight/Flight/Freeze instinct kicks in. Brown found that we do one of the following: Move Against – aggressively confront/take control, use shame/anger against Move Away – hide, ignore, disengage, get quiet Move Toward – try to please/appease, apologize Can you see these actions in your classroom? Each reaction prevents us from authentically connecting with others and with ourselves.

5. Shame Shields Vulnerability is at the HEART of human CONNECTION – but we create our own barriers to that connection in order to protect ourselves from feeling vulnerable.

6. How This Armor Shows Up in Our Classes Learning and asking questions requires COURAGE! Foreboding Joy Numbing *Perfectionism*

7. Perfectionism A false belief that we can do things without ever being judged by other people –to escape criticism. This desire to protect ourselfis what fuels perfectionism – but it does not work. Striving to be perfect = BURNOUT and STRESS Both students and faculty suffer when trying to be perfect because it is inauthentic.

8. POP QUIZ A student turns work in late and doesn’t make eye contact with you, then leaves without saying a word. Why? Write your response. Conspiracy theories --the way we fill in the details when we don’t have all the data points. Conflabulation--LIES told honestly to ourselves. These are stories we tell ourselves to protect us from emotional vulnerability.

9. “Learning is inherently vulnerable” https://youtu.be/DVD8YRgA-ck Brown’s SXS “Daring Classrooms” start at 13:30-18:45 With authenticity, courage, empathy + appropriate professional boundaries, we can create Authentic Connection with students

10. Authenticity “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to have every day. It is the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” Being authentic requires courage. How might you show your students authenticity?

11. Courage • Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up. • Somehow we’ve come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we’re very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It’s as if we’ve divided the world into “those who offer help” and “those who need help.” The truth is that we are both.

12. Empathy • Empathy is… communicating that incredibly healing message of, “You are not alone.” • Ensuring students never feel that they are alone requires an immense amount of vulnerability on the part of the teacher. • You must be willing to be uncomfortable and vulnerable, connecting with your students instead of leaving them to dry out in the heat of their circumstance all by themselves.

13. Appropriate Professional Boundaries • “The most compassionate people have the most well-defined and well-respected boundaries. They assume other people are doing the best that they can, but they also ask for what they need and don’t put up with a lot of crap. Their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” • “If we share our shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become one more piece of flying debris in an already dangerous storm.”

14. Teaching and Authentic Connection • Evaluating and giving feedback to students is a minefield. We must learn how to give feedback in a way that inspires growth and engagement – not shame and disengagement. People often armor-up to protect themselves from the vulnerability of giving or receiving feedback. It must be done with RESPECT. • Do not ever underestimate the power you have with the people you teach. Learning is an inherently vulnerable process. Students have to be vulnerable to learn, and we have to be very careful with how to speak to them. We as teachers can inflict the most damage and we have the power to heal the most painful wounds.

15. Teaching and Authentic Connection • Teaching requires us to hold ourselves accountable for finding the potential in our students. • Thank you for caring enough to come to this session. Your interest in being an authentic, empathetic, vulnerable teacher is critical to the success of our students.

16. Remember … True connection requires bravery – from you and your students. Boundaries are an aspect of self-care. Be honest about the stories you are telling yourself. Believing YOU ARE ENOUGH can have a powerfully positive impact on your life and your students’ lives.

17. THE MAN IN THE ARENA        Excerpt from the speech "Citizenship In A Republic” delivered by Theodore Roosevelt at the Sorbonne in Paris 23 April, 1910 “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly ….”