Safe Dates Session 3

1. Safe DatesSession 3 Why do People Abuse?

2. Classroom Rules • Respect each others opinions • Listen to each other ( No talking while someone else is speaking) • No Names • 1 person is talking at time • No Laughing

3. Review • Session 1- Caring Relationships: Ways we want to be treated v Ways we want to treat • Session 2- Abusive Relationships: Emotional v Physical • Today Session 3- Reasons why people abuse

4. Scenario 1: Sara & Michael • How does Michael want Sara to act? • Why might Michael want Sara to act this way? • How is Michael getting Sara to act this way?

5. Reasons for Michael’s Behavior • Michael is being abusive by trying to control the way Sara acts. • Scenario 1 is about Jealousy • a. It’s ok to feel jealous but limiting who someone can talk with is abusive • b. Having a BF/GF who’s so jealous they don’t want you talking to others may seem flattering at first but is actually a way of controlling you. If this behavior continues its likely that the victim will become isolated from family and friends. • c. One way to control a BF/GF’s behavior is to pair abusive behavior with nice behavior. This type of behavior hooks the victim even more. Seeing a person act sweet makes it hard to leave him or her.

6. Scenario 2: Mario & cassie • How does Mario want Cassie to feel? • Why might Mario want Cassie to feel this way? • How does Mario get Cassie to feel this way?

7. Scenario 2: Mario & Cassie • Another reason that people may abuse their BF/GF is to control the way she or he feels. • a. Often people who abuse want their BF/GF to feel bad about himself or herself so they feel dependent on the dating partner, and therefore less likely to leave

8. Warning Signs of Abuse • Too often relationships become painful and even dangerous before someone seeks help • Why? • There are certain behaviors that can alert you to abusive behaviors • We’re going to call these behaviors “Red Flags”

9. Red Flags for people who may be in an abusive relationship • Being afraid to express your own feelings • Feeling nervous or sick to your stomach when bf/gf is angry • Not being allowed or being afraid of making a decision • Noticing bf/gf has very stereotypical beliefs about gender roles • Not having personal space respected • Being physically hurt • Feeling afraid of bf/gf • Feeling isolated • Losing friends • Changing behavior because of bf/gf jealousy • Feeling embarrassed, put down, ashamed • Being threatened • Feeling manipulated or controlled

10. Red Flags for People who may be abusing their partner • Using guilt trips to get your bf/gf to do something • Feeling unable to control your own feelings of anger • Making your bf/gf afraid of you • Forcing your bf/gf to do sexual things that he/she is uncomfortable with • Physically assaulting bf/gf ( hitting, slapping pushing, kicking) • Intimidating your bf/gf • Becoming angry if bf/gf is spending time with other people • Asking your bf/gf to change his or her behavior because your jealous • Verbally threatening your bf/gf

11. Conclusion • People may act abusive for different reasons • Abusive behaviors have a serious short/long-term consequences for the victim and the perpetrator • There are usually “Red Flags” or warning signs that a person may be abusive or abused • All the scenario’s that we read today could have ended differently. People can choose to act in cooperative, nonabusive ways. • It is never the victims fault that he/she has gotten hit, insulted, or threatened. • No one ever deserves to be abused