Safe Dates Session 8

1. Safe Dates Session 8 How we feel, how we deal

2. Classroom Rules • Respect each others opinions • Listen to each other ( No talking while someone else is speaking) • No Names • 1 person is talking at time • No Laughing

3. Review • Name the 8 communication skills for resolving conflict and describe them. • Hint: Safe Date

4. 8 skills of effective communication • S ecureyour center • A skclarifying questions • F indout what your partner’s feelings are • E xpressyour Feelings • D eterminewhat’s important to you • A cknowledgewhat’s important to your partner • T hinkabout your similarities and differences • E xchangeideas for a possible solution

5. Learner Outcomes • Express your feelings and emotions in various ways • Understand the importance of acknowledging and communicating yourfeelings • Identify situations that trigger anger • Identify physiological and psychological cues that someone is angry • Identify a variety nonviolent ways to respond to anger • Understand that youhave a choice in how to respond to anger

6. Extending your feeling vocabulary • All feelings are important • Feelings often tell us what is right and wrong • They can also tell us if we need to make changes about a situation • What are some other feelings that people have besides mad, sad, and happy? • In small groups come up with 3-5 feelings and list them on the board

7. Extending your feeling vocabulary (Continued) • Important to have a big feeling vocabulary, Why? • We can’t change our feelings, but we can learn skills to deal with our feelings • Anger is a feeling that we have sometimes and you will you will feel angry with your boyfriend and girlfriend at some point • It’s ok to be angry • How you deal with your anger makes the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship

8. Hot Buttons • What are “Hot Buttons”? • Hot Buttons are those things that make you angry whenever you feel, see, or hear them. Hot buttons are the things that irritate you, “get under your skin”, or in other ways make you angry • Take a minute and think about what your “Hot Buttons” are and write them down on the top half of Handout 23

9. Knowing when you’re angry • Hot Buttons cause us to be angry • Bodies give us clues when we’re angry both physical and psychological • 2 types of Anger : • 1. Immediate • 2. Pent-up • What is the Difference? • On the bottom of Handout 23 please write some cues to Immediate/Pent-up Anger

10. Knowing when you’re angry ( Continued) Some Responses to immediate Anger Chills, goose bumps, shudders Headache Red Face Get very Quiet Watering Eyes Hard to Swallow “Butterflies” in the stomach • Clenching fists • Grinding teeth • Sweaty palms • Increased heart rate • Tensing muscles • Glaring • Scowling • Change in arm/body position

11. Knowing when you’re angry ( Continued Some Responses to Pent-up Anger • Fantasize about telling someone off • Start resenting the person • Start making nasty comments about the person • Withdraw from the person • Find yourself obsessing over the situation

12. Defusing Anger • Many teens who have been abusive to their dating partner claim that they were so angry, it was uncontrollable • After the so-called uncontrollable anger was gone they were sorry and had feelings of guilt • You may only have a few seconds between the time a Hot Button is pushed and how you decide to react to it while you are still thinking clearly

13. Defusing Anger • What are some things you could do in the few seconds after your Hot Button is pushed, but when your thinking is still clear? • Talking to myself(positive self-talk) • Walking/running • Counting • Controlling my breathing • Crying • Walking away/removing self from the situation • Hitting a pillow • Exercising strenuously • Asking someone for advice • Explaining to the person why I’m angry • Playing with pet • Listening to music

14. Defusing Anger • Once you’ve calmed down you can use the Safe Date communication skills • When you’re controlling your anger its possible to ask clarifying questions, tell the person how your feeling, and listen to the person express their feelings • Anger if uncontrolled can be a warning sign that we are in a situation we need to change

15. Dealing with anger • Exercise Part 1: • Take out piece of paper and think about a time when you were angry • Write a description of what made you angry (Hot Button) • How you knew you were angry ( immediate or pent-up) • What you did as a result of your anger

16. Dealing with anger • Exercise Part 2: • With your partner come up with a list of positive, nonviolent ways that you could respond to the situation • Circle the one you like best

17. Conclusion • Anger is controllable • You can teach yourself to do things that reduce your anger without hurting others • Controlling your anger is easier when you recognize your Hot Buttons • Look for the physical & psychological cues • Make a plan to deal with anger